"Life about Deaf and hearing people"

Cheri

Prayers for my dad.
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I found this blogging that got my attention, and I wanted to share it with you all.

Hello and welcome to my March blog entry. This month I’ll be considering some of the frustrations that Deaf people face in a world that is simply not geared up for them, and I’ll be turning the tables to speculate on how things might be for hearing people in an imaginary world where the majority of people are Deaf and they are in the minority.

Firstly though, I want to take you through an imaginary day in the life of an average Deaf person here in Britain, to see what kind of frustrations and difficulties they face.

Just like the rest of the workforce, Joe Deaf gets himself up and dressed and heads out to work after a bite of breakfast. He regularly travels to work by train, so heads to his usual platform. It’s here that he comes up against his first problem of the day. Platform changes at this station are still announced by tannoy or loudspeaker, and this morning that means Joe finds himself aboard the wrong train by accident, not realising that there has been a platform alteration. He soon realises his mistake as the train heads in the wrong direction, but by the time he has found his way back and caught the right train, checking carefully this time, he is frustrated and late for work.

Arriving late, Joe makes his apologies and finds his way to his desk. His hearing colleagues seem to be sharing a laugh and a joke, but Joe can’t hear what they are saying and they don’t fill him in on what he’s missing, so he just keeps his head down and gets on with his work, feeling a little sad and lonely and wishing that there was another Deaf person working nearby that he could pass the time of day with.

At lunchtime, he makes his way to the canteen and though the food is not bad, he still feels isolated, as his hearing colleagues laugh and chatter away to one another across the table. Even when he plucks up the courage to ask what they’re all laughing about, they don’t bother to take the time to explain properly, just telling him it was a just a joke and nothing important. He goes back to his meal. The limited communication he has with his colleagues makes it difficult for Joe to join in and this makes him feel resentful and even less confident.

Back at his desk, Joe realises he needs to make a few phone calls, but having to go through the Type Talk operators is never a smooth process and soon enough things start to go wrong as the person he has called starts to misunderstand what he means. Try as he might, he can’t express himself clearly by typing and the conversation goes quickly downhill. After a lot of explaining and clarifying, the conversation is finally sorted, but it was a frustrating and time-consuming business.

Soon afterwards, Joe receives an email from someone high up in the company. It’s full of technical language and corporate speak, not in plain English at all. Joe only uses English as a second language and he struggles to unravel the meaning of the message, worrying about what he might have missed or not understood.

At the end of the working day, Joe decides to treat himself to a new mobile phone before heading home. He compares a couple of models and wants to ask a few questions of the shop assistant, but they become flustered when he explains that he is Deaf and refuse to gesture or write anything down. Again frustrated at the difficulty in communicating, and cross with the assistant’s bad attitude, he leaves the shop without buying anything and heads home an angry man.

Joe’s day was full of miscommunications, missed information and misunderstandings. Sometimes he feels like it’s all just too much.

And Joe is not unusual. Deaf people face these kinds of frustrations and problems on a daily basis, because they live in a world that operates differently to the way they do. It’s not surprising that Deaf people are often lacking in confidence.

Now imagine for a moment that the situation was reversed; that the majority of people were Deaf and used sign language and that hearing people were in the minority. I honestly believe that those problems and those feelings would be exactly the same in reverse. In a world built to suit Deaf people, hearing people would struggle to function in identical ways. They would not understand signed announcements on train station screens; they’d be left out of the office banter by their Deaf workmates; they’d struggle to understand video emails and become frustrated at the slowness and confusion of having to relay all their calls through a video relay telephone service; they’d despair at the attitude of impatient shop assistants. All of this would affect their confidence and self esteem and leave them feeling frustrated and isolated.

If hearing people experienced this, even for just a day, they would have some understanding of the reality of life for Deaf people. They would be able to empathise with Deaf people and be more aware of their suffering. The aim of training course is to make those people working in public services aware of the difficulties Deaf people face on a daily basis in the hope that increasing their awareness will encourage them to commit to making their services more accessible and equitable for Deaf people.

