Are deaf kids bullied/harrassed more frequently than hearing kids in mainstream? - Page 15

lucas · 04-30-2012, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafdyke

You were not bullied b/c you were one of the "tough" kids......I do however see that you don't realize that a lot of your selling drugs, and other issues in high school was b/c you didn't fit in, and you didn't know how to express it so you acted out. If you had gone to deaf school/program you would not have had those issues!

well thats all in the past now theres nothing i can change about that. But yeah im assuming you're correct. I was also lucky enough to grow up in the same neighborhood so many of my friends from elementary school also ended up in high school with me

Moose · 04-30-2012, 10:06 PM

^

Sounds like your life was pretty identical to mine growing up having the same friends since I was four years old and we were very influenced by the drug culture aha

FadedRose · 05-03-2012, 10:40 PM

I was bullied pretty badly in school as the only Deaf student in the middle school I went to ( was transferred in the 7th grade the bullying was so bad ), as well as the high school I went to. I attempted suicide, of course the real issue was never addressed. As a result of being bullied to that degree...
I haven't been "me" since I married. When I took my husbands last name I let that little girl die or so I'd like to think I'm not her anymore but I'm typing about it...
didn't work, eh? Nope.
I don't let anyone get close. I do not have any friends I hang out with after work or on the weekends. I just cannot let anyone in.Co-workers have tried to befriend me but I refuse. I've been there already. I won't go there again.

I've gotten so used to being this way that I automatically turn down invites to events-except family events. Even when I do accept them, I find a way to get out of it.

rockin'robin · 05-03-2012, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FadedRose

I was bullied pretty badly in school as the only Deaf student in the middle school I went to ( was transferred in the 7th grade the bullying was so bad ), as well as the high school I went to. I attempted suicide, of course the real issue was never addressed. As a result of being bullied to that degree...
I haven't been "me" since I married. When I took my husbands last name I let that little girl die or so I'd like to think I'm not her anymore but I'm typing about it...
didn't work, eh? Nope.
I don't let anyone get close. I do not have any friends I hang out with after work or on the weekends. I just cannot let anyone in.Co-workers have tried to befriend me but I refuse. I've been there already. I won't go there again.

I've gotten so used to being this way that I automatically turn down invites to events-except family events. Even when I do accept them, I find a way to get out of it.

That's really sad....tearing down the wall that you've built is gonna take some time, I'm guessing....but hoping one day you'll be able to open your heart and find that there are really some good, caring and nice people in this world.

MissLady · 05-04-2012, 10:51 AM

^ I agree. I am very sorry to hear that, Faded Rose. I am not deaf, but I was always the outsider looking in when I was growing up. All of the friends I had at one time or another betrayed me. I felt the exact same way as you; why bother having friends who are just going to betray and backstab you?

I can now say that while I am always really guarded, I have made some truly great friends at last. And I am incredibly proud to say that they are Deaf community members. I found them to be the most welcoming, kind, and genuine people I have met and am blessed to have them as friends.

That being said, learning about their educational experiences (most of them being Mainstreamed kids) makes me want to scream and cry for them. I cannot believe the humiliation and the isolation most of them had to endure for so long, being unable to even express to their parents (who never learned to sign) how they really felt. To me, it sounds like prison more than school. Some have said how awkward they felt, never really fitting in. Others have told stories about unknowingly breaking school rules, not knowing that they were rules in the first place, and getting punished unfairly for that. To me, it seems almost unreal to think that kids in my area may still be going through that as I am writing this... It just breaks my heart and astonishes me.

deafdyke · 05-04-2012, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FadedRose

I was bullied pretty badly in school as the only Deaf student in the middle school I went to ( was transferred in the 7th grade the bullying was so bad ), as well as the high school I went to. I attempted suicide, of course the real issue was never addressed. As a result of being bullied to that degree...
I haven't been "me" since I married. When I took my husbands last name I let that little girl die or so I'd like to think I'm not her anymore but I'm typing about it...
didn't work, eh? Nope.
I don't let anyone get close. I do not have any friends I hang out with after work or on the weekends. I just cannot let anyone in.Co-workers have tried to befriend me but I refuse. I've been there already. I won't go there again.

