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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:00 PM   #241 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Steinhauer View Post
Something happened to my sister when we were kids that I do not feel comfortable discussing here .... Because I do not have her permission. I can say this, when my father found out about it, he took care of it immediately.
You have already broken your sister's confidentiality by saying what you did. If you aren't comfortable talking about it, and your sister is not comfortable with you posting it on an internet forum, it would have been best not to mention it at all. As it is, you have just told anyone who reads this post that your sister is a victim of childhood sexual assault. That is really not yours to reveal.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:00 PM   #242 (permalink)
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In regards to the comments concerning extradition, let me ask this. If a crime is committed in a certain area, is it always the "rule" that prosecution for that crime take place where the crime was committed?

What would the point be for long arm statutes?
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:01 PM   #243 (permalink)
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Something happened to my sister when we were kids that I do not feel comfortable discussing here .... Because I do not have her permission. I can say this, when my father found out about it, he took care of it immediately.
I know how he felt. I talked the DA to drop the charge against me from Assault to Disturbing the Peace.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:01 PM   #244 (permalink)
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:02 PM   #245 (permalink)
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You have already broken your sister's confidentiality by saying what you did. If you aren't comfortable talking about it, and your sister is not comfortable with you posting it on an internet forum, it would have been best not to mention it at all. As it is, you have just told anyone who reads this post that your sister is a victim of childhood sexual assault. That is really not yours to reveal.
First of all, no confidentiality was broken because you can make all the assumptions in the world about what I am talking about and still not know what happened. Because I do not have her permission to discuss it you simply won't know.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:04 PM   #246 (permalink)
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[quote=sallylou;1991237]quote]

True, that. So many of the victims do not have the resilience necessary to do what it takes to get healthy from something like this. I have had more than one client whose only way to deal with the abuse was to live in the throes of severe mental illness.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:04 PM   #247 (permalink)
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There has to be an extradition treaty with the county in which the crime occurred and the country in which the defendant is present. That's not always the case. That's why you hear people talk about which countries do not have these treaties.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:05 PM   #248 (permalink)
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First of all, no confidentiality was broken because you can make all the assumptions in the world about what I am talking about and still not know what happened. Because I do not have her permission to discuss it you simply won't know.
You broke confidentiality by stating that anything happened during a discussion of childhood sexual abuse. Now everyone on this forum knows that something happened to your sister. Again, not even that is yours to tell.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:06 PM   #249 (permalink)
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I know how he felt. I talked the DA to drop the charge against me from Assault to Disturbing the Peace.


My dad didn't exactly assault anyone. He did have them arrested and prosecuted. I am sure neither my father nor my sister would sue me for breach of confidentiality anyways ... besides my sister has breached my "confidentiality" numerous times .... Especially when she and my wife are across the room giggling and pointing at me.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:07 PM   #250 (permalink)
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There has to be an extradition treaty with the county in which the crime occurred and the country in which the defendant is present. That's not always the case. That's why you hear people talk about which countries do not have these treaties.
Right, and it is why criminals with the means that are facing long prison terms will run to a country that will not extradite.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:10 PM   #251 (permalink)
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My dad didn't exactly assault anyone. He did have them arrested and prosecuted. I am sure neither my father nor my sister would sue me for breach of confidentiality anyways ... besides my sister has breached my "confidentiality" numerous times .... Especially when she and my wife are across the room giggling and pointing at me.
It isn't about a lawsuit. It is about respect. And to compare your wife and your sister giggling about you to you stating that she was a victim of a sexual assault is about the most disrespectful thing you could do. Sexual assault should never be minimized, and the victim should always have the power of decision when it comes to revealing even so much as it occurred. To take that away is simply to disempower in the same way that the sexual assault does to begin with.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:12 PM   #252 (permalink)
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It really is the survivor's decision whether or not to disclose private information. I don't know steinhauer or where he lives, so I don't know this person.

It doesn't help survivors when a man assaults a perpetrator. It would make me feel worse. Supportive family members should allow the survivor to deal with it in her own way.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:12 PM   #253 (permalink)
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I have altered the quote to respect this.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:14 PM   #254 (permalink)
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Thanks, Jillio. I didn't want to discuss something that should be confidential.
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Unread 12-10-2011, 10:22 PM   #255 (permalink)
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It isn't about a lawsuit. It is about respect. And to compare your wife and your sister giggling about you to you stating that she was a victim of a sexual assault is about the most disrespectful thing you could do. Sexual assault should never be minimized, and the victim should always have the power of decision when it comes to revealing even so much as it occurred. To take that away is simply to disempower in the same way that the sexual assault does to begin with.
I certainly respect my sister and my family. But, you are already making assumptions on what happened by claiming it was sexual assault. Her confidentiality is still intact and this will not turn into a guessing game.

