eirlys

I try to keep things fairly light here. I'm not a big fan of "negative nancy's".

I have to admit though that I've been a major jerk to the BF for a few days and now I'm kicking myself over it because I'm just not a mean type of person at all.

We're going to Michigan this weekend to spend the week there with his family. This will be my first time meeting them. I don't do well in social situations. It's just all so confusing. I don't understand what's being said, I feel like I'm being judged, and have a seriously negative body image to boot. All I can see is a week of nothing to do (they live in the woods with no internet) and being around people I don't know. That anxiety has boiled over into anger on my part. That anger is being taken out on him.

I've got to snap out of this and relax. It's times like this that I realize how neurotic I am lol.

__________________
Severe/Profound HoH in right ear, Moderate HoH in left.
Has Otosclerosis and is actively avoiding the BAHA
Very happy with Rexton Insite Power BTE
Would rather be playing Soul Calibur V or WoW!

Deafness

__________________
This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members.
Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

Bottesini

My sympathy. I understand your feelings of strange situations perfectly.
Hoping you will get through it all right.

__________________

AlleyCat

Same here, Botts. I think this is something MANY of us d/Deafies deal with. Anxiety in social situations is very common. It has spilled over into my life too.

Eirlys, it would not be unreasonable for you to want to take "time outs" for yourself. Go for walks in the woods, ask your BF to come with (or not) -- just some alone time, etc. Don't feel like you have to be with the family at ALL times if that will make you frustrated at all times.

eirlys

Thanks for the advice and thought

I'm just trying to relax about all this so I don't make his yearly visit home miserable.

It's all compounded by the fact that I will be spending my first birthday away from my family during that time so I'm really sad about that.

I'm bringing toys though. My ipod touch, Nintendo DSi, Kindle, ps3, xbox 360. I should be able to find a hole somewhere to relax in. I really do need to get out more and I'm making an actual effort to do that surprisingly, this just feels like too much too soon ya know?

__________________
Severe/Profound HoH in right ear, Moderate HoH in left.
Has Otosclerosis and is actively avoiding the BAHA
Very happy with Rexton Insite Power BTE
Would rather be playing Soul Calibur V or WoW!

dereksbicycles

I go to Michigan quite often to visit my girlfriend and her family.

I hope you have fun out there. I remember that your boyfriend is HOH so I'm sure you won't feel like a stranger.

My girlfriend is hearing and so is her whole family. She and her family is still learning ASL and trying hard to not leave me out, but sometimes, I still feel left out because they're not fluent yet.

I'm sympathy to you. You'll be fine.

naisho

Your guy is probably super confused what is going on.
He will come to understand it if he truly is appreciative of you. I think what you're experiencing is normal of any deaf person who is not ready to be always hanging out in the hearing world - most of us have all been there.

You could stock up on some apps for your toys..
Geometry wars for iOS is pretty addicting for me, and Dungeon Hunter1/2/3. On android, my latest fun is running emulators for n64/snes/psx. Hours of free entertainment without an internet connection necessary!

Bottesini

I can't believe there is actually a game called Geometry Wars.

The new generation of gamers is in a sad state.

__________________

naisho

Never judge a book by its cover!

metalangel

It's a twin-stick shooter like Robotron or Smash TV. It's called 'Geometry' because it's done with retro-style wireframe graphics. Yes, it is a bit hipster-ish.

Some people rave about it, personally I wasn't that impressed.

MsSaraB

I totally understand that you're nervous in meeting his family for the first time while spending a week with them. The woods aren't so bad though. I've lived in them my whole life and manage to have fun. Do they have ATVs and stuff out there? 4-wheelers are really fun. Bonfires (in a cleared area with lots of sand) are fun. I'm sure that they'll have things planned that will make it easier than wondering what you're gonna do for a week. It's always fun to do and see new things, right? A week isn't that long and I'm sure they will love you. Trust your boyfriend, he knows that you're going to be meeting new people and you'll be nervous, right? He won't let them bite you. I'm sure they may be nervous that you won't like them, too. Anyway, let us know how it goes when you get back.

