Dixie

I couldn't fit my entire question in the title but here it is:

Are deaf/hoh kids bullied and/or harassed more frequently than their hearing peers within mainstream schools?

I say they are because I was the only d/hh kid in school and I was a constant easy target.

I was bullied, sexually harassed where boys would reach up my shirt and play with my breasts, they would stick pencils in my pants and I recall once that a boy walked past my desk. He grabbed my head by the hair and shoved my face into his crotch. When I tried to move away he would hold my head there longer. He was a huge football player for the JV team and I was just me. They would then spread notes all over school calling me whore slut and the whole lot. If I tried fighting against it I was labelled as homosexual, lesbian, dyke. I couldn't escape.

I was taunted, and I was seen as some sex plaything. When I tried to get them to stop, they would force their way on me more.

This triggered my depression, my anorexia, my hurts.

During this time I got to the point that I no longer cared about school. I just wanted to drop out, run away, and never return. I begged my parents to let me transfer to another nearby school but they wouldn't hear of it. They said I needed to face to them and deal with it.

By Christmas of my senior year I was threatening to drop out altogether I hated it so bad. I wanted out. But my parents would not have it. They forced me to stick it out. That's when I really started to rebel. There was something in me that just fired off and was ready to tell the world to **** off because I'm done. I was still bullied, I was still tormented, but I found myself taking it out on me through anorexia, extreme obsession to exercise. I hated the world, but I also hated me.

Still I was tormented. At this point I was beginning to drink heavily to escape from the pain. Get drunk enough and you black out and you forget for a while. I think a few other students knew, but in this small town, who doesn't drink? It didn't solve the fact I was bullied/harrassed, it just hid it when it became too much to bear.

It got to the point that I was literally bullied right out of my senior prom. That night I never felt so unbeautiful. I ran out embarrassed, ashamed, defeated, humiliated. I ran not home to my parents but to a friend's house, my only friend. I ripped off my borrowed second hand prom dress (my parents refused to buy my prom dress), tore my hair down, ripped out my jewelry. I washed the make up off my face. I changed into jeans and a t-shirt, and lay there on her couch covered in tears.

After that day, I never went back to school. I maxed out the number of days I could miss school and still graduate. When it came time to graduate. Everyone got to pick a friend to walk with. Well guess what, no one wanted to walk with me. I remember walking into the gymnasium to the stares of the crowd and thinking dammit, if I am going to stand alone, the least this damn place can do is reassure me that it's alright.

Needless to say I was never invited to our class after graduation party. What did I do? I stole a bunch of beer out of my parents garage fridge, hopped on the fourwheeler and went riding and drinking in the woods at night. I remember waking up the next morning to a sunrise in the middle of nowhere and a painful hangover. But I thought - shit, it's finally over. All that hurt is finally over.

So that's my story from the social side of mainstream school.

So do you think deaf/hh kids are targeted more frequently that hearing kids in mainstream schools??

A penny for your thoughts.

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Oh, you will. It is all a dream and since matter cannot be created nor destroyed, the dreams must be real in all their myriad forms. -Beowulf
This Delicate Thing God Has Made
The world is measured in peasants; smaller than a unicorn but, bigger than a tidbit!

Deafness

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Buffalo

Good question. I never was mainstreamed but I had my share of problems. I think I will let someone else who had been mainstreamed and attended deaf school answer your question.

At least the school is over (aside from college) is over for you. I only can hope that your life gets better from now on.

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“The problem is not that the (deaf) students do not hear. The problem is that the hearing world does not listen. “- Rev Jesse L. Jackson ( American Civil Rights Activist, Minister)

Jiro

jesus girlfriend. you know who's the worst bully ever?

it's not that asstwat jock who shoved your face into his crotch. it's not that pervert brat who fondled you or stick pencils in your pants.

it was your parents.

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sallylou

Dixie, thank you for sharing your story. You're a strong, resilient person. The fact that you're still open and caring is a miracle.

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DeafCaroline

Really sorry to hear about your experiences. People can be such assholes sometimes. I'm glad it's behind you and that you don't have to deal with that anymore.

I didn't go to my prom either. Asides from two very good friends and a few great teachers, I felt no connection to my high school. Like you, I was really glad that period of my life was over. My mom always said to me when I was growing up, "don't worry, be patient and be strong. University will be completely different, it will be better."

Turns out she was right. Life is indeed better after graduation.

sallylou

My high school reunion is coming up. The idea of going is laughable. Why would I want to see people who made fun of me? I wish that I had known then that it was ok to be different and that I would be happy one day.