I've gotten so used to being this way that I automatically turn down invites to events-except family events. Even when I do accept them, I find a way to get out of it.

Faded Rose! You SHOULD go to a psychologist or something. I know it's hard, but you never got a chance to develop emotionally...and that is exactly WHY I think mainstreaming/inclusion is child abuse. It does not let kids with disabilties develop emotionally. God, I was 14 before I made my first real friend....and if I had never gone to a wonderful hearing camp I prolly woul d be resistant to letting people in emotionally as well. Emotional and social developement is MAJORLY important, but yet it's brushed under the rug by AG Bell and inclusionists

**Smithtr** · 05-04-2012, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FadedRose

I was bullied pretty badly in school as the only Deaf student in the middle school I went to ( was transferred in the 7th grade the bullying was so bad ), as well as the high school I went to. I attempted suicide, of course the real issue was never addressed. As a result of being bullied to that degree...
I haven't been "me" since I married. When I took my husbands last name I let that little girl die or so I'd like to think I'm not her anymore but I'm typing about it...
didn't work, eh? Nope.
I don't let anyone get close. I do not have any friends I hang out with after work or on the weekends. I just cannot let anyone in.Co-workers have tried to befriend me but I refuse. I've been there already. I won't go there again.

I've gotten so used to being this way that I automatically turn down invites to events-except family events. Even when I do accept them, I find a way to get out of it.

serious on risk that is bully on reason !! that is why risk!! serious risk dangerous bully!

Prevent to bully, report to police, tell to parent do it stop period reduce bully!

otherwise to stop bully! anti-bully!

someone bully to you serious big seriou! you refused., you tell police do it handle tell peope will , Police do it enough people bully stop it! that is point!

that is terrible bad news!!

JanatheShort · 05-05-2012, 09:55 AM

FadedRose,

I'm not deaf, so I can't understand what you went through... but I can understand what it's like to be bullied until you want to die. I wanted to be anyone but me... I hated everything about myself. I didn't trust people, and still trust really slowly. Some things that helped me? I found ways to deal with the pain when I felt it... art, writing, blogging... they helped me to do something about the things I was feeling. Other people could read what I wrote, and it helped them with their pain too. I read books about healing from the past. I also found a counselor who I was comfortable with. It helped a lot.

You don't have to always be a faded rose... you can blossom with bright colors again!

MissTraverse · 05-07-2012, 01:09 AM

To Faded Rose

I'm sorry you went through that - I went through it myself and while I still have walls up like you, I do still let people in - I just take my time getting to know them first before letting them in. However, I understand that it takes time to work through that.

i hope that one day you will find real friends who appreciate you. I have one of these - my best friend and we tell each other everything. 6 years ago, he was just
the friendly guy who sat next to me during a class. Our friendship grew into that. I hope that one day you will find people you like and trust.

Cheers.

FadedRose · 05-12-2012, 08:44 PM

I'm surprised at the response I got! I'm equally surprised by the therapy suggestion. I'm very happy with my life as it is and find my solitude to be comforting. It's all I've ever known. I am married with a hearing husband and have my family. To me that is all I need. Sure it'd be nice to have a girls night out but if you've never had one, then what am I missing if I've never experienced it?

I'm sure one day a soul will come across my path that will allow me to let them in but from past experience when I have-it's never ended good. I'm open to having a friend but I don't go out seeking friendship like I used to. I don't care to belong anymore or to fit in. When you've been this way from the time you were 9 years old and I'm now 30 it becomes your normal and I'm ok with it. I never really did come to terms with the bullying or accepting me for me until I immersed myself into the Deaf community. Since I was oral Deaf being a part of the Deaf community was something I never knew even existed. It has helped a lot. If I come across that rare soul who can see past the machines in my ears and my speaking voice will I take that chance? Chances are yes if they are the right person but for now I'm pretty content being a loner. Not everyone needs to be around a group of people to be happy. There is a book called the loners manifesto that is about this very thing-the introverts of society. It's a great read and I highly suggest it.