__________________
-Sara B
.

rockin'robin

Well, been there...done that. All I can say is to give them the biggest and sweetest smile that you can muster up.....Maybe even bring a small gift for the parents, flowers or something baked at home...it helps break the ice....Being anxious is normal...and I'm sure ur b/f's family are nervous and anxious too...so it goes both ways. I always complimented their home (even if I didn't like it) and having to go thru all the photo albums or home movies...ugg!...but survived it all. Good Luck.

Grummer

Oi! not that much electronic toys my gosh you showed me you have a electronic fetishism! thats scary and thats what hurting the Gen Z now...just pick one, and learn to READ a REAL BOOK, its nothing like it...learn to respect ONE writer and at one at a time , learn SLOW Pace, thats the story...
like
hmmm maybe read a book on 'meeting lover's family for the first time, what to talk about' hell i dunno whats the title or who writes it but I really be shocked if there is none written on such a topic, and id bet you'd find it great. damnnit what about the next closest thing like, 'meeting in laws for the first time' (after engagement)...um not saying youre engaged or anything, jsut its a topic -wise in ways of dealing with difficult 'new extended familes and or , difficulty to deal with obligation meetings in say a ways to think of 'survivial topics to talk about (and what NOT to talk about)...
hmm
hope this helps
your G-string man LOL
no , im
G

__________________
"Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them."
Albert Einstein

GrayEagle

It's normal to be nervous about meeting family much less spending an entire week as guests! IMO, you are very courageous! I know how I would be worrying, too, even without the communication issues. Totally normal! I would definitely talk about your feelings with him, your concerns and how you'll miss your usual birthday with your own family. The two of you can support each other and work on communication. Hard to meet new people. But you can do it with his support and understanding. Look forward to having some fun and not cloud your mind with too much worry. Have positive expectations. Sometimes you can be pleasantly surprised! Wishing you well!

__________________

"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
~~Carl Jung

SneakerNet

Maybe you should download "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert A. Heinlein to Kindle...You will get the idea of being in a strange place <grin>

I have sympathy for you, I hope you'll get through it.

P.S. Oh..or "Beggars in Spain" by Nancy Kress....

__________________
No trees were harmed in the sending of this email; however, many electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Bottesini

Grok....

__________________

SneakerNet

lol!!

__________________
No trees were harmed in the sending of this email; however, many electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

ambrosia

Well I say kudos for you for realizing why you're being snappy with him, and the first thing you should do is explain your feelings and apologize to him.

Totally understandable!!! Not only is being around a bunch of people talking awkward and uncomfortable.....it can be mind bendingly boring!!!! I actually, to some degree, agree with Grummer, bring a book. But I'm a bookworm bigtime. But whatever you do, you might not want to spend ALL your time entertaining yourself, otherwise you might give his family the wrong impression, and cause hard feeling with your boyfriend.

I ran into this with my husband. He'd accuse me of being self absorbed and ignoring everybody. He didn't seem to understand that I can't really participate in conversations, and just sitting there staring into space is.......boring. So you gotta make a little effort to be sociable, so they don't feel they're being snubbed. Most people are understanding (my husband just a royal dog turd, imnsho ) but if you spend all your time in your own little world they won't get to know you!!

caz12

the sad thing is when you say no internet connection..you got the woods wildlife you may surpprise yourself that can get a lot from no net connection..you prejudging your bf parents ,the fact they living that life means they interact with people not computers,that has to be good

eirlys

It's beautIful here. Lots of trees and hills. I'm from the part of Texas that is very flat. Our highest elevation is the local landfill. So these "mountains" I keep seeing that are supposedly just hills fascinate me. Still too many people though and that's too stressful. I feel like I have to perform and put on an act to make sure everyone likes me. Add to that that these people are all super fast talking Yankees without the Texas twang drawl I'm used to and with super strong Michigan accents (don'tchaknow??)... I'm having a hard time understanding anything at all. They have all taken the. Bf aside and told him how nice and sweet I am though so that's good.

