theStacyGuy

How do you really know if you're gay or straight or pretending to be straight?

Personally, I could never be with a woman sexually, or not that I can imagine. But with guys I've never really had the best of times either. Sexually, physically, and mentally, I'm attracted to guys. Romantically, but not sexually or physically, I am attracted to girls.

I know, I'm confusing, but hell I'm confused myself.

Help would be appreciated!

Deafness

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Wokamuka

You know. Maybe you're not accepting it.

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Aleser

For the life of me, I really can't see how it matters all that much. You'll be attracted to.. exactly who you're attracted to, no matter what 'label' you decide to adopt. If you want to jump in bed with a man, jump in bed with a man. If you want to jump in bed with a woman, jump in bed with a woman. If none of the above works, I've got a few trans friends who are lookin'.

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shel90

That's got to be one of the best advice I have ever read!

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Hwy99

So you just feel in love with men, but not the sex except for the women? Maybe you just like men as best friends, like buddy, and have a attraction to the women as sexual?

VamPyroX

Just go with the flow and don't try too hard.

What you could do is do things with people of different genders.

For instance, go out to a party and hang out with the different crowds.

From my experience, I've gone to parties where most of the lesbians would team up when playing drinking games and socialize all night long together. There would also be straight women who just like to hang out together and talk about men all night long. Then there are straight men who like to do macho things, but also like to hit on women. Finally, there are gay men who can be very flamboyant and hit on each other while drinking.

So, pick one group and see how it feels with that group. If you're wondering about whether you are a lesbian, then you can hang out with the lesbian crowd. They will of course start hitting on you. If you enjoy the feeling or have an urge to start hitting on them, then that might be what you are. If you're feeling uncomfortable with what they're doing, then you might have a different preference.

Then you could go with the straight women and see how it feels to just be with women. If you find yourself talking about guys like they are, then you might be straight. That would lead to hitting on the straight guys. If the guys start hitting on you and you actually feel good about it, then you could be straight.

What about the gay guys? I dunno, I just added that to even out the equation.

Sometimes, personal feelings can't always be dealt with alone and being with others can help to realize our true feelings.

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JennyB

Labels are for cans...'nough said

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SkullChick

Yeah agreed with above because sometimes its not the gender attraction its more like person's personality and chemistry that matters if person attract you on all levels then go for it, screw what other people think! :-)
And if you still don't feel any of it for both then you're probably are "asexual" its new term I learned while ago its when person have no attraction to either genders. And sometimes asexual people don't like being alone but aren't attracted to anyone sexually/physically so they married to person that is ok with platonic type love like just love but no sex or anything physical like kissing, etc just so they're there and aren't alone.

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Phillips

Agree with Vampie

"Just go with the flow"

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deafdyke

Yes exactly.
BTW, I kinda think that a lot of asexuals might just be buying into the "oh you gotta be horny all the time" mentality. Maybe they're the ones who actually have their priorites straight....maybe they just haven't found the right person that will get their hearts aflame, and their bodies reacting. I remember when I was a teen, being puzzled as heck as to why sex was such a big deal. Then I fell in love, and BOOM!

kipourgos

I'll get kind of personal here...

I realized that I liked guys sexually when I was about 13. I realized I had had crushes on boys before that but never realized exactly what it was. When the hormones kicked in, I realized...but for a long time I never had any feeling that it was wrong. Although I did know what my life would become if my fellow students at Junior High School in Iowa in 1972 learned, I hadn't associated the hate of gays with myself - I hadn't internalized it.

Later, I did internalize it, went into the closet, tried to change myself with religion.

What I noticed was, that before this, I would have fantasies, and of course masturbation, but "after the act" I would find myself thinking about the closeness, the warmth of being next to the guy I had just (mentally) had sex with. That was almost the best part. That was true when I began having real sex as well.

When I had internalized the hate for homosexuality and started trying to change myself, I did continue to have fantasies (of course!) but as soon as the ejaculation happened, that was the end of it - "he" was then out of my mind. And in my few real-life sexual experiences during that time, it was the same thing; after the sexual need was met, I felt no more connection.

I did fall in love with a woman during that time, but like you, I realilzed I had no sexual attraction to her. She was a wonderful person, and I really wished I did have sexual attraction. Heck, I could fall in love with her again probably. And I don't think falling in love with her was a symptom of hating myself - I don't think "gay/straight" in people is nearly as absolute as the labels make it seem.

It took a lot of self-examination to let go of that fear of being gay, fear of people knowing, and the conditioning from society, and enjoy closeness and an emotional connection with a man again. But it did happen.

faeryterp

Wokamuka

When I go out to socialize, I don't limit myself to one group. I find the flavor to be lacking in my life and enjoy meeting with everyone. You'd hit it on the nose by saying "Go with the flow" but ya'll lost me when you said, "pick one group".

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