Overcoming extreme shyness as a result of being Deaf?

FadedRose

FadedRose

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:wave: I figured the older I get the better I'd be able to...
be a social butterfly? I've found however that this isn't the case. I went through literal hell growing up Deaf. Being mocked, bullied for my speech issues. So much to the point that now as a 29 year old woman I do not have a single friend by choice. I do not think true friends exist. Sad I know but I'm getting tired of subjecting myself to this kind of lifestyle but everytime I become jubilant, social with those I've just met or even with those at work I will get shut down like I have in the past and as a result this brings back all the trauma I've experienced and I revert back to being a teenager and cry in the bathroom. It's silly for me as old as I am to be doing this. It's not my fault I am Deaf, it is not my fault that my speech is not understood sometimes by others and that I'm shunned because I'm Deaf by the hearing that are around me. I feel totally misunderstood. I may speak slow but my mind is sharp...:laugh2: argh!

I so want to communicate with those around me but everytime I decide to say hello to someone I just end up looking like a total goof ball, weirdo because I'm so shy as a result of how I was treated. I'm quite submissive and hate being this way but with family I'm the complete opposite. Typically, I have to work up the nerve to engage someone in a conversation and before I do so I will reherse what I'm going to say to the person before I say it. It's like a mini movie playing in my head and typically I'll see them laughing back at me although they are not. I try so hard to make myself clear, understood that I actually end up sounding the complete opposite because I try too hard and then they really think I'm stupid :laugh2:after total embarrassment I just saunter away and keep to myself the rest of the day or just chose not to speak at all to anyone.

It's very fusterating...and this happens more than I'd like. I'm not ashamed to be Deaf but the stigma attached to it-it's what hurts the most. Not having a voice, not being heard.

How to overcome the shyness and brush off the hearies that put me there to begin with? How do you deal?

the song "time" from inception...
that's what it feels like if that makes sense. The best way I can explain how it feels is through that song.:roll: ( I'm an artist-write music, poems..so art I identify with alot) If you haven't heard the song look it up on youtube.com.

anyone else with this problem too?

S.
 
For me it's a matter of becoming more and more shy and insecure as I get older and more so since I lost my hearing. I was always hoh, but am now total deaf and more and more shy. I used to be very outgoing and would seek people out and things like that. I used to be a social butterfly.
 
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From experience people whether shy or social tend to stick to what they were like in high school unless they make a huge effort or something massive happens.

College dorms for some, sudden deafness for others, sometimes even a single person changes them.

I found after learning that my hearing was slowly going, I've gotten quite brave and social and have been told that "I drag people with me."
I was very shy to the point that I was also crying in the bathroom.


I guess what I'm saying is that everyone has different triggers, so hang in there.
 
Cold hard truth is that people sense weaknesses very easily so if you come off as shy and submissive and trying too hard to please, they will not be drawn to you. Just be yourself and if you're struggling to speak well in certain situations, then write it down on paper!

School was really hard for me - social-wise. but as I got older and stopped caring so much about what people think of me and stopped trying so hard to fit in, that's when I started making a lot more friends.

Do you have any deaf friends?
 
DeafCaroline said:
Cold hard truth is that people sense weaknesses very easily so if you come off as shy and submissive and trying too hard to please, they will not be drawn to you. Just be yourself and if you're struggling to speak well in certain situations, then write it down on paper!

School was really hard for me - social-wise. but as I got older and stopped caring so much about what people think of me and stopped trying so hard to fit in, that's when I started making a lot more friends.

Do you have any deaf friends?
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I had Deaf friends from the 3rd grade up until the 7th and then they moved away ( I had two ). Since then, no. The only Deaf friends I do have are on the net. I'd like to make a couple but I'm not fluent in ASL since I'm Oral Deaf. I did have contact with my Deaf best friend several years ago but she quit talking to me because for some reason or another she disagreed with me marrying a hearing man. She married a Deaf man and basically told me that I should have married a Deaf man as well and so on. Not sure why that was such an issue but I haven't spoken to her since.
 