In fact, I never said it didn't happen to me either. Should I respect my own confidentiality?
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Unread 12-10-2011, 11:01 PM   #256 (permalink)
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I'm wondering what good can come out of this little girl's death. Her death is tragic if it's meaningless. How do we make sure she didn't die in vain?
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Unread 12-11-2011, 09:20 AM   #257 (permalink)
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I'm wondering what good can come out of this little girl's death. Her death is tragic if it's meaningless. How do we make sure she didn't die in vain?
I have been thinking about your question all morning. It is tragic and meaningless. I can't think of anything "good" that can result of it. A little girl's life has been snuffed out by a monster.

The only thing I would suggest, is that she be remembered and honored.

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Unread 12-11-2011, 10:04 AM   #258 (permalink)
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I certainly respect my sister and my family. But, you are already making assumptions on what happened by claiming it was sexual assault. Her confidentiality is still intact and this will not turn into a guessing game.

In fact, I never said it didn't happen to me either. Should I respect my own confidentiality?
You brought up something happening to your sister and your father's response to it in light of a discussion on children being sexually asaulted. Your meaning was quite clear. You were not as subtle as you thought you were being. You assume that just not giving details is respecting confidentiality. You are incorrect. Simply stating that something happened is breaching your sister's confidentiality. No one needs to guess. You told more than you even suspected you did by the timing of your comment and your willingness to state that "something happened" happened to your sister.

You can release any information you wish about yourself. It is yours to tell. However, it is not yours to tell anything about anyone else, including dropping little lead ins like, "Something happened to my sister."

So, no, your sister's confidentiality is not still intact. And yes, it is disrespectful to her to comment, at all, on something that is not yours to tell. But, I really don't expect you to understand this. You seem to have a problem with boundaries, and somehow think that because you know someone, their experience becomes your experience, as well. Hoever, I can see that others understand this issue, and as a consequence, will think twice before disclosing anything that is not theirs to disclose.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 10:08 AM   #259 (permalink)
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I'm wondering what good can come out of this little girl's death. Her death is tragic if it's meaningless. How do we make sure she didn't die in vain?
That is a good question, sallylou. We may not know for some time what good can come from this. I think everyone has to get past the shock and the grief before we can even begin to look for meaning. I am certain that meaning will be found; just not today or tomorrow.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 02:59 PM   #260 (permalink)
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You brought up something happening to your sister and your father's response to it in light of a discussion on children being sexually asaulted. Your meaning was quite clear. You were not as subtle as you thought you were being. You assume that just not giving details is respecting confidentiality. You are incorrect. Simply stating that something happened is breaching your sister's confidentiality. No one needs to guess. You told more than you even suspected you did by the timing of your comment and your willingness to state that "something happened" happened to your sister.

You can release any information you wish about yourself. It is yours to tell. However, it is not yours to tell anything about anyone else, including dropping little lead ins like, "Something happened to my sister."

So, no, your sister's confidentiality is not still intact. And yes, it is disrespectful to her to comment, at all, on something that is not yours to tell. But, I really don't expeict you to understand this. You seem to have a problem with boundaries, and somehow think that because you know someone, their experience becomes your experience, as well. Hoever, I can see that others understand this issue, and as a consequence, will think twice before disclosing anything that is not theirs to disclose.
Jillio, I have already addressed this and made it quite clear that I am respectful of my sister and my family. Your attempts to further berate me are failing. Please take it to another thread. Thankyou.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 03:02 PM   #261 (permalink)
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That is a good question, sallylou. We may not know for some time what good can come from this. I think everyone has to get past the shock and the grief before we can even begin to look for meaning. I am certain that meaning will be found; just not today or tomorrow.
Some children's murders/abductions that have changed the laws..

Polly Klaas
Megan Kanka
Amber Hagerman
Adam Walsh
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Unread 12-11-2011, 03:05 PM   #262 (permalink)
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Some children's murders/abductions that have changed the laws..

Polly Klaas
Megan Kanka
Amber Hagerman
Adam Walsh
Absolutely. I think that maybe this one is just too fresh for anyone to see past the horror yet.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 03:08 PM   #263 (permalink)
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Jillio, I have already addressed this and made it quite clear that I am respectful of my sister and my family. Your attempts to further berate me are failing. Please take it to another thread. Thankyou.
No attempt to berate. Simply calling your attention to something that you obviously don't consider.

