notes on sexual disablities

brucebey

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The mention of 'disabled ' people having sex is guaranteed to raise a lot of eyebrows. An individual in a wheelchair is seen as an object of pity, not of desire. Being 'ugly' or overweight doesn't make a person asexual, but having a physical disability does. And the worst part of this is that many people with disabilities believe this myth themselves. To many men, a spinal injury that results in impotence is seen as the end of their sex-lives. My own Multiple Sclerosis has had a similar effect as the affected areas in my case are mainly spinal. But even less dramatic disabilities often cause people to shut themselves off sexually out of feelings of inadequacy, or out of a fear of rejection.
It would be easy to say that the problem is worse for men, as even moderate dysfunction is immediately evident, and sexual potency and functioning can not be simulated, but the truth is that the problem can be just as devastating for men and for women; just in different ways. The problem may not be as obvious in women, but cultural demands to be "perfect" are so overwhelming that any disability just adds to the already impossible task of living up to the unrealistic ideals all media perpetually assault women with.
And men are just as conditioned by those images as women. We try to live up to what we are expected to be (admittedly, much easier), but disabilities do not enter into that picture. Or if they do, the images of men in wheelchairs that are shown, use men in sport-chairs who have the bodies of Olympic athletes and who are casually whizzing around with the greatest of ease. And of course, men are conditioned to desire that unrealistically perfect woman -- who naturally must not have any disabilities.
So, for each gender, disabilities often cause people to either shut themselves off sexually in order to avoid rejection and embarrassment, or we are shut out, out of fear and lack of understanding.

Wake up everybody!
 
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i don't believe this. First of all, I am deaf and physically disabled. there are WAYS for the disabled to have sex, and I met a few married people who are also physically disabled. Some of personal care assistants are married to a wheelchair person.

The term "disability" defines that WE ARE JUST HUMAN BEINGS WITH "some broken system " and we shall OPEN DOORS!
 
rjr2006 said:
i don't believe this. First of all, I am deaf and physically disabled. there are WAYS for the disabled to have sex, and I met a few married people who are also physically disabled. Some of personal care assistants are married to a wheelchair person.

The term "disability" defines that WE ARE JUST HUMAN BEINGS WITH "some broken system " and we shall OPEN DOORS!
:werd:
 
He wasn't saying that disabilty=no sex....he was saying that the nondisabled world views us as asexual.....
 
deafdyke said:
He wasn't saying that disabilty=no sex....he was saying that the nondisabled world views us as asexual.....

well I'm disabled and aint getting any girls don't even look at me as potintal boyfriend material
 
Soonersseth said:
well I'm disabled and aint getting any girls don't even look at me as potintal boyfriend material


Hey Seth,
There's no need to put yourself down like that - you will eventually become involved in a relationship with the special lady in your life when she enters it. It WILL happen...time will tell.
I didn't start dating until I turned 25, so I was nearly an old maid spinster, ha.
 
A gorgeous man in a three piece business suit, a Porsche, a mansion in California, a villa in Tuscany and a fookin' lousy attitude has no luck getting a wonderful gal compared to a guy in a wheelchair with a wonderful attitude. It doesn't matter if the wheelchair bound man is on SSI/SSDI or even capable of owning his own business, it all boils down to attitude and personality. We all want a good heart, personality and heck good looks would be nice but we all know it goes away at the long run.
 
deafdyke said:
He wasn't saying that disabilty=no sex....he was saying that the nondisabled world views us as asexual.....

This is true. Although, I had personal experience where a guy expressed an interest in me solely for the purpose of finding out what it would be like to be intimate with someone in a wheelchair. Sadly, I found this out after the fact, and ended up with a bruised heart and wounded pride. But, I learned from the experience.
 
me solely for the purpose of finding out what it would be like to be intimate with someone in a wheelchair.
I've heard of that....it's some weird sexual fetish isn't it?
 
deafdyke said:
I've heard of that....it's some weird sexual fetish isn't it?

Hmm, maybe. I never thought of it as a fetish. Just thought the guy was a clod. :lol:

As it was, he wasn't a nice guy. Looking back on it in retrospect, I'm glad we broke up.
 