Source
 
yeah, I identfy with some of that. Fortunatly not to that extreme. I have a really difficult time understanding loudspeakers. the highly distorted sounds, no lip reading available and short message leaving little to put things into context make them useless to me.

sounds like the wah wah wah speech made by adults in charlie brown cartoons.
 
This is so very true, it's sad that hearing people just do not know how we feel. Thanks for posting this Cheri, it's good to know I'm not alone in this.
 
yeah, I identfy with some of that. Fortunatly not to that extreme. I have a really difficult time understanding loudspeakers. the highly distorted sounds, no lip reading available and short message leaving little to put things into context make them useless to me.

sounds like the wah wah wah speech made by adults in charlie brown cartoons.

I wouldn't call it "wah, wah", Doug5. If you read carefully, the writers are from the UK and they write a little differently, not to mention the fact that their own Parliament only recently (like in the last three years or less) formally recognized BSL (British Sign Language) so I think the scene is even worse over there.

Nice find, Cheri.
 
Thank you, the reason I posted this because it's almost all true of what many of us had faced on a daily basis. Now if it was all reverse to the hearing populations, they would feel just the same way we felt in the past, today, and maybe forever.
 
Again, like in your thread, I think the hearing parents who are members here should read this as well.

This pretty much summed up what daily life was like for me in a strictly-oral only environment. No wonder that I fell in love with ASL and the Deaf community. :)

Thanks for sharing this!
 
Again, like in your thread, I think the hearing parents who are members here should read this as well.
I don't think some would really care to read under "Our World and Our Culture" You know they mostly post in the cochlear implant/hearing aids forum.
 
Good post. It sure looks like what happens to deafies isolated (yes, even in a crowd) in the hearing world.
 
:gpost: Cheri! :)

I agree with Shel with this comment - this pretty much summed up what daily life was like for me!
 
I don't think some would really care to read under "Our World and Our Culture" You know they mostly post in the cochlear implant/hearing aids forum.



I know..it is a shame.
 
Thank you, the reason I posted this because it's almost all true of what many of us had faced on a daily basis. Now if it was all reverse to the hearing populations, they would feel just the same way we felt in the past, today, and maybe forever.

Cheri,
The hearing population experiences this too. It just manifests in a different form. In "Joe's" life he is mainly seeing it around communication and connection with people. Hearing people may see it in this way too, even though they hear. Or, for example, they will feel frustration and disconnection around relationships or finances.

What I'm seeing in the story you posted is a common denominator that is within most people I meet and within myself. The term I use for it is "non-reception" (NR), which means Joe is not receiving what is happening in the moment and he doesn't see he plays a part in creating that situation.

Joe chooses how he reacts to what is before him and he seems to choose to feel victimized in the story. And another thing, Joe doesn't realize he's choosing his response to the events before him at all. So he's adding another layer of *blah* to how he feels. He feels frustrated.

There's no difference here than with the hearing populations. The subject matter changes, but the feelings are the same.

Ok, so Joe, our hero, finds himself on the wrong train. Right there he chooses how he responds to it. His response is: "this situation is all wrong! it should be different!, there should have been signs at the station to tell me the platform changed!". This is non-reception. Not receiving the moment you're in now. Joe is on the wrong train and totally in denial about it.

What... what is the point in bitching about being on the wrong train when you are on the wrong train? Does it improve things somehow? No. He just drags himself down, puts himself in a lousy mood, and doesn't feel empowered at all because he's blaming others (there should be signs etc.) for his predicament rather than just deal with his situation.

"Oh, wow, I'm on the wrong train; something must have changed and i did not notice; I'll text my boss and let him know I'll be late." Now that's quite a different response to have, now isn't it? He's accepted the situation (reception), he's moving in the moment, and taking appropriate action. There's no feelings of frustration or victimization about the world he chooses to live in. He accepts it as what's happening now and moves from that point.

