"The Castle In My Mind" - Page 2

jillio · 04-22-2008, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamchaser

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I will look into the school newspaper thing. I have felt too shy to really venture out much. Due to panic attacks and a nervous breakdown of such when my husband died, I kind of secluded myself and cried for a year and a half before I realized I just had to face life again. Going back to school was a big step for me, and I am still trying to learn to navigate life again. So, the thought of actually publishing anything is excitting and yet scary. But, my passion to get rid of the walls that exist between the Deaf/deaf and hearing is just insatiable. I may die trying to make even a small difference, but that's ok, cuz I will know that seeds can grow into flourishing gardens in future generations.

I feared that this story might be misinterpreted by the oral only folks. It was not meant to cause controversy, but to encourage love and communication. I would rather have my fingers cut off than to offend any deaf person no matter what their preference is, and I surely don't want to sound condesending.

Thanks again,,,and did I mention that you guys Rock!

I can understand the recovery from the death of a spouse. My son's father (and my husband) died when my son was 6. His needs are what kept me moving forward.

***VamPyroX*** · 04-22-2008, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamchaser

Good point, I was gonna change that and forgot. I guess I forget that people don't know that...

The story had to stay to three pages so I didn't have much room to develp the beginning, but now I can cuz it has been graded. thanks so much...

What were the specific requirements for doing this paper? Font type, size, and margins... double spaced?

Matilda · 04-22-2008, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamchaser

Hey Oz, what kind of a Deaf center?

Don't you have centers for the Deaf, Hard of Hearing, etc ... places where the newly deaf or hoh go to, to get their ears checked? Places where old people go to as well when they become hearing-impaired.

Ask any AD'ers of those places in the city where you are living? or Google or phone directory?

dreamchaser · 04-22-2008, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

What were the specific requirements for doing this paper? Font type, size, and margins... double spaced?

The assignment was to describe a life changing event and it's outcome.

It was double space, Times New Roman, 1-inch margins, all around.

Three pages or just a little past, considering you needed room for the heading.

My teacher said I could use fiction, but doubted that the skill level in that class would be developed enough yet to do so,, But he said go for it if I were brave -- so I did. Pulled an A.

I finally got up the guts to share it with you guys. You are the only real people to critique it.

***VamPyroX*** · 04-22-2008, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamchaser

The assignment was to describe a life changing event and it's outcome.

It was double space, Times New Roman, 1-inch margins, all around.

Three pages or just a little past, considering you needed room for the heading.

My teacher said I could use fiction, but doubted that the skill level in that class would be developed enough yet to do so,, But he said go for it if I were brave -- so I did. Pulled an A.

I finally got up the guts to share it with you guys. You are the only real people to critique it.

The paper you did has 1.25" margins on the left and right. If you changed the margins to 1", it would shorten your writing by 6 lines. That's enough room to add 6 more lines for your intro.

Matilda · 04-22-2008, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

Here are a few things that you should consider.

The writing started with you immediately noticing the girl. That seems to me as too sudden or too quick for any reader. Have you thought about making the transition a bit more smoother? How about making the first paragraph where you're minding your own business looking into the sky, reading a book, watching the water, flowers, birds, sun, clouds, etc... Then you turn around and notice the girl. That will give the reader a smooth transition in the story. Let the readers get in the mood that you're minding your own business and suddenly, you get their attention that something happened and make them wonder what's going on.

dc ... Vampy has an excellent point there! I agree with him.

***VamPyroX*** · 04-22-2008, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamchaser

Good point, I was gonna change that and forgot. I guess I forget that people don't know that...

The story had to stay to three pages so I didn't have much room to develp the beginning, but now I can cuz it has been graded. thanks so much...

I forgot to say this...

If something is too long to add anything else, you can always shorten other parts.

You added a lot of sentences expressing things figuratively and emotionally. Some of those sentences that seem to repeat themselves can be removed or rephrased shorter so that you can add your intro.

