My 1st Poem

Chajukin · 05-24-2004, 03:43 AM

Dangerous Life

I wake up my eyes, the blinding sun hits me
my eyes are in so much pain, i open my mouth
to find blood running like a river, dripping down to my chest
I take off my t-shirt, to find written things on me.
I open the curtain and I find camoflauge festival in my backyard
I shakily struggling to reach my water bottle, I grab it, and it spills
I think death is calling me, i walk to my computer, and it has a message
"Your life is over once you read this"
I run, struggling where do I go? it's deserted, suddenly i collapse,
my mind lost, disappeared into another world.

--My 1st Poem, im 16, this was one i was going to write at school--

Roadrunner · 05-25-2004, 08:51 PM

Darkness shrouds over this poem, gloom and dread lurks within...ohhh, another 'nightmare'!

Your first poem...it's written good considering this is your first one....umm...hopefully your next one will have a 'sunny tune' to it...

LittleMissFancy · 05-28-2004, 12:35 PM

I like this. Good job. I like all kinds of poetry and writing, and I don't think that they all have to be cheery. I think most people write about what moves them, and sometimes I think those are the darker things in life.

05-24-2004, 03:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
Chajukin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 159	My 1st Poem Dangerous Life I wake up my eyes, the blinding sun hits me my eyes are in so much pain, i open my mouth to find blood running like a river, dripping down to my chest I take off my t-shirt, to find written things on me. I open the curtain and I find camoflauge festival in my backyard I shakily struggling to reach my water bottle, I grab it, and it spills I think death is calling me, i walk to my computer, and it has a message "Your life is over once you read this" I run, struggling where do I go? it's deserted, suddenly i collapse, my mind lost, disappeared into another world. --My 1st Poem, im 16, this was one i was going to write at school--

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05-25-2004, 08:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
Roadrunner Registered User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 7,090	Darkness shrouds over this poem, gloom and dread lurks within...ohhh, another 'nightmare'! Your first poem...it's written good considering this is your first one....umm...hopefully your next one will have a 'sunny tune' to it...

05-28-2004, 12:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
LittleMissFancy Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 88	I like this. Good job. I like all kinds of poetry and writing, and I don't think that they all have to be cheery. I think most people write about what moves them, and sometimes I think those are the darker things in life.