If he threw a lot of "should of" and "could of" in his response to the situation he's out of the moment and dealing with a world that is made up in his head, not the one he is living in now.

Everyone does this on a daily basis, to me, it's not a hearing/non-hearing thing. It's more of an addiction to drama if you ask me. I've had enough self-generated drama for one lifetime; it's now my time to feel the ease and peace of life.

Echart Tolle's work is great for understanding and changing our habitual patterns of non-reception for our lives. Read his stuff if what I've said has peaked your interest. Also, he's doing a webcast with Oprah which would be great for anyone experiencing frustration or victimization in their lives. The vids are not CC'd but there is a transcript available for each session at the link I posted. Very good stuff.
 
The only problems with your scenario, Dharma, are that deafness isn't a "feeling." And we don't "choose" to have this fact; it's thrust upon us. And I, for one, don't "choose" the better-than-thou and why-don't-you-just-try-harder attitude from so many hearies.

I do, however, "choose" to be fed up with the rather smarmy attitude that it's all in our frame of mind.
 
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Chase, thanks for replying.
I think you missed my point. If Joe in the story is having the experience of a typical deaf person, I'm saying he, or any deaf or hearing person, can enjoy their life more by changing their response to life's situations without the baggage and frustration of "things should be different than they are". I was using the story as an example... I could have used a story about a hearing person who hasn't gotten a date in 12 months. Same difference. The ability to hear has nothing to do with what I'm saying.

The ability to choose your response to any situation makes life easier. I never asked you to "try-harder". I was talking about adding more ease and peace into life, and maybe y'all would be interested in that. I am asking anyone who reading to consider approaching life differently than before.

And I, for one, don't "choose" the better-than-thou and why-don't-you-just-try-harder attitude from so many hearies.

If you want to feel I'm better than you, fine. I could be your friend too, but I guess you want to put up a wall between the hearing and the deaf. Does that perspective make life easier? (since I'm talking about ease here)

I do, however, "choose" to be fed up with the rather smarmy attitude that it's all in our frame of mind.
"Our" frame of mind? There you go again with the us vs. them attitude. Read my post again. I'm not playing us vs them.

I guess anything I say is garbage because I can hear. Is that true?

It's weird. I'm learning ASL because I have 2 co-workers who are deaf and I have a general interest. I'm paying for it, not my job. We all support each other and I never see my coworkers putting a division between us. I'm glad that is my experience with them.
 
Chase, thanks for replying.
I think you missed my point. If Joe in the story is having the experience of a typical deaf person, I'm saying he, or any deaf or hearing person, can enjoy their life more by changing their response to life's situations without the baggage and frustration of "things should be different than they are". I was using the story as an example... I could have used a story about a hearing person who hasn't gotten a date in 12 months. Same difference. The ability to hear has nothing to do with what I'm saying.

The ability to choose your response to any situation makes life easier. I never asked you to "try-harder". I was talking about adding more ease and peace into life, and maybe y'all would be interested in that. I am asking anyone who reading to consider approaching life differently than before.



If you want to feel I'm better than you, fine. I could be your friend too, but I guess you want to put up a wall between the hearing and the deaf. Does that perspective make life easier? (since I'm talking about ease here)

"Our" frame of mind? There you go again with the us vs. them attitude. Read my post again. I'm not playing us vs them.

I guess anything I say is garbage because I can hear. Is that true?

It's weird. I'm learning ASL because I have 2 co-workers who are deaf and I have a general interest. I'm paying for it, not my job. We all support each other and I never see my coworkers putting a division between us. I'm glad that is my experience with them.

The problem here Dharma, is that you are approaching the situation from a hearing perspective. You need to step out of the box, and attempt to view the situation from a deaf perspective. Having 2 deaf co-workers hardly allows you to do that, nor does learning ASL allow you to do that. Involvement with the deaf community, listening to their concerns, and giving validity to the experience of their lives from their perspective, rather than the experience of their lives from your perspective, allows you to do that.