Matilda · 04-22-2008, 06:40 PM

dc ... forgot to add an extract from a previous posting that Vampy replied to my query about the differences between Deaf, deaf, hoh and hearing impaired.

"In the deaf world, the difference between Deaf and deaf is Deaf Culture. People who say they are Deaf (with big 'D') are those who strongly follow Deaf Culture. People who say they are deaf (with little 'd') are those who don't follow Deaf Culture.

D-eaf is a person who identifies themselves as culturally deaf, who uses sign language.....and does not see deafness as a disability whatsoever.

d-eaf is a person who has very little or no connection to the deaf culture and regards deafness as a disability.

If you have the ability to hear very well (with hearing aids) and speak orally well, then you could call yourself "hard-of-hearing" when you're describing yourself to other deaf people.

However, if you were in a government office... they would look at "hard-of-hearing" as something used by old people who have lost part of their hearing due to age. That's why they usually use "hearing impaired" instead."

Hope that helps you understand which I did, thanks to Vampy.

dreamchaser · 04-22-2008, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozzie

Don't you have centers for the Deaf, Hard of Hearing, etc ... places where the newly deaf or hoh go to, to get their ears checked? Places where old people go to as well when they become hearing-impaired.

Ask any AD'ers of those places in the city where you are living? or Google or phone directory?

I will ask my teacher or her family.. They are in Portland with much bigger Deaf population, in spite of the fact that the Deaf school is here in Salem.

dreamchaser · 04-22-2008, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozzie

dc ... forgot to add an extract from a previous posting that Vampy replied to my query about the differences between Deaf, deaf, hoh and hearing impaired.

"In the deaf world, the difference between Deaf and deaf is Deaf Culture. People who say they are Deaf (with big 'D') are those who strongly follow Deaf Culture. People who say they are deaf (with little 'd') are those who don't follow Deaf Culture.

D-eaf is a person who identifies themselves as culturally deaf, who uses sign language.....and does not see deafness as a disability whatsoever.

d-eaf is a person who has very little or no connection to the deaf culture and regards deafness as a disability.

If you have the ability to hear very well (with hearing aids) and speak orally well, then you could call yourself "hard-of-hearing" when you're describing yourself to other deaf people.

However, if you were in a government office... they would look at "hard-of-hearing" as something used by old people who have lost part of their hearing due to age. That's why they usually use "hearing impaired" instead."

Hope that helps you understand which I did, thanks to Vampy.

cooool, I will fix that. I guess I was thinkin of born deaf as culturally deaf because they were both signing... But you are right,, general public may not get that... Not really opportunity to explain the concept in the story unless I really broke the flow and found a way to introduce the subject without changing the innocence of the scene... Unless of course, someone can think of a clever way to do it..

dreamchaser · 04-22-2008, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

The paper you did has 1.25" margins on the left and right. If you changed the margins to 1", it would shorten your writing by 6 lines. That's enough room to add 6 more lines for your intro.

Way coool. Don't know how the format got changed... But I think I may have done it when I was copying it from my hard copy. My puter died on me, and it was useless for weeks, so I copied the hard copy.

thanks for your other suggestions below too...

***VamPyroX*** · 04-23-2008, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozzie

dc ... forgot to add an extract from a previous posting that Vampy replied to my query about the differences between Deaf, deaf, hoh and hearing impaired.

"In the deaf world, the difference between Deaf and deaf is Deaf Culture. People who say they are Deaf (with big 'D') are those who strongly follow Deaf Culture. People who say they are deaf (with little 'd') are those who don't follow Deaf Culture.

D-eaf is a person who identifies themselves as culturally deaf, who uses sign language.....and does not see deafness as a disability whatsoever.

d-eaf is a person who has very little or no connection to the deaf culture and regards deafness as a disability.

If you have the ability to hear very well (with hearing aids) and speak orally well, then you could call yourself "hard-of-hearing" when you're describing yourself to other deaf people.

