dreamchaser

I don't know if the attatchment worked. Be gentle. I am new at writing compared to you guys.

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Matilda

Wow! I loved it!

Seeing through the eyes of a deaf child without a care in the world, and the person watching, made a choice to break down the wall of ignorance.

dreamchaser

Thanks for reading. Any good critique for me? Do you think that that my story will reach into the hearts of the hearing people that don't realize that they have been ignorant?

dreamchaser

Howdy, If you happen to read the Castle story, I would truly love your opinions or suggestions. That is why I posted it. If you don't like it, that is all good. I want to know why. and if you do, then way cool.

I am just looking to be a better writer and need your critique... Thanks for taking the time... Jeanie... Still chasin the dream for a better to tomorrow for ALL.

Matilda

I'll be gentle as I can so forgive me if I sound harsh or picking.

Is this the 1st chapter?, or a short story?

Little girl’s Mom … conjecture here? how do you know, it could be an aunt or whomever?

Both of them deaf, or the girl? … presumption here?

“I have enrolled in the Deaf interpreting/advocate program at my local college.” … Does that seem technical sounding of the words/harsh among the reflective words at the beginning, or is that your intention?

dreamchaser

Hey, thanks for the input, and ya know, it is exactly what I was wanting. Not harsh at all.

This was a short story I wrote for my writing class. Had to be three pages or just a little more.

The characteres were fiction. My goal was to show that hearing people look at Deaf people just like they do hearing people UNTIL they realize they are Deaf. I wanted to show hearing people that nothing changes about a Deaf person except that they can't hear. Anybody can become Deaf at any time from an accident or illness. No body is immune. What you are inside is what counts.

Part of the story reflects my heart, and just how terrible I felt when I realized that Deaf people have been so misunderstood over the years. As I started to read more and more about Deaf history, it broke my heart. Most hearing people have no idea of the abuse that Deaf people have undergone in the past. Our history books don't tell the stories. When I hear the words of hearing people, they are not unkind necessarily, but ignorant. I think many think that Deaf people are somehow not capable of a normal life and happiness unless they get their hearing back... That didn't sound right, but I think you know what I mean. My hope was to dispell the ignorance. I was also wanting to make hearing people realize that their indifference and ignorance is just as sinful as outright abuse. If the hearing world doesn't make an effort to communicate with Deaf people by learning to sign, or at least by including them, then a wall will still exist.

what a shame it would be if people could not share their hopes and dreams, their successes and failures, their pain and their fears, their talents, strengths and weaknesses. Wouldn't it be a lousey life and very lonely if there were no communication between people? We need each other, and on the inside, we are basically the same. We all have problems, and we all have talents and dreams etc. Until people make an effort to get to know one another, they can't come together for the good of humanity. So, my goal was to inspire hearing people to search their hearts and realize if they have been indifferent, and to inspire them to reach out to the Deaf community. They have been missing out on a great treasure for a long time, and it is time for that to change.

The story of the interpreting program and the Deaf advocate is my own story. Every time I struggle in school and with life, I stop and try to remember my Deaf friends and how many obstacle that they have to overcome on a daily basis, and it gives me strength to go on, because I truly do have a goal worth fighting for... to be a bridge across of the river of ignorance that separates the Deaf from the hearing.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting... Jeanie... still chasin the dream of a better tomorrow for EVERYBODY!

dreamchaser

OOOPS: forgot to answer the question, yes both mom and daughter are Deaf, and it was suppose to be assumed from the text.

Also, the writing assignment was to tell about a life changing event and the outcome. I hope to one day write a real story that can go deeper and expound more without the limitations of the assignment objective.

Matilda

Yes, I understand what you are saying, no doubt about that. And that’s true, what you are inside is what counts.

I love it when you wrote a perfect picture of a child but that illusion is shattered by the sign-language so that’s where the hearing either have to accept the imperfections or not, by realizing we're the same as everybody with emotions, except for our 'broken' ears.

The Deaf have been misunderstood for donkey’s years and I feel that will never change. It’s like hitting your head on a brick wall!

It would be a long and hard road in bridging the gap with the Deaf and hearing in terms of ignorance. If you want to do that, by all means, do so!