FadedRose · 05-12-2012, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafdyke

Faded Rose! You SHOULD go to a psychologist or something. I know it's hard, but you never got a chance to develop emotionally...and that is exactly WHY I think mainstreaming/inclusion is child abuse. It does not let kids with disabilties develop emotionally. God, I was 14 before I made my first real friend....and if I had never gone to a wonderful hearing camp I prolly woul d be resistant to letting people in emotionally as well. Emotional and social developement is MAJORLY important, but yet it's brushed under the rug by AG Bell and inclusionists

I agree that it is a form of child abuse, at least emotional abuse. I was forbidden from signing in school and if I did I'd be punished. I did go a public school but we had an all Deaf class room. The other students and I were forced to use our voice, no using hands or writing back and forth. It was wrong.

as far as using the word disabilities I understand the context in which it's being used but for my personal sake

I'm not disabled.

I'm just simply Deaf.

I used to think I was until I became a part of the Deaf community. If it wasn't for that I'd be a basket case.

I agree that Deaf childeren their needs are swept under the rug-Oralism is TORTURE. I understand why my parents wanted me to speak to be able to "function" in a hearing world but what they never realized is just how cruel that world would be. If I used my hands instead of my voice to communicate I betca I'd be treated as though I had a brain because it seems that when I use my voice-due to how it sounds...well you get it, how hearing people judge a persons intelligence on speech and social ability. It's something that angers me to this day. Had I been allowed to learn ASL would what I had been through not happened or been less severe?

I'll never know but I wish I could go back in time to find out.

deafdyke · 05-12-2012, 09:35 PM

Quote:

as far as using the word disabilities I understand the context in which it's being used but for my personal sake I'm not disabled. I'm just simply Deaf.

I used to think I was until I became a part of the Deaf community. If it wasn't for that I'd be a basket case.

I agree that Deaf childeren their needs are swept under the rug-Oralism is TORTURE. I understand why my parents wanted me to speak to be able to "function" in a hearing world but what they never realized is just how cruel that world would be. If I used my hands instead of my voice to communicate I betca I'd be treated as though I had a brain because it seems that when I use my voice-due to how it sounds...well you get it, how hearing people judge a persons intelligence on speech and social ability. It's something that angers me to this day. Had I been allowed to learn ASL would what I had been through not happened or been less severe?

I mean disabilty as in Disabilty Rights version of disabilty, not the "sick person sitting in a corner whining that "Oh I can't hear/speak/see. Life is SO horrid! I want to be normal, and I want a cure!" model.
I know a lot of people who are blind/wheelchair users who argue that it's not their disabilty/difference that causes the problems...rather it's enviromental and social attitudes that causes the problems.
And yes, I get you about the speech issues. I STILL get dumbassed hearies thinking I'm mentally handicapped b/c of the way I speak?!?!?! Spoken language is a good tool..........but it doesn't give unfettered access to the hearing world for ANY dhh kid. It just gives partial access!

FadedRose · 05-14-2012, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafdyke

Spoken language is a good tool..........but it doesn't give unfettered access to the hearing world for ANY dhh kid. It just gives partial access!

I totally agree! at least for me it's more of a burden than a blessing.
I get sick and tired of hearing oh, gosh you speak so well you must be really intelligent! comments.

ugh, hearies.

green427 · 05-14-2012, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin'robin

That's really sad....tearing down the wall that you've built is gonna take some time, I'm guessing....but hoping one day you'll be able to open your heart and find that there are really some good, caring and nice people in this world.

You are correct on this....I have a wall with small holes in it, but that wall was built over a 40 year period, and there is always going to be that "is he/she going to turn on me one day?" feeling.

As for bullying....yeah, been dealing with it since I was in grade school. Middle school was the worst. The only positive outcome, other than knowing that some of the bullies are leading very rough lives right now, is that I actually was 'friended' on Facebook by a handful of the bullies and they actually apologized for treating me like crap. So, yes, I am sure many of these bullies have to live with the guilt of how they've treated others.

As for FadedRose's issue with suicidal tendencies...no one will understand why many of us think this way unless they've been bullied nonstop for many years. What's the point of living if all you do is feel like a piece of shit all the time?

Still...the scars will always be there.

deafdyke · 05-14-2012, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FadedRose

I'm surprised at the response I got! I'm equally surprised by the therapy suggestion. I'm very happy with my life as it is and find my solitude to be comforting. It's all I've ever known. I am married with a hearing husband and have my family. To me that is all I need. Sure it'd be nice to have a girls night out but if you've never had one, then what am I missing if I've never experienced it?

