Having trouble with girl friend's father

[ksbsnowowl]

Hello everyone,

I've got a little situation I'd like some advice for. I'm a 24 year old hearing man who recently entered a relationship with a 20 year old deaf woman (Her father is hearing, her mother is deaf). Well, the summer has come, and we are apart, as we met at college and come from different states. She is having a hard time back at home, because she has grown into a 20 y/o adult, and her father still sees her as his 'little princess'. I'm sure that this is somewhat common of many parents to have trouble coping with their children becoming adults, but she is really getting fed up that her father is not giving her the respect and privacy a young adult deserves.

Now, she comes from a conservative rural family, and her father is probably a little over-protective, so I can see where this is coming from. He also gives her a lot of crap about our relationship, though most, if not all of it is intended to be friendly joking; however, she is getting tired of it. I've already encouraged her to sit down with her father and explain that she's done a lot of growing up while away from home the past two years, and that she expects a little more respect than she's been getting. What other advice or encouragement can I offer her?

Thank you for any advice anyone can offer.

 

[Gemtun]

Hello everyone,

I've got a little situation I'd like some advice for. I'm a 24 year old hearing man who recently entered a relationship with a 20 year old deaf woman (Her father is hearing, her mother is deaf). Well, the summer has come, and we are apart, as we met at college and come from different states. She is having a hard time back at home, because she has grown into a 20 y/o adult, and her father still sees her as his 'little princess'. I'm sure that this is somewhat common of many parents to have trouble coping with their children becoming adults, but she is really getting fed up that her father is not giving her the respect and privacy a young adult deserves.

Now, she comes from a conservative rural family, and her father is probably a little over-protective, so I can see where this is coming from. He also gives her a lot of crap about our relationship, though most, if not all of it is intended to be friendly joking; however, she is getting tired of it. I've already encouraged her to sit down with her father and explain that she's done a lot of growing up while away from home the past two years, and that she expects a little more respect than she's been getting. What other advice or encouragement can I offer her?

Thank you for any advice anyone can offer.

Wow..this is not an easy situation. You sound like a very mature, caring and intelligent man. She is very lucky to have you. I understand that you want to help your girlfriend out. Your advice is excellent. She needs to put her foot down to his teasing and explain to him that while she will always be Daddy's girl, she needs to grow up and venture out into the world. Her father will have to learn that he has to let her go but I know it is not easy. But it sounds like you guys are handling it maturely.

I am curious whether you have met him or not? If not, maybe he needs to meet you to realize how good of a man you are?


Good luck

 

[Cheri]

Hi


There are some fathers out there who are over-protective. My dad is the same way with me, And I am 34 years old, He is still over-protective of me too. Everytime I date a guy, He would jump overboard.

The situation she has with her father, I know that it's alittle too much to be overprotective now that she is living out on her own. But, there pretty much nothing she could do about it because he is always going to look out for her to make sure she is safe. I am also wondering the same as Meggie, Have you met him already in person?

 

[ksbsnowowl]

I am curious whether you have met him or not? If not, maybe he needs to meet you to realize how good of a man you are?

I have met her family, though only once near the end of the school year; I went home with her when she took a load of stuff home a few weeks before the end of the term. To be honest, her father's joking/sarcastic manner is vastly different from my own family, and I was somewhat put off by it. I came away from that weekend thinking he didn't much care for me, though she has since assured me that is not the case. I have resolved not to form a firm opinion on the matter until I've spent more time with him - first impressions aren't always right, you know.

Also, she is the only deaf child of 4, and I am the first boyfriend she's ever brought home to meet the parents, so I'm sure that is playing into it somewhat as well.

Thanks for the compliments and encouragement Meg; I await any more insight you or others may offer.

 

[Angel]

Wow, This is something new here, I haven't met a father who still treat his daughter like she's still a little girl....It does looks like this is not an easy situation there where a father is making all the choices and decisions for his daughter or telling her how she should run her own life etc...

I think he hasn't accept the fact that his daughter is growing up and not a little girl anymore but he still sees her as his little princess...I believe he is afaird to face the things in her life that may hurt her or getting herself in trouble or getting into a bad relationship with men or maybe he wouldn't approved of the things his daughter do in her life or etc....

He has to learn that life is never easy for anyone, his daughter may makes some wrong choices and decisions in her life but all he can do is be there for her by supporting, caring, and loving her....She would also need his advice on some things whatever it may be about....but he would also need to step back once in a while and not to be too overprotective....I do understand the father's love for his daughter, but he would lose her more if he push it too far or go a bit overboard....She would need to have a nice chat with her father and be able to express her feelings out, so that he is aware that this is not what she would want to see her father treating her like she is still his little girl when she isn't a little girl anymore but still growing up to become a fine woman one day, she would rather to have him at her side and support her no matter what choices she does make in her life, one day or the other he would have to learn to let her go and let her live the life she wants.....

You seem a very nice gentleman who cares about her alot and want to see her be happy, and not feeling like she is holding back by her own father....All you can do is be there for her, and try to get her to talk to her father and also meet her father so he can see what a gentleman you are and how much you really do love his daughter and you want to do anything to make her happy and also have a relationship with her and her family!....

Good luck and I hope everything goes well with you and your girlfriend.....

 

[ksbsnowowl]

It does looks like this is not an easy situation there where a father is making all the choices and decisions for his daughter or telling her how she should run her own life etc...

It's not so much that he is making decisions for her, but rather that she has become used to being out on her own, and as usual, expects a little more leeway with the childhood rules upon returning home. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he has her best interests at heart, but she is getting fed up with life back at home. I can relate, the same thing happened to me a few years back, but luckily I never spent more than 3 weeks at home at a time..... and to me at least, her dad would be infinitely more annoying than my own parents were.

I believe he is afaird to face the things in her life that may hurt her or getting herself in trouble or getting into a bad relationship with men

This may well be part of it. In her own words her dad doesn't take our relationship very seriously, as we haven't even been dating for two months yet - and thus he proceeds to tease about our relationship, and she's getting touchy about (and rightly so). He is constantly telling her not to fall in love too fast, and that I may break up with her, though that is the farthest thing from my mind.

I do understand the father's love for his daughter, but he would lose her more if he push it too far or go a bit overboard....

Unfortunately, I can see this beginning already. I worry that my hesitations about her father are influencing her opinion of him as well, and though she tells me it is not, I still believe it is a contributing factor.

Anyway, I'm going out of town for a week, and hopefully things with her father will have gotten better by the time I return. Thanks again for all the encouragement everyone.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yes, I´m agree with ^Angel^´s opinion.

I can tell thru your post, ksbsnowowl that you´re such caring person. What you suggest your girlfriend is an excellent.

Yes, most fathers could be very over-protection and also bit jealous of their daughter´s "new life" because they used like being "Daddy´s girl".

Your girlfriend should sit and have a good talk to her father telling him how she feel and ask him to understand her in friendly way and also show him how much she love him and didn´t forget him.

 

[Liza]

I've had the same experience with my dad.. he has been overprotective of me while I was growing up.. didn't give me leeway at all even when i was 20.. I learned to give myself leeway.. nobody can do that but me. Just have to keep that in mind. I don't think you need to say anything else, as the boyfriend... nothing wrong with that. Just be yourself.

It took a few talks with my father to dissolve his prejudiced views of my husband, then boyfriend. I was honest, and very brutally so.. I'm afraid. I did not defend myself or my choice of a boyfriend. That did the trick. Dad came in time to see my man as a very responsible and handy person, and he loves him like a son. Weird, huh?!