Words and actions need to match up. But hey, you can continue to act with disrespect in these matters if you so choose. Just thought you might like to know why people see you as disrespectful in general when it comes to the topic of rape and sexual assault. No biggie, though. Carry on.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 03:18 PM   #264 (permalink)
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That is so horrible. FBI will investigate it immediately. I hope that there are some security cameras in the area to find out who is the monster.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 04:50 PM   #265 (permalink)
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I just ordered my child safety kit

Polly Klaas Foundation - Polly's Story

In light of what happened to Jorley, pls take the time to order your child safety kit from this foundation.

My son will start walking to and from school on his own or with a group of friends (I am hoping for the latter) in 3 years so I am taking all kinds of prevative measures to ensure his safety. It cant hurt.

I am thinking of getting that alarm system installed in which I will be able to monitor my son's comings and goings on video using my phone's app.

I looked up the child sex offender registry and to my dismay, I found so many of them living nearby but not within a mile of my house due to my house being in a school zone. Still..it is disturbing.

Take the time to register yourselves to this foundation.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 05:33 PM   #266 (permalink)
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We all need to keep in mind, as well, that child abduction and sexual assault is most often accomplished by someone known to the child. That familiarity is responsible for the child letting their guard down. We need to incorporate this fact into our plans for keeping our kids safe.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 06:22 PM   #267 (permalink)
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Polly Klaas Foundation - Polly's Story

In light of what happened to Jorley, pls take the time to order your child safety kit from this foundation.

My son will start walking to and from school on his own or with a group of friends (I am hoping for the latter) in 3 years so I am taking all kinds of prevative measures to ensure his safety. It cant hurt.

I am thinking of getting that alarm system installed in which I will be able to monitor my son's comings and goings on video using my phone's app.

I looked up the child sex offender registry and to my dismay, I found so many of them living nearby
but not within a mile of my house due to my house being in a school zone. Still..it is disturbing.

Take the time to register yourselves to this foundation.
It really is disturbing. I just looked it up for my Virginia house, and found 103 offenders in my zipcode and "contiguous" zip codes. (Which means some of these guys are within a couple miles, and some are as much as 10 miles distant. None were in my immediate neighborhood, thankfully.)

Looked up our N.C. area, and did a search for "5 miles radius." There are 14. (Again, none in my immediate neighborhood.)

The NC set-up has these guys graphed on a map. You click on a little indicator, and that person's whole story comes up: picture, age, date of offense, date of registarion, type of incident, age of victim.

It turned my stomach. Age of victim was sometimes as young as 6 - and that one was with a 76-year-old offender. Grandpa, maybe?

I swear, if I were a parent, I'd be paranoid about my kids ever being anywhere out of my sight.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 06:24 PM   #268 (permalink)
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Polly Klaas Foundation - Polly's Story

In light of what happened to Jorley, pls take the time to order your child safety kit from this foundation.

My son will start walking to and from school on his own or with a group of friends (I am hoping for the latter) in 3 years so I am taking all kinds of prevative measures to ensure his safety. It cant hurt.

I am thinking of getting that alarm system installed in which I will be able to monitor my son's comings and goings on video using my phone's app.

I looked up the child sex offender registry and to my dismay, I found so many of them living nearby but not within a mile of my house due to my house being in a school zone. Still..it is disturbing.

Take the time to register yourselves to this foundation.
I did a similar thing like you a couple of weeks ago and I was surprised to see so many in my area and it's mostly rural after a mile's drive up HWY 29.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 06:48 PM   #269 (permalink)
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I did a similar thing like you a couple of weeks ago and I was surprised to see so many in my area and it's mostly rural after a mile's drive up HWY 29.
You need to keep in mind that "sex offender" is very, very broad, and could include an 18 year old and a 15 year old having consensual sex.

The sex offender registry is really just another way to provide a false sense of security to the general public. How often is someone that is registered as a sex offender picked up and found to be guilty of another case. In this case, they questioned the sex offenders registered and living in the area and could find no connection to this crime. That is what happens 99 out of 100 times. In the meantime, kids are being sexually assaulted at an ever increasing rate. It's because everyone is so concerned about protecting their kids from the strangers on the registry, but not too concerned about protecting them from family members and friends. Family members and friends are the most likely perpetrator in a child sexual assault.
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Unread 12-11-2011, 06:52 PM   #270 (permalink)
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You need to keep in mind that "sex offender" is very, very broad, and could include an 18 year old and a 15 year old having consensual sex.
you have a point there though I recall that many of the offenders were in their 50s and 60s.. There's not a lot of young people where I live.
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