I'm sure one day a soul will come across my path that will allow me to let them in but from past experience when I have-it's never ended good. I'm open to having a friend but I don't go out seeking friendship like I used to. I don't care to belong anymore or to fit in. When you've been this way from the time you were 9 years old and I'm now 30 it becomes your normal and I'm ok with it. I never really did come to terms with the bullying or accepting me for me until I immersed myself into the Deaf community. Since I was oral Deaf being a part of the Deaf community was something I never knew even existed. It has helped a lot. If I come across that rare soul who can see past the machines in my ears and my speaking voice will I take that chance? Chances are yes if they are the right person but for now I'm pretty content being a loner. Not everyone needs to be around a group of people to be happy. There is a book called the loners manifesto that is about this very thing-the introverts of society. It's a great read and I highly suggest it.

DAMN I wish so badly those ****ing AG Bellers could read your experiance.... I wish those mothers who think that automatic membership in the hearing world is conferred on those who have good speech could read this.......
Even a lto of the superstars very often have major major social issues....and not just bullying...not even being a part of the community in the first place. We are consinged to the edges of the hearing world............b/c GUESS WHAT? We're NOT hearing!

craigm26 · 05-16-2012, 12:49 AM

Generally, yes. But not the degree to which you are stating. I was teased and bullied in elementary school. I was brought up in an all-white school so it was magnified for other kids to harp on it.

Your experience is incredibly different from mine. I had an older brother so it never got that bad. I might've been teased a bit in elementary school and middle school, but I always tried to remain positive and that whatever happened I would be a better person after school was done. The kids who bullied me arent any better off now. I ran into one years ago and I laughed inside about how we "matched" up. I didn't really enjoy the thought, it was more - ok- that's nice, Ill give advice if you want it.

I always took the approach of being resourceful, people knew that I wasn't going to be unpredictable.

It was tough. I think even at my job now it's worse. Adults simply can't "change" or adapt to my circumstances so they exclude me and the leaves me on a career path to nowhere.

I'm sorry you had a horrible experience. I hope your past doesnt affect you who are now and will be in the future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dixie

I couldn't fit my entire question in the title but here it is:

Are deaf/hoh kids bullied and/or harassed more frequently than their hearing peers within mainstream schools?

I say they are because I was the only d/hh kid in school and I was a constant easy target.

I was bullied, sexually harassed where boys would reach up my shirt and play with my breasts, they would stick pencils in my pants and I recall once that a boy walked past my desk. He grabbed my head by the hair and shoved my face into his crotch. When I tried to move away he would hold my head there longer. He was a huge football player for the JV team and I was just me. They would then spread notes all over school calling me whore slut and the whole lot. If I tried fighting against it I was labelled as homosexual, lesbian, dyke. I couldn't escape.

I was taunted, and I was seen as some sex plaything. When I tried to get them to stop, they would force their way on me more.

This triggered my depression, my anorexia, my hurts.

During this time I got to the point that I no longer cared about school. I just wanted to drop out, run away, and never return. I begged my parents to let me transfer to another nearby school but they wouldn't hear of it. They said I needed to face to them and deal with it.

By Christmas of my senior year I was threatening to drop out altogether I hated it so bad. I wanted out. But my parents would not have it. They forced me to stick it out. That's when I really started to rebel. There was something in me that just fired off and was ready to tell the world to **** off because I'm done. I was still bullied, I was still tormented, but I found myself taking it out on me through anorexia, extreme obsession to exercise. I hated the world, but I also hated me.

Still I was tormented. At this point I was beginning to drink heavily to escape from the pain. Get drunk enough and you black out and you forget for a while. I think a few other students knew, but in this small town, who doesn't drink? It didn't solve the fact I was bullied/harrassed, it just hid it when it became too much to bear.

It got to the point that I was literally bullied right out of my senior prom. That night I never felt so unbeautiful. I ran out embarrassed, ashamed, defeated, humiliated. I ran not home to my parents but to a friend's house, my only friend. I ripped off my borrowed second hand prom dress (my parents refused to buy my prom dress), tore my hair down, ripped out my jewelry. I washed the make up off my face. I changed into jeans and a t-shirt, and lay there on her couch covered in tears.

