No Longer Who I Was But Not Yet Who I Will Be!

[Cloggy]

I found this article in the American Annals of the Deaf ..

"No Longer Who I Was But Not Yet Who I Will Be" by Michael A. Harvey, Ph.D.

One of his patients describes

“I know I’ve got to accept myself!” she sighed. Jill knew that, like a monkey who didn’t let go of the candy, she would suffer if she didn’t let go of her hearing identity and adopt a new, deaf identity.

It's an interesting read about people that became deaf, not being part of either culture,

I asked her to stand with both her arms outstretched and to imagine one side the Deaf world and the other side the hearing world, and to imagine that she was being pulled from both sides.
The pull to the Deaf world: “We both know what it’s like to be outsiders in a hearing world; we both having hearing losses… But I don’t know ASL and I like many things about the hearing world; I think hearing.”

Therefore the pull to the hearing world: “But there’s a glass wall between me and others. I never feel included.”

As she swayed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, she grimaced. For the first time, she began to cry. "This is how I feel,” she concluded. “Pulled towards the hearing world and pulled towards the Deaf world; but I'm in neither one." Like Jill, the woman who I told you about at the beginning of my talk, she was no longer hearing but not yet deaf.

It shows that we are talking about two worlds, two cultures that cannot be exchanged with each other. Only the loss of a sense or the aquiring of a sense makes it possible to cross the invisible line but in both cases with a lot of work.

Communication is the only way to stay connected to each other.

 

[neecy]

Even with a CI I feel like a fence straddler. My family and most of my friends are hearing. I have some friends from RIT/NTID but I've lost touch with them. I'm not involved with the deaf community locally and that's not because I choose to exclude myself, but because of a lack of common ground - the majority of people in the local deaf community are 20+ years older than me, and that makes it difficult to have common interests beyond hearing loss.

 

[Cloggy]

Even with a CI I feel like a fence straddler. My family and most of my friends are hearing. I have some friends from RIT/NTID but I've lost touch with them. I'm not involved with the deaf community locally and that's not because I choose to exclude myself, but because of a lack of common ground - the majority of people in the local deaf community are 20+ years older than me, and that makes it difficult to have common interests beyond hearing loss.

No other CI-borgs around?

 

[neecy]

No other CI-borgs around?

Two that I know but they are retired vetrans in their 60's. Not much in common there *grin*

 

[Cloggy]

Have you read the article?
Interesting that you went the other way. Do you experience the "loss of / not yet belonging" as well?

 

[neecy]

Not as much as before, I admit. I find I can participate more within the hearing community than I was able to. Something as simple as going to classes (on Wednesday I started math and chemistry classes at the local university) and understanding the teacher without the aid of an interpereter, and even understanding questions asked by students who sat in rows behind me was amazing. So that's opened up a lot of avenues for me. And part of what keeps me from actively becoming involved with the deaf community again is the worry that I'll be treated with disdain or disgust (like some are here on this forum) for having a CI. I'm going to try and bite the bullet and go to the deaf bowling next saturday and see what happens. My sign isn't as good as it once was (10 years of not using it will do that) but it might be fun to see...as long as I'm not rediculed.

 

[Cloggy]

... My sign isn't as good as it once was (10 years of not using it will do that) but it might be fun to see...as long as I'm not rediculed.

Ah, that's like cycling... and remeber this (I use it when I am tired and have to speak norwegian..)

When you meet someone that speaks your langage with difficulty, be aware that there's another language that the person speaks fluently!!

So, when they ridicule you, you still have the upper-hand.
Also, if they do that, it's because they have issues with themself. It's not your problem.

 

[deafdyke]

And part of what keeps me from actively becoming involved with the deaf community again is the worry that I'll be treated with disdain or disgust (like some are here on this forum) for having a CI. I'm going to try and bite the bullet and go to the deaf bowling next saturday and see what happens.

Well, you could maybe go to the bowling without your CI!
But you know, it is slowly but surely getting more accepted.

 

[deafdyke]

Oh, and Cloggy, and neecy, while there can be some extreme anti-hearies in the Deaf World I think a HUGE part of the reason why some Deafer-then-thou folks are that way, is b/c historically oral deaf folks were (and still are in some cases) taught to look down on Signing Deaf folks. Ever hear of the expression "Once bitten, twice shy?"
Being streached between two worlds, could ALSO be seen as being able to get the BEST of BOTH worlds! That is why I advocate dhh kids being taught Sign and Deaf culture, so they can get the best of both worlds instead of always being pushed towards the hearing world. Most of us hoh kids have been historically pushed towards the hearing world.

 

[Cloggy]

Well, you could maybe go to the bowling without your CI!
But you know, it is slowly but surely getting more accepted.

Well, not wearing the CI definitely will not speed up acceptance.

Oh, and Cloggy, and neecy, while there can be some extreme anti-hearies in the Deaf World I think a HUGE part of the reason why some Deafer-then-thou folks are that way, is b/c historically oral deaf folks were (and still are in some cases) taught to look down on Signing Deaf folks. Ever hear of the expression "Once bitten, twice shy?"

That's a reason, but no excuse.

Being streached between two worlds, could ALSO be seen as being able to get the BEST of BOTH worlds! That is why I advocate dhh kids being taught Sign and Deaf culture, so they can get the best of both worlds instead of always being pushed towards the hearing world. Most of us hoh kids have been historically pushed towards the hearing world.

Absolutely there's a big opportunity to get the best of both worlds.

Then, Deaf world should embrace all parents with deaf children, and not judge them when they make a decision that Deaf culture doesn't like. What reason would a parent have to educate the CI-child after the reception it get's by "Deafer-then-thou"-folk. Had the decision been acknowledged, then the parent would be open for deaf culture and sign.

 

[deafdyke]

That's a reason, but no excuse

I agree with you.......but maybe if you heard some of the extremists, you might understand. I don't 100% agree with the extremists, but some of those audist folks out there.....*shakes head*