50/50 money bf/gf dating before live together or marriage?

sweet4u618

sweet4u618

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hi i need to learn... I thought 50/50 money is okay after living together or marriage. before living together or marriage, i can pay him sometimes when sssi is not enough and looking for job. I would pay him more if he's patient and understanding me that i try to get job to pay him or to have fun with hiim. so i have question... is 50/50 money early for gf/bf how long 2 months together 7 months together or after living together/marriage or after trust 100 percent? I plan to pay 50/50 is about after job and trust 100 percent and sometimes i think more likely after marriage/living together. cuz it is about love to keep happiness fun not about money money money you know? pls give me advice or opinion. This is so difficult issue for me.
 
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my boyfriend and i have a deal...since neither of us have steady jobs (we're both students) it's whoever can afford/has money at the time who pays for things. it usually comes out around 50/50. however, when you look the marriage point of view, like my parents, my mom didn't work for the longest time because she was raising me and my brothers. but my dad shared his paycheck with her. as long as partners actually cooperate and go through a budget together, setting aside money for their own personal use equally, (or if one gets an extra job specifically for that purpose) it shouldn't matter whether or not the money is split because it is shared. anyway, expenses come first and that usually takes a chunk out of any paycheck, but personal bills, like health insurance and whatnot should also come from the shared fund because although it affects one more than the other, in the end, both people are involved.

hope telling you about my experience helped some
 
i generally believe in the 50/50 approach for as long as it takes -- some couples would start having 1 pay for everything more often than the partner if he/she is the breadwinner in the house or earns MORE than the partner --

the 50/50 approach to me personally is the best avenue to take even if the person who im out on a first date with doesnt have a job or is on SSI/SSDI -- i expect her to have at least some money with her to pay for her part -- ive been used by exes who said "i will pay u back later" and they have NEVER done that -- so :thumbd: to that kind of comment and highly suspicious and a sign that u cannot trust them IMO -- if they dont have money WITH them before going out on a date i would call off the date and say forget it im not going to pay for BOTH of us noway nohow -- this would apply (at least for me) to last at least a year it could be more than just a year after dating -- it all depends on the couple in question and how well they get along generally personality wise and financialwise -- the only time i would offer to pay for it entirely is usually when i REALLY liked the woman after a few dates -- i go by vibes and i trust my instincts
 
I don't think that there should be 50/50. It should only be shared from time to time for gifts, clothes, and food. I take her out to dinner and pay for both of us. She takes me to Putt-Putt and pays for both of us. Those things are easy to compromise with. However, I don't think it's really a good idea to have me giving her money for everything all the time or her giving me money for everything all the time. Once you do it, it can become a habit and habits are sometimes hard to break. When it becomes abused, it could lead to problems. He needs to learn to get through on his own. You can't be supporting him all the time.
 
Vampy -- gifts to me is a separate issue than just going out on a date at a agreed up on location/time -- gifts is something that a person would give to partner that comes from the heart and would at times be unexpected or expected if its birthday or christmas -- those that are unexpected are always appreciated cuz the partner would know that the other thinks highly of them and vice versa -- what if a partner just keeps taking taking taking -- wouldnt that be a problematic situation qq
 
Fly Free said:
Vampy -- gifts to me is a separate issue than just going out on a date at a agreed up on location/time -- gifts is something that a person would give to partner that comes from the heart and would at times be unexpected or expected if its birthday or christmas -- those that are unexpected are always appreciated cuz the partner would know that the other thinks highly of them and vice versa -- what if a partner just keeps taking taking taking -- wouldnt that be a problematic situation qq
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That's what I said. I said that it's okay if it was gifts.

What I meant was giving the other person money. "Honey, I need to pay for my credit card... can you loan me $200?" "Honey, I haven't gotten a job yet. Can you loan me another $200?" That's something I don't want.
 
VamPyroX said:
That's what I said. I said that it's okay if it was gifts.

What I meant was giving the other person money. "Honey, I need to pay for my credit card... can you loan me $200?" "Honey, I haven't gotten a job yet. Can you loan me another $200?" That's something I don't want.
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gotcha okey dokey Vampy -- i agree thats something i wouldnt want either :roll:
 
reply back

hi replies to me are interested that I never thought of that. in first place first date to 6 dates which is already boyfriend/girlfriend since i decided to pick boyfriend/girlfriend online before met him in person. he came over to here visit me sometimes and he asked me to make plans. but i don't know what he want to make plan so i wait in person to make plans in person than online... so on few next dates i asked him u want me to pay myself he said no i told him are he sure cuz i do have tight budget sometimes in future ahead of that. so then later on he realized that i always have tight budget and wait for next ssi. and i told him i will pay him when i get job. i am still looking for job. but today now i might go back to college to finish my certificate so im not sure if i still will get job part time maybe every saturdays won't hurt my financial aid for spring 2005.... so he rather me 50/50 that he seemed no patience or trust in me when i told him about job then i can have more left over money to give him or to take him for fun. any other more ideas or suggestions or cool helpful to this?
 