After that day, I never went back to school. I maxed out the number of days I could miss school and still graduate. When it came time to graduate. Everyone got to pick a friend to walk with. Well guess what, no one wanted to walk with me. I remember walking into the gymnasium to the stares of the crowd and thinking dammit, if I am going to stand alone, the least this damn place can do is reassure me that it's alright.

Needless to say I was never invited to our class after graduation party. What did I do? I stole a bunch of beer out of my parents garage fridge, hopped on the fourwheeler and went riding and drinking in the woods at night. I remember waking up the next morning to a sunrise in the middle of nowhere and a painful hangover. But I thought - shit, it's finally over. All that hurt is finally over.

So that's my story from the social side of mainstream school.

So do you think deaf/hh kids are targeted more frequently that hearing kids in mainstream schools??

A penny for your thoughts.

StarryGirl · 07-11-2012, 11:25 PM

Wow, um, all these bullying stories... Just make me sad.. I'm actually glad that I did well in mainstream schooling and I was so lucky to get along with everyone and never got bullied. Everyone's experiences are different, and I hope it worked out well for the most for everyone here =)

Lau2046 · 07-12-2012, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StarryGirl

Wow, um, all these bullying stories... Just make me sad.. I'm actually glad that I did well in mainstream schooling and I was so lucky to get along with everyone and never got bullied. Everyone's experiences are different, and I hope it worked out well for the most for everyone here =)

People don't bully just because of a person's disability. My father's earliest memories of seeing me off was carrying me to the school bus kicking and screaming. I was bullied through elementary, middle school, high school, and I worked five years at any agency where I was bullied by one of the people in my department, bullied by two senior employees and the agency did nothing about it until they feared I was going to hire a lawyer. It isn't restricted to schools; bullying has gone online. I've seen people on this forum that have been less than gracious to put it mildly, even badgering one person who just lost her brother. I'm sure there's plenty of people here who would have objected to that nasty exchange but no one came to this person's defense. This is pretty typical in the work place as well as school, people see it happening, they know what's it's doing, they just don't care.

Frisky Feline · 07-12-2012, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StarryGirl

Wow, um, all these bullying stories... Just make me sad.. I'm actually glad that I did well in mainstream schooling and I was so lucky to get along with everyone and never got bullied. Everyone's experiences are different, and I hope it worked out well for the most for everyone here =)

I understand. I have not been experience with kind of bullying issues as well. Their stories are really upsetting me because it opened my eyes that i would never thought they actually are doing this ridiciously stuff to innocent people. Sure they did make fun of me out of school and I manage to ignore them or offered them for the fight, but it never happens. I had a great childhood, and great Deaf school hood. Now I am worried about my kids.

Seriously, i pray for them to be feeling much better and happier now.

whatdidyousay! · 07-12-2012, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FadedRose

I agree that it is a form of child abuse, at least emotional abuse. I was forbidden from signing in school and if I did I'd be punished. I did go a public school but we had an all Deaf class room. The other students and I were forced to use our voice, no using hands or writing back and forth. It was wrong.

as far as using the word disabilities I understand the context in which it's being used but for my personal sake

I'm not disabled.

I'm just simply Deaf.

I used to think I was until I became a part of the Deaf community. If it wasn't for that I'd be a basket case.

I agree that Deaf childeren their needs are swept under the rug-Oralism is TORTURE. I understand why my parents wanted me to speak to be able to "function" in a hearing world but what they never realized is just how cruel that world would be. If I used my hands instead of my voice to communicate I betca I'd be treated as though I had a brain because it seems that when I use my voice-due to how it sounds...well you get it, how hearing people judge a persons intelligence on speech and social ability. It's something that angers me to this day. Had I been allowed to learn ASL would what I had been through not happened or been less severe?

I'll never know but I wish I could go back in time to find out.

If I had uses sign language when I was a child my dad would had slapped me in the face! He would never had allowed one of his kid to talk with their hands.

caz12 · 07-12-2012, 02:25 PM

sadly young deaf have higher depression/and suicide rate per rata than hearing and mostly it due to bullying at school and discouraging sign,i am going by stats in uk.

deafdyke · 07-12-2012, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caz12

sadly young deaf have higher depression/and suicide rate per rata than hearing and mostly it due to bullying at school and discouraging sign,i am going by stats in uk.

