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Old 04-28-2008, 11:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Can you give this poem a name? and critique?

I can't really name this. If you want to give it a try, I would appreciate it. Thanks so much.... Jeanie,, still chasin the dream for a better tomorrow for ALL!
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Old 04-28-2008, 05:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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"The Watering Grave" ??
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Old 04-28-2008, 05:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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"My Lost Soul"
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Old 04-28-2008, 06:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Here's my idea:

"Condemned"


Also I like Shelly's name too.

FYI: I loved your poem. It gave me chills.
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Old 04-28-2008, 07:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Here's my idea:

"Condemned"


Also I like Shelly's name too.

FYI: I loved your poem. It gave me chills.
Thanks guys, Will give it a day or two, and then we can all chose it. Great Ideas ALL.
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Old 04-28-2008, 07:24 PM   #6 (permalink)
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"The Watering Grave" ??
You guys all rock. In a few days we can look at all the possibilities. DId you like the Poem?
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Old 04-28-2008, 07:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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"My Lost Soul"
Hey girl, thanks so much! This is fun to watch the ideas. I really was at a loss. I have never tried to write a dark poem before. In a day of two we can look at the suggestions and vote.l
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Old 04-29-2008, 06:43 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Yes, I loved the poem and Shel's topic is way better than mine.
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Old 04-29-2008, 07:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
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How about "Abyss of Life"?

I really liked the poem.
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Old 04-29-2008, 11:52 AM   #10 (permalink)
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"Submerciless," because I like to combine words to make unique titles.

The best poetry is the brightest possible image in the fewest possible words. Although dispair poems aren't my favorite, this one's image sticks with me.

Just personal, but I favor rhyme over blank or free verse because I think it helps establish beat and memory.

Last edited by Chase; 04-29-2008 at 01:08 PM.
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Old 04-29-2008, 12:33 PM   #11 (permalink)
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on the scribophile site I suggested "cesspool of life" because it was a recurring phrase throughout the poem.
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Old 04-29-2008, 01:48 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Chase View Post
"Submerciless," because I like to combine words to make unique titles.

The best poetry is the brightest possible image in the fewest possible words. Although dispair poems aren't my favorite, this one's image sticks with me.

Just personal, but I favor rhyme over blank or free verse because I think it helps establish beat and memory.
Clever! Thanks,,, I am having fun seeing the different ideas... I hope everyone will return in a few days and we can all vote on it...
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Old 04-29-2008, 01:54 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Chase View Post
"Submerciless," because I like to combine words to make unique titles.

The best poetry is the brightest possible image in the fewest possible words. Although dispair poems aren't my favorite, this one's image sticks with me.

Just personal, but I favor rhyme over blank or free verse because I think it helps establish beat and memory.
I wrote this because I was seeing other dark poems and wondered it I could do it.

It can have many meanings, depending on how deep you want to think about it. People can get sucked into material success or addictions or sex & pedphilia, pornography or you name it, and they somehow lose themselves... Even if they are still living and breathing, their souls get hardened and they are dead to what use to make them human.

I hope this rhymed. I am posting a new one today, a little cynical,,, but from the heart. I have a real problem with people who lord themselves over others and use religion to make themselves feel superior, not to count how they use the average person for personal gain. It is called the Truths you tell.
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