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naisho

I was bullied too. :/

From 3rd grade to 12th grade. For being the only deaf guy in school. The guy(s) who had it in for me went to the same elementary, jr high, high school I got to go to. Tough luck for me, but it is what shaped me a into maverick sort of personality. I totally get what you had gone through.

I think there ought to be a poll thread for oral/mainstream AD'ers specifically to vote on this so we can see the truth. Frankly, I'm willing to consider most of us mainstreamers have been bullied, but I don't think there's ever been research (or a poll even) on it.

Eighty

during high school, definitely.

but now I know why they did, and I'm going to bully my kids next so they can be better than me.



I didnt get bullied that much in mainstreamed school, only got in fight like three times in whole high school years. I lived in one town for whole my childhood, so I made many good friends when I was younger, played sports all season, get involved in club and activities. Maybe thats why I wasnt bullied so much compared to few other of my friends.

VacationGuy234

That must have been terrible for you and I'm sorry you went through that.

To answer the post: Yes.

Didn't go to my prom as well.

Frisky Feline

to be honest, when i read all of your experiences, it broke my heart! I didnt have experience like yours. I guess I went to deaf school all my life. =/ But my hub had the same situation as yours.

Frisky Feline

I admit that my deaf school that there are bully kids. The deaf kids would more likely got picked on that they are geek or loner or different.

dogmom

Dixie I have lotsa hugs to offer...

can't write that I was bullied from perspective of a deaf kid and I know that makes a difference; what I share now and what you went through is not the same.

but I've had a lot of stuff happen in my life

as an un-diagnosed learning disabled student with obvious speech and language issues and also social issues, I was extensively bullied too by other students and most teachers ended up putting me in positions where this would occur. Learning disabilities was not in the educational consciousness. Kids thought I had cognitive disabilities and I went to that "special place" where "those kids" go. Kids threw stuff at me, grabbed me, tripped me, hit me, made fun of what I ate at lunch, how I talked, jumped out of nowhere and went for me, got me in the bathroom etc. Grudgingly picked last for teams or not at all, and bullied for my lack of performance.

I didn't "get" a lot of things other kids did.

This was before high school though. I was a really shy kid and I was scared all the time.

I was born and raised in the city and in my area saw a lot of gang fights, saw them fighting at my school, people were mugged across the street from my house. Had several break-in attempts of my childhood home. Was at a mall once, about 14, when people started shooting, we all were running, people screaming and just chaos.

My folks loved me and could express that but couldn't express it for each other and there was a lot of drama, yelling, crying, mom threw things, dad stormed out. My mother can be very loving but also very damaged from abusive, mentally ill mother <my grandmother, who I never met>.

High school was what I chose if I actually wanted to live. I didn't go to the high school where my home location in the city would have put me; I chose to go to a very small, arts-based high school. It was very urban, very mixed and "counter-culture" experience and I loved it. Openly gay teachers and students, most everybody didn't quite "fit" in some way. My parents have always been longtime supporters of the arts, public schools, multicultural education and experience so I got to go there.

So it did get better. But it took a while after that to get to the point where I am now, I think if today someone asked me to play a truly friendly game of volleyball <one of the most traumatic points of my various gym classes along the way; I had no understanding of what I was doing, even after it was explained to me> I'd do it. And I wouldn't have done it when I was in college yet. I know it's a small example but for me, it's taken a lot of re-thinking and looking into myself, finding my power and my authencity.

Frisky Feline

Bottesini

Dixie, in junior high and high school, I only had one friend who wanted to be a special education teacher. (She did and we stayed friends until she died.)
After high school, I spent three years in group home living, and that was difficult to escape.
Going to a prom or any type of school function would have been like going to the moon for me. I never went to any at all.
It's far too painful to really talk about, or actually even think about.
It definitely shaped me into the person I am today.

I'm fairly sure that you will just hear a repeat of this from many other people.

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LoveBlue

Dixie

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Severe-to-profound hearing loss in both ears.
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whatdidyousay!

"I recall once that a boy walked past my desk. He grabbed my head by the hair and shoved my face into his crotch. When I tried to move away he would hold my head there longer." Where was the teacher when that happen?? The school system failed to do their job in stopping the bullying from happen. I have to blame the adults for not doing their jobs!! You where more than bullied , you where sexually assaulted and this should had been reported to the polices.
I am sorry to hear what happen to you and you are brave to share it with us. I was not bullied at school the girls just had nothing to do with me. I was one the tallest kids in my school as I stayed back and I was heavy for my age so kids not mess with me. One boy did try to mess with me and I took his hat and threw it on top of the fruit stand that was near our school. I had to go the principal's office! I had teachers that picked on me more than the students!!
The boys did play with me in grade school sometime. I think some kids may have said thing to me but I never heard them and did not reaction to it and that would be no fun for the kids! I was very sad to read what you when through , I feel those boys should be reported the cops today! Did you tell your parents what happen , I find this very upsetting.