sweet4u618 said:
hi replies to me are interested that I never thought of that. in first place first date to 6 dates which is already boyfriend/girlfriend since i decided to pick boyfriend/girlfriend online before met him in person. he came over to here visit me sometimes and he asked me to make plans. but i don't know what he want to make plan so i wait in person to make plans in person than online... so on few next dates i asked him u want me to pay myself he said no i told him are he sure cuz i do have tight budget sometimes in future ahead of that. so then later on he realized that i always have tight budget and wait for next ssi. and i told him i will pay him when i get job. i am still looking for job. but today now i might go back to college to finish my certificate so im not sure if i still will get job part time maybe every saturdays won't hurt my financial aid for spring 2005.... so he rather me 50/50 that he seemed no patience or trust in me when i told him about job then i can have more left over money to give him or to take him for fun. any other more ideas or suggestions or cool helpful to this?
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50/50 all the time? It sounds like he's not ready for you.
 
When a couple live together , they should be able to pay 50/50 of their share on bills, foods, etc....

When going on a date or whatever, a guy should be able to pay most of the time...that's how you treat a lady :deal: , psst make sure he opens the door for you too! :D
 
^Angel^ said:
When going on a date or whatever, a guy should be able to pay most of the time...that's how you treat a lady :deal: , psst make sure he opens the door for you too! :D
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thats now basically viewed as OFOS (Old Fashioned/Old School) for opening doors for the women and etc, some men and stone butches still do that -- there are some femmes who may not like that kind of treatment cuz it might be perceived that they "cant" do it or something :dunno:

ive just noticed now a days many dates are often 50/50 and the femmes are much more independent and they give out an air of that they can do whatever they want including opening the doors before their dates even get their hand on the door
 
Well, I may be a tad harsh, but if you cannot afford things. Live with your parents until you can afford things. Why complicate things? If your parents won't allow you back...that's sad then. I don't know how to help. When someone's married...of course....50/50 or put the money in the bank as one account.
 
I dont know about 50-50. I dont want to pay for his stuff that I don't want. I dont force my husband to pay for my pager (altho I will advocate for 50-50 split on the bill for pager because he uses it all times and gives my pager address to his friends to contact him in emergencies.. oy!) but the point is this: if he wants to buy a motorcycle or take a fun class and I am not using it, I won't pay for it or HALF of it. We are not entitled for another's luxeries if one is on a budget. But we do 'share' when it come to our food and bills. Usually I am the one that pays for it 85% of the times... hmm hmm maybe I need to talk with him. he would have you guys to thank if we get into a fight (haha).
I don't like the idea of 50-50 when it comes to grocery. he may get food he likes (like black beans, et cetera) that I don't like so why should I pay for food I don't eat?
But like ktdid says, and I concur-- whoever can afford it will pay it. In the long run, my husband and I will even out our turns to pay which may account up to "50-50" split. I always say to him that to reimburse for all food I bought since we are together he owes me a month (probably two) of rent in new York city. :)
 
Okay, so pay for the things that only you two use together. If it's something for an individual's enjoyment, then that individual (you or your partner) needs to be responsible to pay for it.
 
This is very dicey question ever i read. frankly , I'm much single and live alone.
 
Well depend on your and your b/f 's income met needs such as Foods, Clothes, Bills, Debts, Apt/House, Car payment, and many reasons. U can ask for example: u pay Heat bill and your b/f pay Water bill like something like that. Or can put on 1/2 of your and your b/s money in one bill to cover it up. No matter what how long together if you live in his Roof or he live in your Roof. Just talk it out and discuss about it. Like you put Paperwork and write it down like Water: how much appox. Heat: how much appox. blah blah to total. Then you put your Income for Per monthly and His Per monthly to see if possible to pay whole or "need help" to pay 1/2 money. OR if you feel lucky that he Willing to pay for you Bills and you can exchange for him like food shopping or something like that. That is help for you learn trust him more often that he help it out with you no matter what. That will make you think about marry him in one day! :) Good Luck! ;)
 
Yes. One of the problems I hear on Judge Judy tv show that they don't have proof of a written agreement between those living together so if one goofs up for whatever excuse they have, then you have proof that he or she didn't pay. It's best to be prepared. Sometimes partners turn out so stupid later, which is sad sometimes.
 
ok

I am alone my apartment, i don't need 50/50 with my boyfriend far away from him 4 hours away... until i have job i would pay him back or give him gifts back as 50/50 but i consider 50/50 is mostly after engaged, living together, marriage but if i have job while boyfriend... i can do 50/50 if my boyfriend complained toward me that i have no job where is 50/50 to date him.
Also, for honest, I don't do 50/50 right now. I am still looking for job first though... that in some ways he has to learn that love is important than money until i get job or living together or whatever that we agree that will be good. if we disagree alot, we don't work out.
 
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