You have come across as just another hearie telling the deaf what they need to do to make their lives easier, when you have never experienced what it is to walk in their shoes. Trust me, the deaf are perfectly capapble of determining what they need and the ways in which they can live their lives optimally. The communication barriers they face are realities, and cannot be changed by asking the deaf to change their attitude. What needs to be changed is the paternalistic attitude of the hearing toward the deaf. What needs to be changed is hearing perceptions of what it means to be deaf. What needs to be changed is the idea that the hearing are the best to determine what the deaf need in this life.

And, no, what you have to say is not automatically discounted simply because you are hearing. But the fact that you even felt the need to make such a remark says a lot. You have come onto a deaf message board, and have gotten defensive over the fact that a deaf poster has told you that your attitude is offensive. A little culture shock going on here? Take it a run with it. The deaf experience the same on a daily basis.

Likewise with your comment, "If you want to feel I am better than you..." No where did Chase say that. However, your post implied that it is your attitude. It is not about us vs them unless you make it so. Instead of standing outside and making observations from your hearing perspective, how about letting go of a little of that defensiveness and take a walk in a world that you obviously have never experienced? Instead of standing in front of the deaf, and offering suggestions about how they can improve their lives, how about walking beside them, and see what the hearing can do to change the attitudes and behaviors that serve to create those obstacles?
 
I didn’t miss the point at all. The posts are the same good-intentioned yet sadly misinformed assumptions I encounter regularly. A person with classroom enlightenment reaches out and feels the pain and wants to show how deafies and hearies are all in the same boat.

In lots of ways we are and in several specific ways we aren’t. It’s those specific experiences that a hearing person can never know.

So being dealt advice like fast cards in Texas hold ‘em is a pastime some people who have lived with total deafness for years do not accept very well. I, for one, do not cotton to being told any of this very real condition and treatment by audists is something I choose.

The last time was a lady who assured me she knew all about “selective hearing” when I missed something she said because I was speech reading someone else.

Analogies are great for general understanding, but specific experiences are far more valid. I choose to rely on insights from those who have been there, done that, rather than those who feel epiphanies.

Having said that, I welcome you to AD. Enjoy even more learning about the deaf world.
 
I am, however, frustrated that Jillio said it better than me, ha ha ha.

The welcome was sincere, Dharma. You will gain useful insights to enjoy both your studies and your deafie friends, just as I have gained insights to deal with my hearie friends.
 
I am, however, frustrated that Jillio said it better than me, ha ha ha.

The welcome was sincere, Dharma. You will gain useful insights to enjoy both your studies and your deafie friends, just as I have gained insights to deal with my hearie friends.

That is an unusual occurrance, Chase! You are usually far more eloquent and resrained that I!:giggle:
 
You both think I'm patronizing you? I'm not.

I don't feel sorry for you or anything. The suggestions above about attitude and choosing responses are things I work on with my friends/classmates/clients all the time. I'm not giving you anything different than I'd give someone else.

You say I cannot understand what it's like to be Deaf... I don't need to know because I'm not talking about deafness. I'm talking about how the character "Joe" could resolve his frustrations and sadness inside differently than 99% of the world. I'm addressing an emotional issue, not a deaf culture one. Do you see the difference?

I'm not telling him how to deal with deafness, but you keep looping around and making what I say about deafness.

Analogies are great for general understanding, but specific experiences are far more valid. I choose to rely on insights from those who have been there, done that, rather than those who feel epiphanies.

I'm sorry if people of the past have been real a-holes on this board and make everyone defensive. I deal with the emotional aspects of people. I know my shit. That's my attitude. That's my forte. I have been there, done that, over and over again. The OP was no epiphany. It works. We can choose to disagree on that.

Thank you for the welcome, Chase.
 
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