Again doesn't surprise me. The You Must Become Normal mentality. WHY is it that AG Bell and other pro oralists/inclusionists seem to brush under the rug the dirty secret that just b/c a kid is orally skilled, that doesn't mean they will reap all the rewards of the hearing world. Yes, oral skills are a nice thing to have......but they shouldn't be the be-all and end all of a dhh kid's education/toolbox.If a lot of those younger deaf had gone to deaf school and learned BSL, they'd be much better off emotionally. Why is it that emotional development and bullying are brushed under the rug or just talked about in a token way?

CSign · 07-13-2012, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafdyke

Again doesn't surprise me. The You Must Become Normal mentality. WHY is it that AG Bell and other pro oralists/inclusionists seem to brush under the rug the dirty secret that just b/c a kid is orally skilled, that doesn't mean they will reap all the rewards of the hearing world. Yes, oral skills are a nice thing to have......but they shouldn't be the be-all and end all of a dhh kid's education/toolbox.If a lot of those younger deaf had gone to deaf school and learned BSL, they'd be much better off emotionally. Why is it that emotional development and bullying are brushed under the rug or just talked about in a token way?

In general, people take bullying very seriously and few would just "brush it under the rug" when it comes down to it. No one wants to see any child getting bullied.

deafdyke · 07-13-2012, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CSign

In general, people take bullying very seriously and few would just "brush it under the rug" when it comes down to it. No one wants to see any child getting bullied.

Sorry, Csign I strongly disagree. STRONGLY......and i was speaking specificly of AG Bell's attitude towards mainstreaming/inclusion.
Your kid is still in elementary....early grades too, if I recall. Come back in a few years. I mean right now social stuff is basicly on a ' you like ketchup? I like ketchup! We'll be best friends' level. Yes, there's nominally more attention paid to bullying, but it's still pretty much brushed under the rug in a lot of cases.....which is what happened to us, and which is still happening in a lot of cases......wait til middle and high school....now that is awful.....but the thing is, that dhh and glb kids and other minority kids face that attitude every single day....but its brushed under the rug....b/c after all the special needs kids are experiancing Inclusion (YAY) Meaning they're physically in the same learning space as nondisabled kids, but are severely isolated and ostracized. (not exactly the same as being called dyke or faggot or physically being beaten up or actively harassed (and trust me that bullying does happen with dhh and other disabled inlcluded kids too)

AlleyCat · 07-14-2012, 10:58 AM

I have to agree with DD on some levels here. I also agree with CSign that no one wants to see children getting bullied. I think the main problem is that parents (and others) don't always see/understand the severity of the bullying going on, especially if the child doesn't give the full story of what took place. "This kid made fun of my hearing aids today" is entirely different from "This kid flicked my hearing aid and threw it in the garbage and said, 'that f*cking piece makes you look like a moron' etal." I endured so much bullying in my middle-school years, and there came a point where I stopped sharing with my parents the full details anymore. Many others do the same.

deafdyke · 07-14-2012, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlleyCat

I have to agree with DD on some levels here. I also agree with CSign that no one wants to see children getting bullied. I think the main problem is that parents (and others) don't always see/understand the severity of the bullying going on, especially if the child doesn't give the full story of what took place. "This kid made fun of my hearing aids today" is entirely different from "This kid flicked my hearing aid and threw it in the garbage and said, 'that f*cking piece makes you look like a moron' etal." I endured so much bullying in my middle-school years, and there came a point where I stopped sharing with my parents the full details anymore. Many others do the same.