However, if you were in a government office... they would look at "hard-of-hearing" as something used by old people who have lost part of their hearing due to age. That's why they usually use "hearing impaired" instead."

Hope that helps you understand which I did, thanks to Vampy.

You're welcome.

***VamPyroX*** · 04-23-2008, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamchaser

Way coool. Don't know how the format got changed... But I think I may have done it when I was copying it from my hard copy. My puter died on me, and it was useless for weeks, so I copied the hard copy.

thanks for your other suggestions below too...

That's alright.

When I was in college, I had to do 10-page reports... sometimes 20-page reports.

If I have to do 10 pages and print it out before turning it in, then tweaking the margins by .1" can make a HUGE difference. There was one time when I was completely stuck on the 10th page and needed a few more lines to fill it up. I simply changed the margins from 1" to 1.1". With a printout, the teacher won't notice, but on the computer... it MIGHT be noticeable.

dreamchaser · 04-23-2008, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

That's alright.

When I was in college, I had to do 10-page reports... sometimes 20-page reports.

If I have to do 10 pages and print it out before turning it in, then tweaking the margins by .1" can make a HUGE difference. There was one time when I was completely stuck on the 10th page and needed a few more lines to fill it up. I simply changed the margins from 1" to 1.1". With a printout, the teacher won't notice, but on the computer... it MIGHT be noticeable.

Tee hee... about the margin sneakin by... Even in hard copy, our teacher measures it with a ruler... My original was ok, but like I said,, lost files when my puter died so I copied of the hard copy without even thinkin about the assignment,, I took the heading off with my name and class etc.

I am in the middle of a 15 page research paper right now.. I am trying to compile the info now. It is hard when you are trying to write from a human aspect instead of just copying someone else's info from a book. Funny, so many articles cite the same data, but you read the whole article before you realize you already have that info...

I want to do this accorging to differing human opinions, and I will quote the experts. wish me luck..

dreamchaser · 04-23-2008, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozzie

dc ... Vampy has an excellent point there! I agree with him.

I am already chewing on those ideas. I would love to revamp it and make the setting more clear and I want people to taste the salty air, and hear the sounds, and feel the warmth of the sun. I hope I can capture that in pen. Now that I don't have to stay to any particular format, I can tweak it. do you know how long the average short story is for a magazine.. I am guessing they have a limited space... ??? These are all questions I have never really considered before.. Never thought I might actually get to attend school and learn to write.. Life is full of surprises

dreamchaser · 04-24-2008, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozzie

I'll be gentle as I can so forgive me if I sound harsh or picking.

Is this the 1st chapter?, or a short story?

Little girl’s Mom … conjecture here? how do you know, it could be an aunt or whomever?

Both of them deaf, or the girl? … presumption here?

“I have enrolled in the Deaf interpreting/advocate program at my local college.” … Does that seem technical sounding of the words/harsh among the reflective words at the beginning, or is that your intention?

Hey Oz, any suggestions to reword this? That is technically the programs I am taking, but maybe it could be said in a way that hold to the flow of the tone. ???

shel90 · 04-24-2008, 08:41 PM

Hey there..I will read it again and post my opinions this weekend but so far I think it is wonderful and very touching! Weeknights, I am just too mentally tired to really think carefully. Give me time to reply on this one...

DragonYoga · 04-24-2008, 09:22 PM

DC, what is your username on Scribophile? I want to "buddy" you there

Matilda · 04-24-2008, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamchaser

Hey Oz, any suggestions to reword this? That is technically the programs I am taking, but maybe it could be said in a way that hold to the flow of the tone. ???

After what you said about this story being a true one and trying to tell it as is to the hearing public as information regarding the Deaf ... I wouldn't change the wordings after all.

But if you do want to change it ... right at this moment, I cannot think of how it could be re-worded in such a way to make a smooth flow of the story to the end. I'm not familiar with nowadays deaf/terp programs.

I'll try to think about some more over the weekend.