Your brief story would be an excellent one to be printed out to various sources for the hearing to read.

dreamchaser

IF this little story could reach even hearing person and touch their heart to their indifference, then I would give it away freely. I do not know how to publish anything. I gave away a few poems years ago, because they written as gifts more or less. I gave them permission to publish and 2 were. FUnny, I was promised a copy of the magz that they came out in, but never got one. One was a church international magazine, I wrote a long poem called "The Gift of a Daughter" for the mother's day pageant, and they asked if they could publish it. I just gave them a copy and smiled. I Then moved to a new town and never checked to see what happened with it. The other was about a nurse. I signed release before I left the hospital and it was suppose to go into some magazine for the medical field. I wrote them as gifts and didn't want anything in return. The same is true with this story. I just want to get the point across.

Do you remember the "Triumph of the Spirit" book about Gallaudet and Deaf President Now movement? For a moment in time, the hearing and the Deaf actaully partnered to change the policy at Gallaudet. It took both communities to fight the powers that be. Go back and read it again. The key to the success of the story, (I believe) was when the news media got ahold of the story. After that the hearing world was outraged just like the Daef community was, and they donated money, wrote their legislators etc. It couldn't have happend without the involvement of the hearing community. I think the key was communicating the need so that the hearing world could understand that there was a problem. I am hoping that I am right, and that a little education will go a long way towards bridging the gap. Hearing people know almost nothing about the Deaf, because nobody tells them. Well, this little ole granny is pissed about the onslought on our Deaf schools and a variety of other things that are still opressing the Deaf,,, and she is about to start planting some seeds to try to change that. I may never live long enough to see them all grow.,, but I am hoping that the goods seeds will one day grow so thick that the weeds will be outnumbered and simply blow away.

Matilda

Fair enough!


The hearing change their tune very easily when one realizes the person is deaf … that what bugs me! Here is an example -

When my children were younger and at the start of a new school year every year till Year 4, I would take them to school to meet the new teacher as well as meeting the new mothers. Most times, when I say that I am hard of hearing (I’m oral, no sign), most of them would be sort of detached from me. (Only a couple of others became my friends). But at that time, there was one mother there starting talking to me when I stopped her to say I was hoh, she changed her tune very quickly & abruptly and turned her back on me … oooh, that hurt my feelings! I was like, what the heck happened?! How bloomin’ rude!

Yay, you go, Granny! with that type of attitude, I hope you will get that vital message across!

dreamchaser

That is such a sad story. And it happens everyday. Some people act that way because they think they are superior, and some act that way because they are ignorant of how to communicate with Deaf people. They are afraid to offend by using pen and paper etc. But still, there is never an excuse for being unkind or rude, no matter. It makes me sick, but all I can do is pray for them, otherwise I would become just rotten as them if I let myself be consumed with hate. I apologize to you for the way we stupid hearing people have treated you over the years. I guess that sounds pretty pointless to try to appologize for a whole sect of people. It is like tryin to apologize to an Iraqi mother who has a dead child in her hand because your government invaded her country. The innocent always get hurt.

Will society ever learn... I can only hope....

Matilda

No need to be apologetic.

It had always been such a big division between the Deaf and hearing, and that is why we are both guilty of being standoffish with each other due to the fact of not knowing what the other is thinking or going to do. I hope you understood that sentence? It's very difficult to put into words.

What annoys me the most is the limited knowledge of deafness being broadcasted throughout our lives via media, TV, newspapers, etc. Most other disabilities seems to have top priority or superiority over deafness.

dreamchaser

I totally agree, and something else that ticks me off is that Deaf history is barely mentioned in history books "if at all". So how are people ever gonna understand the atrocities that have been perpetrated against the Deaf, and why they are a little suspicous about intent of hearing people? Hitler tried to eradicate anything that he didn't like, and it is scary to think of the things that have been done to try to keep the Deaf from socializing or marry each other etc. I do not blame the Deaf for mistrusting the hearing... We attacked you, you didn't attack us and take away our schools or language etc.

Matilda

If you want to know how to get your short story published, look up Google ... if that's "too professional", print it out yourself with the help of someone. Distribute it to doctors' clinics, hospitals, Deaf centers, etc. ... just a thought.

dreamchaser

Interesting... will check into it.

D-neen

I love your completely story! It will be wonderful that you would do to published it and send it to the drs .. hospital.. adoption agencies whoever the programs are . Let's your story be heard !:-)
Thanks for writing and keep it up in your mind to writing on.:-)

~SG~

I love your story, it is quite amazing how it did changed your life and now you are going through a journey of interpreting program and meeting up more deaf people.

I do hope you will get your story publishes out there.

dreamchaser

Wow, thanks so much. I want very much to not misrepresent the Deaf community in my writing, I just want to tell the story for you. I feel so privileged (TRUE STORY) that I have found the treasure I have found in the hearts of the Deaf people that I love. I want to tell the whole world what they have been missing.