Thanks AlleyCat. And in addition, there's a HUGE difference between verbal abuse, and things like ostacization. (which IS a form of bullying) One thing I have noticed about parents of disabled (both dhh and others) kids who experiance inclusion, is that they are SO thrilled that their kid is being educated with "normal" kids that they don't see that the kid is experiancing "inclusion" at a VERY superfical level. Also, a lot of times early on the hearing or other nondisabled kids are playing with the disabled kid b/c they picked up on the vibes that their parents want them to play with the kid. And the kid doesn't complain b/c after all, they don't know anything else. They don't know what it's like to experaince a Deaf School or a sizable dhh program. (or blind/low vision or other low incidence disabilty program) ... in other words they don't know what it's like to really be an active part of a community, rather then existing on the fringes. Granted, sometimes disabled kids do have positive social experiances in the mainstream, but that usually happens in very diverse towns (like the type of town where gay and lesbian teens are fully accepted)

**Bottesini** · 07-14-2012, 08:52 PM

And then some of us are grateful to be allowed to exist on the fringe, and not have been exposed on a hillside as in ancient Roman times.

deafdyke · 07-14-2012, 09:01 PM

And in addition, when issues DO crop up, with bullying very often the parents and the kid will get the attitude " Oh why are you complaining? It's not that big of a deal. " Trust me.....it happens ....when I got obscene letters sent to me in 7th grade, my parents and I experianced the attitude " Oh Deafdyke and her parents are making a big deal out of some innocent "boys will be boys" pranks.

deafdyke · 07-14-2012, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

And then some of us are grateful to be allowed to exist on the fringe, and not have been exposed on a hillside as in ancient Roman times.

On the other hand Botte, that's basicly what inclusion is, socially.......Inclusion is very Darwinist and being thrown to the wolves.

whatdidyousay! · 07-15-2012, 10:48 AM

My niece has aspergers and she was bulled and harassed all through school.
Kids where calling her house every 5 minutes leaving horrible messages , it got so bad her parents called the polices and they tapped their phone and where able to get the people names. Bullies go after anyone they feel is an easy target.

05-03-2012, 10:40 PM	#423 (permalink)
FadedRose Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 668	I was bullied pretty badly in school as the only Deaf student in the middle school I went to ( was transferred in the 7th grade the bullying was so bad ), as well as the high school I went to. I attempted suicide, of course the real issue was never addressed. As a result of being bullied to that degree... I haven't been "me" since I married. When I took my husbands last name I let that little girl die or so I'd like to think I'm not her anymore but I'm typing about it... didn't work, eh? Nope. I don't let anyone get close. I do not have any friends I hang out with after work or on the weekends. I just cannot let anyone in.Co-workers have tried to befriend me but I refuse. I've been there already. I won't go there again. I've gotten so used to being this way that I automatically turn down invites to events-except family events. Even when I do accept them, I find a way to get out of it. __________________

05-05-2012, 09:55 AM	#428 (permalink)
JanatheShort Registered User Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Indiana, USA Posts: 358	FadedRose, I'm not deaf, so I can't understand what you went through... but I can understand what it's like to be bullied until you want to die. I wanted to be anyone but me... I hated everything about myself. I didn't trust people, and still trust really slowly. Some things that helped me? I found ways to deal with the pain when I felt it... art, writing, blogging... they helped me to do something about the things I was feeling. Other people could read what I wrote, and it helped them with their pain too. I read books about healing from the past. I also found a counselor who I was comfortable with. It helped a lot. You don't have to always be a faded rose... you can blossom with bright colors again! rockin'robin and MintyOreo like this.

05-12-2012, 08:44 PM	#430 (permalink)
FadedRose Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 668	I'm surprised at the response I got! I'm equally surprised by the therapy suggestion. I'm very happy with my life as it is and find my solitude to be comforting. It's all I've ever known. I am married with a hearing husband and have my family. To me that is all I need. Sure it'd be nice to have a girls night out but if you've never had one, then what am I missing if I've never experienced it? I'm sure one day a soul will come across my path that will allow me to let them in but from past experience when I have-it's never ended good. I'm open to having a friend but I don't go out seeking friendship like I used to. I don't care to belong anymore or to fit in. When you've been this way from the time you were 9 years old and I'm now 30 it becomes your normal and I'm ok with it. I never really did come to terms with the bullying or accepting me for me until I immersed myself into the Deaf community. Since I was oral Deaf being a part of the Deaf community was something I never knew even existed. It has helped a lot. If I come across that rare soul who can see past the machines in my ears and my speaking voice will I take that chance? Chances are yes if they are the right person but for now I'm pretty content being a loner. Not everyone needs to be around a group of people to be happy. There is a book called the loners manifesto that is about this very thing-the introverts of society. It's a great read and I highly suggest it. green427 likes this. __________________