I really do live in a self created bubble. A very isolated life that is my family and my bf. I do my activities alone or with him. I live too far from my family to do anything with them. It's just too hard. My hearing has gotten only slightly worse in the past 5 years but my ability to understand speech in noise has plummeted. I purposely live isolated because of the anxiety it causes me to try to act like a hearing person. Not to mention my negative body image and constant fear of judgement. I still do things. I still go places. I just choose to do them alone or with my bf who gets it.

__________________
Severe/Profound HoH in right ear, Moderate HoH in left.
Has Otosclerosis and is actively avoiding the BAHA
Very happy with Rexton Insite Power BTE
Would rather be playing Soul Calibur V or WoW!

eirlys

Oh yeah... They totally got wifi... Satellite Internet. I have permission to use it.. But only have so far when people split up to do single person activities or after everyone goes to bed. That's at like... 9:30pm. Wayyy too early!

__________________
Severe/Profound HoH in right ear, Moderate HoH in left.
Has Otosclerosis and is actively avoiding the BAHA
Very happy with Rexton Insite Power BTE
Would rather be playing Soul Calibur V or WoW!

naisho

It's not so bad after all, eh?
How's the clean air over there, makes you feel you are breathing healthier?

eirlys

It's still pretty bad and I'm counting the seconds till I can go home, but I'll survive. The air is really clean. Smells like trees and cows.

This house is nuts though. 3 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, like.... 4 stories kinda. Different rooms spread out on different levels but no more than 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom and one "other" type room per level above the ground level. Lots of big windows, high ceilings, balconies, and little nooks and hidey holes with chairs or cushions to sit on. I can't imagine living here. I'd get lost or fall down some stairs. It's super pretty and decorated way beyond my ability which consists of martial arts weapons on a table, plushies on a bookshelf, and some wall scrolls on the wall lol

__________________
Severe/Profound HoH in right ear, Moderate HoH in left.
Has Otosclerosis and is actively avoiding the BAHA
Very happy with Rexton Insite Power BTE
Would rather be playing Soul Calibur V or WoW!

GrayEagle

Glad you have internet access for escape! The house sounds lovely, but very confusing to me, too. I can't deal with a lot of stairs due to my arthritis, but the outside setting sounds lovely. I am so glad his family likes you. That's a plus! I understand about hermit existence. I do that myself with my DH these days. I don't put myself in hearing situations that I know will be difficult. I prefer the peace at home with my dog! I was dreading a family gathering at Black Angus restaurant yesterday because of hearing issues and likely doing my "Mona Lisa" impression of just sitting and smiling because I couldn't make out what people were saying. I did ask for a quiet area when I made the reservation, though, and they came through for me. I sat in the middle of the longer table (7 of us) so I could see everyone, and they spoke up a bit, and I had a great time. It was exhausting because of the extra concentration, but it worked out and I was glad I went. But I dread such gatherings at holidays and such like you, too. I hope the rest of the week goes o.k. for you!

__________________

"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
~~Carl Jung

MsSaraB

more bathrooms than bedrooms??

__________________
-Sara B
.

eirlys

That was kinda my reaction, but they poured their heart and soul designing and building this place by themselves on weekends over 10 years. Who am I to judge? Lol

__________________
Severe/Profound HoH in right ear, Moderate HoH in left.
Has Otosclerosis and is actively avoiding the BAHA
Very happy with Rexton Insite Power BTE
Would rather be playing Soul Calibur V or WoW!

rockin'robin

Dunno if I could afford the toilet paper for 5 bathrooms! ...But 5 bathrooms are a blessing and "Thank God for Bathrooms" cause when ya gotta go, ya gotta go!

SneakerNet

Yeah, same as my parents house, 8500 sq ft home with 5 bedroom 7.5 bath and guest apt, indoor swimming pool. The most confusing part of the house is that darn electronic lighting system. If I pushed the wrong button, my parent's master bedroom will light up and wake them up in the middle of the night... I don't give a sh*t about them.

__________________
No trees were harmed in the sending of this email; however, many electrons were terribly inconvenienced.