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Unread 06-21-2009, 10:29 PM   #61 (permalink)
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1. "Your wife told me that I do a much better job than you. Just for safety purposes, you should be thinking about exercising more often."
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Unread 06-21-2009, 10:30 PM   #62 (permalink)
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2. "Hey, we're into swinging... do you want to swing together?(exchange partners)"
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Unread 06-21-2009, 10:30 PM   #63 (permalink)
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3. "I hope you don't mind, but I snuck into your house last night and videotaped you sleeping."
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Unread 06-21-2009, 10:31 PM   #64 (permalink)
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4. "Dude.... don't be mad at me but I had to do it... I snuck into your house and stole your wife's jewelry, and pawned them so I can buy more pot."
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Unread 06-21-2009, 10:33 PM   #65 (permalink)
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5. "Wanna have a threesome?"

Things to never say to a waiter
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Unread 06-22-2009, 05:27 AM   #66 (permalink)
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1. Can i give you a penny for your tip? (OUCH)
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Unread 06-22-2009, 08:29 AM   #67 (permalink)
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"So, THIS is what you wanted to do with your life??"
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...just passing thru, y'all.
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Unread 06-22-2009, 10:15 AM   #68 (permalink)
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3: <if there are stairs> "watch out - don't trip on that fork!"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 10:18 AM   #69 (permalink)
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4. "Your mother must be proud that you chose waiting over becoming a doctor."
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Unread 06-22-2009, 11:07 AM   #70 (permalink)
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"HERE'S a tip for you: find another job because you really suck at this one."
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Unread 06-22-2009, 11:28 AM   #71 (permalink)
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"That uniform doesnt do you justice."

Things you should never say to your therapist.
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Unread 06-22-2009, 11:41 AM   #72 (permalink)
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"If I have to come back here and discuss my feelings with you one more time, I'm gonna go crazy!!"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 12:29 PM   #73 (permalink)
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"If I have to come back here and discuss my feelings with you one more time, I'm gonna go crazy!!"


2. "Bet you've never gone out with a guy who's been in a mental institution before, eh??"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 12:46 PM   #74 (permalink)
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"I only come for the couch."
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Unread 06-22-2009, 12:52 PM   #75 (permalink)
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"I just need attention since my hubby isnt giving me any attention."
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Unread 06-22-2009, 01:43 PM   #76 (permalink)
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"I'm a compulsive liar. Everything that i've told you since the day we met has been 100% untrue. That includes my financial and insurance info".
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Unread 06-22-2009, 03:04 PM   #77 (permalink)
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"I just want to tell people that I see a shrink for shock value."

Things you should never say to your lover during the first time having sex.
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Unread 06-22-2009, 03:50 PM   #78 (permalink)
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1. "Awwww! It's so cute!"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 04:26 PM   #79 (permalink)
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2. "Dammit, wrong hole"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 04:37 PM   #80 (permalink)
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3. "Whoa! What the hell is that?"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 05:01 PM   #81 (permalink)
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4. "Wow....that's tiny."
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Unread 06-22-2009, 05:10 PM   #82 (permalink)
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5. "I've had better."

Things not to say to your doctor.
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Unread 06-22-2009, 05:34 PM   #83 (permalink)
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1. *Getting a prostate examination* Dr: "I will be honest, I've never done one of these before."

Patient: "Don't worry, I've done it hundreds of times."
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Unread 06-22-2009, 05:37 PM   #84 (permalink)
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2. "I don't see a ring on your finger. Maybe if you stopped playing doctor you might have a chance at getting one?"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 05:39 PM   #85 (permalink)
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3. "I heard that you had several lawsuits filed against you."
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Unread 06-22-2009, 05:45 PM   #86 (permalink)
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4. "Can you write me a prescription for viagra. I found out that your wife needs more action"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 05:58 PM   #87 (permalink)
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5. My dog favorite poop spot, is in your Flower bed.


Things NOT to say to a Police officer.
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Unread 06-22-2009, 06:02 PM   #88 (permalink)
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1. "I'm gonna steal your car."
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Unread 06-22-2009, 06:08 PM   #89 (permalink)
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2. "You're under arrest!"
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Unread 06-22-2009, 06:12 PM   #90 (permalink)
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3. Wanna get kinky with those handcuffs?
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