AlleyCat

I had the most horrific school experiences. So, so, so many that I can't even begin to explain them all here. Those experiences still "get to me" today. I do occasionally find myself in a very uncomfortable situation (whether at work, or at a bar, etc.) that is an instant de-ja-vu to my school days. In the meantime, whether us deafies are harassed more frequently than hearing kids, I honestly don't know.

dogmom

FF, wasn't sure if you meant me

dogmom

so many on here share such similar childhood school stories - for any who desire, here is

faire_jour

Wirelessly posted

deaf or hearing,it doesn't matter, your parents should have gotten you out of that situation. I am so sorry they didn't.

dogmom

ahh but it does matter....

this actually could relate to another thread...

dogmom

BUT
I don't want to set aside the original sadness and hurt that was shared at the beginning so am going back to that with this post...
am sorry that did happen to you, Dixie.....

naisho

Useless, really. Getting the parents or school officials involved doesn't necessarily always stop the bullying. It continued for me, and has for other people I've seen post their experiences here. There are a lot of bullying threads on here.

The reality is, and I'm sure stats will prove it, mainstreamed kids are likely to be bullied more often than deaf school kids.

Then comes the second part. Did they learn or grow from the situation? Not everyone completely hates it. Some chalk it up to an experience.

Dixie

Thanks everyone. Your hugs and encouragement mean a lot to me. I often escaped through art such as drawing. I have some to post but it's not good art. I also wrote and one of the better moments was when I was given the schools English award. I remember my English teacher telling me I have talent for writing. Ever since I have tried to pursue that in some form one way or another. When I hear of another teen suicide due to bullying I can't help but think that could have been me. Sometimes I wish I could go to a school and speak about my experiences hoping it might help someone else. I was afraid to speak up for myself fearing more negative attention given to me. I would have rather melted under a rock than to have gone back to face that every day. Administrators often think its just kids being kids but it is so much more vicious than that. It needs to get better before the victim leaves school, and there needs to be policies in place that can adequately deal with this. Zero tolerance only silences it further by making the victim feel weak for coming forward. There needs to be a way to anonymously report incidents and those who witness such things should feel obligated to report it because the victi
Is often too afraid to speak up. Bullying has lead to the deaths of countless teens. It shouldn't take a suicide for schools to take serious actions. Those who bully and harrass others should be expelled and proper support services need to be utilized. This can and does interfere with student education and well being. I would have been grateful if I was given a chance to start over new somewhere else. Even now, I don't know if a heartfelt apology from my tormentors would help. Maybe barring bullies from school or at least barring them from any sort of contact with their victims once it is reported might help. I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy when I hear about someone who was bullied and they got to transfer to another school and they blossom at their new school. I hated my school and it's my hope that my DD never has to go through what I went through. If that is ever the case, I would go to the ends of the earth to get her out of that situation. No kid should have to go through what I did. What I posted above was just a fraction of what I went through. I had my head bashed into lockers, I was slammed to the floor, I was picked last for teams or not picked at all, my vehicle at school was vandalized, my stuff was stolen, I was incited into fights, I've been punched, kicked, and shoved around. I was laughed at, made fun of, humiliated and embarrassed. Nothing helped. Hands were shoved in my pants, I was fondled, I was called every degrading name one could think of. I wished I could have gone to mars it was so bad. It took years and a caring person to help me finally want to come to terms with this. I'm hoping someday my story will help someone else.

__________________
Oh, you will. It is all a dream and since matter cannot be created nor destroyed, the dreams must be real in all their myriad forms. -Beowulf
This Delicate Thing God Has Made
The world is measured in peasants; smaller than a unicorn but, bigger than a tidbit!

jillio

Oh, it matters. It matters a great deal. The fact that don't even recognize that is a sign of the amount of audism you carry around every day.

faire_jour

Wirelessly posted

geez, your thinking is really messed up.

my point was that if ANYONE is being treated like that, the parents, teachers and admin need to get them out of there.

DeafCaroline

Not everyone hates being bullied?

jillio

No, dear. My thinking is not messed up. Your thinking is simply the byproduct of your audism.

faire_jour

Wirelessly posted

alright, i guess you think it is ok for hearing kids to be treated that way...because that isn't audism....wow

jillio

You have no idea what you are talking about. And you are minimizing the greater risk that deaf children have in the mainstream. There was no reason to even bring hearing children into the discussion. The topic was the risk of deaf children.

Oh, well. Nothing new here.