Matilda · 04-24-2008, 10:07 PM

How about this? ... Since my experience on the beach, I am now undertaking a course to complete the Interpreter Training Program (or whatever program you are in) to communicate with the Deaf.

dreamchaser · 04-25-2008, 02:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonYoga

DC, what is your username on Scribophile? I want to "buddy" you there

I used "of all things" Dreamchaser... DUH! I guess that is just me... Still chasin the dream for a better tomorrow for all.... Same dream,, still chasin it... I ain't all about fame or nothing... Kind of a behind the scenes prayer and fixer.... You would not believe the amount of people I am praying for here on AD... They will never really know it,, and that's just fine with me... I just want everybody to find peace and happiness... however it comes to be.

I would be very much honored if you would partner with me.. I don't know what that means yet,,, but if you are doing it,,, then it gots to be good... Thanks Y... J

dreamchaser · 04-25-2008, 02:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozzie

How about this? ... Since my experience on the beach, I am now undertaking a course to complete the Interpreter Training Program (or whatever program you are in) to communicate with the Deaf.

I will put that in and read it back a few times. I put stuff away and go back to it a day or two later,, ya know after a while, you get it so memorized that it just doesn't sound right no matter how you say it to yourself... So.. off I go,,

The program I am taking is the Terp program, but I am minoring in psychology, and plan to put in the classes that I need for being an advocate type counselor... My heart kind of leans to taking care of those who are just having a rough time.. Like how many people can't afford a terp when they need to do something like buy a car, or whatever else.... I want to have time to volunteer at the homeless shelters, I am alread on their list to volunteer for simple stuff, but after I am educated enough, and learn enough sign, I can do so much more... Most folks that have a substance abuse problem are without terps too. I am so sick of life being so expensive...

Anyway,, I guess you can say that my minor is actually advocacy. I think I was hoping that hearies might get the hint that Deaf people need an advocate... I don't really know,,, that's why I am askin you all...

Matilda · 04-25-2008, 05:17 AM

dc ... oh you mean, advisor? who gives advice/help to the Deaf regarding anything.

KarissaMann05 · 04-25-2008, 12:18 PM

I currently read yours.

Dang, that's so awesome. I saved yours in my folder. lol

dreamchaser · 04-25-2008, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozzie

dc ... oh you mean, advisor? who gives advice/help to the Deaf regarding anything.

Hopefully, if all goes well, and I can keep my hands and my feet out of my mouth, I should have the education to counsel to a degree, and to work with the ADA type rights, especially when effects the Deaf community.

If I can, after I graduate, I will try to take a couple of classes a term to get my masters, and see how far that gets me.

The nice thing about not being a licensed professional, is that you can help folks as a lay person and not have to make them jump through a bunch of hoops just to assistance of some sort, or to have a listening ear. I haven't taken all the classes yet, so I don't know what all they will teach me, but the most important ingredient in helping anyone is love. It goes a long ways when it is real.

dreamchaser · 04-25-2008, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mann_K05

I currently read yours.

Dang, that's so awesome. I saved yours in my folder. lol

Hey K05, that is the nicest thing for you to say. It means so much to me. Thanks for taking the time to read it and reply... Jeanie..Still chasin the dream of a better tomorrow for all!

KarissaMann05 · 04-25-2008, 05:19 PM

I think your story is fine. I dont see any mistakes at all. (Or I must be overlooked

)

Your story is so great to read!

dreamchaser · 05-04-2008, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mann_K05

I think your story is fine. I dont see any mistakes at all. (Or I must be overlooked

)

Your story is so great to read!

do you think I should post on Deaf Authors forum? Or is it the same readers as here?

KarissaMann05 · 05-04-2008, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamchaser

do you think I should post on Deaf Authors forum? Or is it the same readers as here?

Actually, it's your desicion (sp). Sign up for member of DAuthors or just prefer to post with your stories/poems in here. It is importance is what you feel comfortable, I can't tell you what to do.