If you ever find that I am not seeing things how you feel, please tell me, cuz I don't ever want to write things in ignorance. If you think of some magazine or something where this would do the most good, let me know. If you put it in one publication, you can't just give to another.

Please think about that for me. I am a novice..

dreamchaser

Hey Oz, what kind of a Deaf center?

DragonYoga

If you have enough karma points on Scribophile, it would be awesome if you posted it.

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dreamchaser

Karma points?

DragonYoga

It's just a points system on Scribophile. To get more points, one would need to vote on comments/works and to critique others' works. It's the number by your star on your "My Desk" page. They just call it karma points, cuz they like it I guess!

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dreamchaser

Thanks,,, you are so good to help me understand. I haven't really figured out how to read an article or critique one yet. But will keep experimenting with the buttons... I have to learn to use their site tools..

I can't even use these tools yet... LOL WARNING keep her away from the nuclear bomb button... LOL

DragonYoga

haha!!!

You will be fine. They have a "how-to" for critiquing. It can be as basic as grammatical errors that you catch, or if something doesn't sound right to you... Similar to my critique of Chase's Beegone.

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VamPyroX

Good story.

Here are a few things that you should consider.

The writing started with you immediately noticing the girl. That seems to me as too sudden or too quick for any reader. Have you thought about making the transition a bit more smoother? How about making the first paragraph where you're minding your own business looking into the sky, reading a book, watching the water, flowers, birds, sun, clouds, etc... Then you turn around and notice the girl. That will give the reader a smooth transition in the story. Let the readers get in the mood that you're minding your own business and suddenly, you get their attention that something happened and make them wonder what's going on.

You mentioned "Deaf" (capital 'D'). How do you know if she is "Deaf" or "deaf". From a stranger's point of view, every deaf person is simply "deaf". If you were a deaf person talking about another deaf person that you knew and that deaf person takes pride or is strongly part of Deaf Culture, then you could label that person as "Deaf". However, in the story you've written... you're describing a little girl from a stranger's point of view... so, "deaf" would probably be better considering the audience that will be reading it.

Along with that part, you've used "Deaf" in the whole writing... including the end. By saying, "Deaf"... it sounds like a program only for those who are strongly immersed in Deaf Culture and not those who are "deaf". The whole paper seems to use that word from a general point of view and not a Deaf Culture point of view. That's why I think "deaf" would be better.

If your story was longer and you had different parts focusing on different aspects of deafness and one part talked about those that were deeply immersed in Deaf Culture, then the readers would begin to notice the differences between "Deaf" and "deaf".

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jillio

This was a wonderful story, dreamchaser. Your story and your use of language drew me in from the very beginning. I agree that this story needs to reach the hearing. Does your college have a newspaper that prints creative writing submissions from students? Quite often,not jsut students, but alumus, read these publications. Or perhaps your local library has a creative writing contest 2 or 3 times a year?

DragonYoga

My college doesn't have short story submissions for our college paper, but I know we have end-of-semester presentations from the Creative Writing class. When I take manuscript writing next Spring, I will probably be asked to read a selection from my manuscript in front of an audience.

SORRY! I know that was way off topic! DreamChaser, defintely find out! Your story could even be submitted to the local papers, as well.

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jillio

Cool! We have several events designed to get student work out in the public, as well. Its always a good place to start.

dreamchaser

Good point, I was gonna change that and forgot. I guess I forget that people don't know that...

The story had to stay to three pages so I didn't have much room to develp the beginning, but now I can cuz it has been graded. thanks so much...

dreamchaser

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I will look into the school newspaper thing. I have felt too shy to really venture out much. Due to panic attacks and a nervous breakdown of such when my husband died, I kind of secluded myself and cried for a year and a half before I realized I just had to face life again. Going back to school was a big step for me, and I am still trying to learn to navigate life again. So, the thought of actually publishing anything is excitting and yet scary. But, my passion to get rid of the walls that exist between the Deaf/deaf and hearing is just insatiable. I may die trying to make even a small difference, but that's ok, cuz I will know that seeds can grow into flourishing gardens in future generations.

I feared that this story might be misinterpreted by the oral only folks. It was not meant to cause controversy, but to encourage love and communication. I would rather have my fingers cut off than to offend any deaf person no matter what their preference is, and I surely don't want to sound condesending.

Thanks again,,,and did I mention that you guys Rock!