Hmm, maybe. I never thought of it as a fetish. Just thought the guy was a clod.
I used to lurk at a site for wheelchair users called New Mobilty. It was....OK I guess....although most people who posted there were those with aquirred injuires, so it was very pro-cure and very "Oh being disabled is so horrible and crippling" mentality. Anyway, I remember once they were talking about crip porn which is people getting off on the fact that someone is in a wheelchair.....gawd, what next? The internet has REALLY broken open the silliness of lots of fetishes and other porn....
 
deafdyke said:
I used to lurk at a site for wheelchair users called New Mobilty. It was....OK I guess....although most people who posted there were those with aquirred injuires, so it was very pro-cure and very "Oh being disabled is so horrible and crippling" mentality. Anyway, I remember once they were talking about crip porn which is people getting off on the fact that someone is in a wheelchair.....gawd, what next? The internet has REALLY broken open the silliness of lots of fetishes and other porn....

I hear you about the rehabbers. I must say that being disabled has it's difficulties, but I never considered being disabled a tragedy. It just was something I had to deal with. People's atitude were a whole seperate ball game, however. There is a perceived idea out there amongst the able-bodied population that the disabled should be seen and not heard. That we are a-sexual and more. It takes a really strong person to overcome this bias.

I must say that I have seen disabled people get married and have children, but they are in the MINORITY. It's much more common for a disabled person to come up against the usual predjudices such as the idea that we are asexual.

I hate to contradict those who are trying to be postive, but this IS the norm, and, not the exception. The exception IS that we are considered asexual and that is sad.
 
WOW. xD

deafdyke said:
I remember once they were talking about crip porn which is people getting off on the fact that someone is in a wheelchair.....gawd, what next?

Oh my dear lord. Uughh. *Shudder* CRIP PORN. Okay, that is just plain. scary. o.o I'm kind of .. .. low self-esteem-ish about dating xD.
 
rjr2006 said:
i don't believe this. First of all, I am deaf and physically disabled. there are WAYS for the disabled to have sex, and I met a few married people who are also physically disabled. Some of personal care assistants are married to a wheelchair person.

The term "disability" defines that WE ARE JUST HUMAN BEINGS WITH "some broken system " and we shall OPEN DOORS!

Does anyone ever heard of Joni Eareakson? She's a Christian lady who was paralized (partially) and is in a wheelchair....well, she's been married to a guy named Ken Tada for years! :) Joni was diving in the water and she got injured..so she became paralized.
I agree with RJR....there are wheelchair users being married to other people! :)
 
rjr2006 said:
i don't believe this. First of all, I am deaf and physically disabled. there are WAYS for the disabled to have sex, and I met a few married people who are also physically disabled. Some of personal care assistants are married to a wheelchair person.

The term "disability" defines that WE ARE JUST HUMAN BEINGS WITH "some broken system " and we shall OPEN DOORS!

I agree. I am deaf and wheelchair bound. I am happily married to a sweet deaf man and we have a baby girl who is 19 months old. :)
 
I once had a gf who was in a wheelchair because of her serious injuries from the accident few years ago. She can walk but not on her own. We didn't have problem with sex. She also has cp, too.
 
Anyone here ever made love to a person who has a colostomy bag? I think that qualifies to be in this thread.
 
it all boils down to attitude and personality. We all want a good heart, personality and heck good looks would be nice but we all know it goes away at the long run.
Agreed....but there are too many superfical people out there....I've dealt with prejudiced people too often.....we disabled folks aren't seen as "sexy"
 
deafdyke said:
Anyway, I remember once they were talking about crip porn which is people getting off on the fact that someone is in a wheelchair.....gawd, what next? The internet has REALLY broken open the silliness of lots of fetishes and other porn....

Crip porn? Ewwwwww
 
deafdyke said:
Agreed....but there are too many superfical people out there....I've dealt with prejudiced people too often.....we disabled folks aren't seen as "sexy"

Well, neither are a lot of people who are either deaf or hoh...I have a hearing dog with me...I'm more big brother or little brother material or someone to point at by parents and kids, nothing more. Then I get the questions why I'm not married yet at 42...duh?
 
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