I was considered to quit being writer since I was "attacked" by FP members a last week and few days ago. They told me that what I should not and blah blah blah all about 'true' writer, and I was sick of that shit. It was almost caused me to stop being writer when they tried to push me down like a turn it off. I was so hurtful over what FP members said, so I blocked them and deleted all of their stupid reviews. I was battled with them for two days while I had an another "battle"... But I'm okay... Now I'm not sure about stay being writer or quitting it... Besides, it's my desicion to do so. So.. :shrugs: I dunno what I would do.

That's why your desicion is importance to you for your interest. I don't want you to feel so push by any sitaution around you or they tell you what to do. Comfortable is a key for your interest too.

It's all up to you. Your desicion.

Sweetpolly · 05-04-2008, 10:11 PM

Beautiful story and I love all the describing words you used! I love it!! Keep up your writing your awesome.

04-24-2008, 08:41 PM	#47 (permalink)
shel90 In a pink and black world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: In the land of the free Posts: 24,014 Blog Entries: 3	Hey there..I will read it again and post my opinions this weekend but so far I think it is wonderful and very touching! Weeknights, I am just too mentally tired to really think carefully. Give me time to reply on this one... __________________ Shel~ "A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

04-24-2008, 09:22 PM	#48 (permalink)
DragonYoga chocolatechocolate! Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: St. Augustine, FL Posts: 156	DC, what is your username on Scribophile? I want to "buddy" you there __________________ MMM...CHOCOLATE!!!

04-25-2008, 12:18 PM	#54 (permalink)
KarissaMann05 The Deaf Cougar Join Date: May 2007 Location: Salem, Oregon Posts: 4,452 Blog Entries: 13	I currently read yours. Dang, that's so awesome. I saved yours in my folder. lol __________________ "Just think of it as I'm rebelling against your rebellion."

04-25-2008, 05:19 PM	#57 (permalink)
KarissaMann05 The Deaf Cougar Join Date: May 2007 Location: Salem, Oregon Posts: 4,452 Blog Entries: 13	I think your story is fine. I dont see any mistakes at all. (Or I must be overlooked ) Your story is so great to read! __________________ "Just think of it as I'm rebelling against your rebellion."

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04-22-2008, 06:40 PM	#38 (permalink)
Matilda Boxing Kangaroo "Jack" Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 2,176	dc ... forgot to add an extract from a previous posting that Vampy replied to my query about the differences between Deaf, deaf, hoh and hearing impaired. "In the deaf world, the difference between Deaf and deaf is Deaf Culture. People who say they are Deaf (with big 'D') are those who strongly follow Deaf Culture. People who say they are deaf (with little 'd') are those who don't follow Deaf Culture. D-eaf is a person who identifies themselves as culturally deaf, who uses sign language.....and does not see deafness as a disability whatsoever. d-eaf is a person who has very little or no connection to the deaf culture and regards deafness as a disability. If you have the ability to hear very well (with hearing aids) and speak orally well, then you could call yourself "hard-of-hearing" when you're describing yourself to other deaf people. However, if you were in a government office... they would look at "hard-of-hearing" as something used by old people who have lost part of their hearing due to age. That's why they usually use "hearing impaired" instead." Hope that helps you understand which I did, thanks to Vampy.

04-24-2008, 10:07 PM	#50 (permalink)
Matilda Boxing Kangaroo "Jack" Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 2,176	How about this? ... Since my experience on the beach, I am now undertaking a course to complete the Interpreter Training Program (or whatever program you are in) to communicate with the Deaf.

04-25-2008, 05:17 AM	#53 (permalink)
Matilda Boxing Kangaroo "Jack" Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 2,176	dc ... oh you mean, advisor? who gives advice/help to the Deaf regarding anything.

05-04-2008, 10:11 PM	#60 (permalink)
Sweetpolly Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 127	Beautiful story and I love all the describing words you used! I love it!! Keep up your writing your awesome.