07-11-2012, 11:25 PM	#437 (permalink)
StarryGirl Registered User Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Canada, eh! Posts: 64	Wow, um, all these bullying stories... Just make me sad.. I'm actually glad that I did well in mainstream schooling and I was so lucky to get along with everyone and never got bullied. Everyone's experiences are different, and I hope it worked out well for the most for everyone here =) __________________ Always reach for the moon~ if you can't, at least you'll be around the stars

07-14-2012, 10:58 AM	#445 (permalink)
AlleyCat Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In my time zone Posts: 10,795	I have to agree with DD on some levels here. I also agree with CSign that no one wants to see children getting bullied. I think the main problem is that parents (and others) don't always see/understand the severity of the bullying going on, especially if the child doesn't give the full story of what took place. "This kid made fun of my hearing aids today" is entirely different from "This kid flicked my hearing aid and threw it in the garbage and said, 'that f*cking piece makes you look like a moron' etal." I endured so much bullying in my middle-school years, and there came a point where I stopped sharing with my parents the full details anymore. Many others do the same. deafdyke likes this.

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04-30-2012, 10:06 PM	#422 (permalink)
Moose Registered User Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 31	^ Sounds like your life was pretty identical to mine growing up having the same friends since I was four years old and we were very influenced by the drug culture aha

05-04-2012, 10:51 AM	#425 (permalink)
MissLady Registered User Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 43	^ I agree. I am very sorry to hear that, Faded Rose. I am not deaf, but I was always the outsider looking in when I was growing up. All of the friends I had at one time or another betrayed me. I felt the exact same way as you; why bother having friends who are just going to betray and backstab you? I can now say that while I am always really guarded, I have made some truly great friends at last. And I am incredibly proud to say that they are Deaf community members. I found them to be the most welcoming, kind, and genuine people I have met and am blessed to have them as friends. That being said, learning about their educational experiences (most of them being Mainstreamed kids) makes me want to scream and cry for them. I cannot believe the humiliation and the isolation most of them had to endure for so long, being unable to even express to their parents (who never learned to sign) how they really felt. To me, it sounds like prison more than school. Some have said how awkward they felt, never really fitting in. Others have told stories about unknowingly breaking school rules, not knowing that they were rules in the first place, and getting punished unfairly for that. To me, it seems almost unreal to think that kids in my area may still be going through that as I am writing this... It just breaks my heart and astonishes me.

05-07-2012, 01:09 AM	#429 (permalink)
MissTraverse Registered User Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 7	To Faded Rose I'm sorry you went through that - I went through it myself and while I still have walls up like you, I do still let people in - I just take my time getting to know them first before letting them in. However, I understand that it takes time to work through that. i hope that one day you will find real friends who appreciate you. I have one of these - my best friend and we tell each other everything. 6 years ago, he was just the friendly guy who sat next to me during a class. Our friendship grew into that. I hope that one day you will find people you like and trust. Cheers.

07-12-2012, 02:25 PM	#441 (permalink)
caz12 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 2,822	sadly young deaf have higher depression/and suicide rate per rata than hearing and mostly it due to bullying at school and discouraging sign,i am going by stats in uk.

07-14-2012, 08:52 PM	#447 (permalink)
Bottesini Joe's Friend Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: With Owl Sock Posts: 37,523 Blog Entries: 1	And then some of us are grateful to be allowed to exist on the fringe, and not have been exposed on a hillside as in ancient Roman times. __________________

07-14-2012, 09:01 PM	#448 (permalink)
deafdyke Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Trebekistan Posts: 13,082	And in addition, when issues DO crop up, with bullying very often the parents and the kid will get the attitude " Oh why are you complaining? It's not that big of a deal. " Trust me.....it happens ....when I got obscene letters sent to me in 7th grade, my parents and I experianced the attitude " Oh Deafdyke and her parents are making a big deal out of some innocent "boys will be boys" pranks.

07-15-2012, 10:48 AM	#450 (permalink)
whatdidyousay! Registered User Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 8,606	My niece has aspergers and she was bulled and harassed all through school. Kids where calling her house every 5 minutes leaving horrible messages , it got so bad her parents called the polices and they tapped their phone and where able to get the people names. Bullies go after anyone they feel is an easy target.

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