rivenoak

Just got off the phone with my son's school. He's acting out in class again and they wanted me to talk with him.

Just very frustrated because while *sometimes* he is good on a phone (cell phone w/ incoming volume all the way up), the office phone ensured we had a two-sided "What?" conversation. I couldn't figure out what provoked the behaviour, he couldn't hear me telling him not to hit his friend over a crayon. "What?" "What?" "What?"

ARGGGGGGGHHHHHH.

Thanks for a place to vent.

Deafness

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jillio

Perfect example of behavior that indicates that the school REALLY doesn't get what being deaf is all about, and that they have no idea how to communicate with a deaf child. Problem is more theirs than his.

posts from hell

Hope this is not the new school?

rivenoak

Yup.

Just add this to the letter I need to write them about last week's phone call from the assistant principal and where "we" need to go from here.

<grrrr>

deafskeptic

I can't believe these people. The kid is deaf. Of course, he's going to have trouble with the intercom.

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Frisky Feline

Is this hearing school or mainstreamed school? Hope you and your boy will work out about what happened at school and he may not do it agian.

rivenoak

PFH, no, it's still the public school.

I need to PM you about the other school...

posts from hell

Yep, been waiting for that

rivenoak

Oh great, a 2nd call. From the assistant principal.

Now I have to go get him. He's hiding under a table.

Frisky Feline

He must be smart. Just hope hes ok.

CSign

Poor little guy!! It clearly sounds like something isn't right. Talk to him, and make sure you let him know hitting isn't acceptable etc., but then tell him how much you love him and give him a big hug.

jillio

Yeah! He's hiding because he knows that these people have no idea how to communicate with him, and he is being overpowered. Poor kid!

deafdyke

Again, (and this is just targeted towards the parents of dhh mainstreamed kids who are lurkers) this is exactly why even after 40 years post mainstreaming, we STILL have parents looking at Deaf schools/regional dhh programs. rivenoak, we ALL understand. I had some behavorial issues too as a kid.....Unfortunatly, most public schools really do not have a lot of resources specificly for dhh kids. .....this is a big reason why we're encouraging regional dhh programs or schools for the deaf, rather then solotairing.

sallylou

Upon closer reading, I understand the situation. The poor kid must be so frustrated.

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dorothybaez

Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

As a child I would put my coat over my head when I was overwhelmed. From the school's response, you would have thought I claimed to eat puppies for breakfast.

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rivenoak

When I arrived at the school yesterday, he was sitting in the principal's office, eating his lunch, having been coaxed out from under the table.

Oh, he was sent home not for hiding under the table, but for being a danger to others.

It's still not clear to us how the whole thing escalated after his teacher took a crayon from him. We have put a request in writing to have this explained.

When I originally talked to him on the phone, he asked to come home. I explained I had to work and he had to do school, but that I would pick him up as early as I could. I suspect someone said that if he didn't turn his behavior around, he'd be sent home. So he didn't, and was.

He and I talked eventually yesterday afternoon, while lounging on my bed, but while he knows he shouldn't hit/spit/threaten to throw chairs at fellow students/etc, he wasn't able to explain why it all got started or why things got worse.

He also claims that he has no hearing difficulties. Then agreed that yes, sometimes he does not hear everything said to him.

He indicated that his right ear was fine, but that his left ear is "loading" (like a computer) and is a machine/robot. We talked about how his HAs are like little machines/computers, and that if he wears them, then he can be part robot if he likes. Which he likes, as an idea.

He said he is being teased for his voice, but wouldn't give specifics and may have found my question leading and just gave me the answer he thought I wanted. He said no one tells him to "listen better" or "nevermind."

Drafting in my head and notebook the letter to the school. <sigh>

At risk of being labeled a delusional hearie parent, I'm going to say, I wish you all could meet him/see him interact IRL because his speech is very good, his particular loss means that he hears the midfrequencies at near-normal dBs, and that I am so bewildered and frustrated because he's seen as more typical than d/hh by the hearing world. I don't think most people really believe me when I say he has a hearing loss.

Buffalo met him once briefly, but I think he just hid behind me the whole time; I can't remember if he even said or signed hello to her.

On a happier note, we are going to a Hands & Voices picnic in Tucson on Saturday. He can play with some of his friends from the family deaf camp we went to earlier this autumn. Then in 2 weeks, there is another picnic here in the Valley of the Sun. We are both excited.
Arizona Hands & Voices

Thanks everyone for reading.

PS-PFH, I promise, my lazy butt will get on the computer at home soon & write. If not tonight, tomorrow.

jillio

Myheart breaks for him, and for you as his mom. Regarding the escalating behavior thing...I'd say you are probably right. The told him how to get exactly what he wanted, so that's what he did. Dumb ass principal.

I would say that he got upset when the teacher took the crayon from him because he had no idea why she was taking it. She probably gave a verbal instruction for the crayons to be put away, he didn't hear her, she thought he was being willfully disobedient, and treated him as such. Poor kids in the mainstream endured this crap all the time.

deafdyke

Ah I remember the days of meltdowns. They're not that unusual.....Almost sounds like something I would have done in early elementary. Again, it sounds like it was a straw that broke the camel's back sort of thing.....Almost exactly like how my quebecois friend would melt down and start speaking French when she was tired or agitated or emotional.
If he's being teased for his voice already....that's a red flag. Hearing kids can pick up on stuff like that, majorly!!!!!!

deafdyke

rivenoak, it's possible he can't verbally articulate his feelings/emotions well when he gets upset/emotional. I still have a lot of trouble with that....and you know, I used to have meltdowns as a teen(before I knew ASL) at camp when I'd get upset and not tell the counselors what was wrong. This past summer during an emotional moment with my friend and my second mom, I was crying and signing " I love you girls . You girls are my family."
Had that happened before I knew ASL, I would have cried and cried.
The point being is that while a lot of kids who have done well orally or who function as HOH may not have '60's style communication tantrums (think Deaf Like Me or Mr. Holland's Opus) they still may meltdown and have difficulties verbally expressing themselves when things get tough.

CSign

I'm wondering how things have gone for your son in the last month or so. I realize he's been on break, but have there been any improvements at school for him?

rivenoak

As of today, he starts in another classroom at the school. I did some observations in December & we were offerred the opportunity for him to switch to a different teacher. After I watched both teach, we readily consented to his being moved to the other teacher.

She has 20+ years experience, mom of 4 boys (one of whom has Downs Syndrome). Her classroom is not attached to another one, so no one has to tromp through it to get to the restroom. While there are more kids, it's closer to a 50/50 female/male ratio.

He spent the last two weeks before break in her class as a trial. He had good behavior reports everyday. He is sad to leave his original classroom & doesn't understand that he will have a better learning experience with her.

We turned down an offer for him to join a counseling group. It would be a pull-out and at this point, we are minimizing differences in his schedule compared to his peers. I also think that with the new classroom, he is not going to have so many "rat reports."

Thanks for checking in!

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CSign

Happy to hear that. What kind of accommodations does he have? I presume it's a mainstream environment, right?

rivenoak

It is a mainstream classroom.

At this point, the main accommodation is a sound field FM system & preferential seating. There are others like having a familiar person test him, extra time for tests, etc.

At the next IEP meeting, I will request ASL. I have an idea of how that's going to go over, but...

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