I used to be so shy growing up because I was very insecure about my deafness but I had freinds. I always felt that I never really fully fit in with them. I learned ASL at 25 years old and now, I am involved with the Deaf community and no longer shy even with hearing people. If they dont like me because I am deaf...I know that they arent worth my time.
 
Am I a social butterfly? :hmm:
 
Well, everybody is different. I'm "friendly" and often make the move to meet strangers, such as a new neighbor. But a "social butterfly" I'm not....My confidence level is very high, never, ever have I been ashamed of my deafness, and I've never let anyone get away if they "made fun of it", I put them in their place. Hold ur head up high, smile on ur face....shoulders back, be confident! People are drawn moreso to others if they sense they are "friendly" and a "smile" does wonders for anybody.
 
rockin' robin got it right - be proud of who you are and hold your head up high. If the people are not being nice to you, forget'em, they're not worth your time. Where do you meet people, asides from work?
 
I used to be extreme shyness b/c ppl used to take advantaged of my deafness. I hated it, why ppl are like that,ya know. I now want to visit my hometown ( 20 miles from where I live) and kick their asses one by one. ( alot of dumb rednecks and uneducated hillbillies) Today, Im wiser and they cant even look at me. :lol:

I dont know where you're from. You should have a lot of friends if you live in big city like LA and Chicago. Please dont feel too bad, I dont have a single friend,either. I had couple of friends in my hometown,they both grew up on same street as I did,I found out later on they werent really my friends. I had one true friend in my lifetime,he is deaf. I need to visit him,havent seen him for almost 15 yrs. I realize how special true friends are. His name is Shane Dyer. If you know him,please let me know b/c I want to know what he is up to,today.

You need to be stronger, dont let them get you down. Dont look at negative people and smile at positive ppl.Trust me, I've been mocked like the world was coming to an end. My mother has cried for me before.

One more thing, laugh at yourself in front of positive ppl when you goof up. Dont take yourself too serious. You are what you are.

I know what you are saying, not having a voice,not being heard. That was why ppl took advantaged of me. I didnt understand it at first but I sure do,now.
 
DeafCaroline said:
rockin' robin got it right - be proud of who you are and hold your head up high. If the people are not being nice to you, forget'em, they're not worth your time. Where do you meet people, asides from work?
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:giggle:uh...that's about it. I don't :shock:. I've had a few from work that have tried to get to know me but after years of what I've been through-and Deaf Tim, I had the same issue of people trying to take advantage of me for the mere fact I was Deaf I just don't want to get burned again. Most of the time I just say hello and go about doing my job. Pretty much my entire day at work is in silence. If I saw someone from work outside of the job I think I'd be a little more social. It's a small company where I work so when I open my mouth its like everyone stops what there doing to see what I'm about to say which just makes me very uncomfortable. :Ohno: I also question why someone is being so friendly towards me, wondering if there's some kind of alternative motive for it because back when I was younger-that was always the case and it was to make fun of me. A whole horde of pigs as I call them hounded me so bad in middle school that I had to switch middle schools in the middle of the year. The ones that signed my year book that did this crap always wrote they were sorry for being mean to me and I've had a few come up to me after all these years to say they are sorry-at the strangest places.

I pick and choose who I talk to carefully nowday's-but do want to live a little since I'm 29 going on 30. It was ok when I was younger but now as I'm getting older I need to just get out there and like most of you said if someone doesn't understand me cause I'm deaf, too bad. However though when I act like that LOL-I'm accused of being a bitch-eh, so be it then.

I do know some ASL but not enough to have a full convo-and this has prevented me from seeking out Deaf friends in my area. I feel like I'm on the fence-not part of the hearing world and not part of the Deaf world but I'd like to be. The only Deafs I have met are from here-not in person though. I'm happy to have a place to come to, to chat-make a few friends. I don't feel as lonely when I'm here. I know that sounds totally pathetic....:D I just hope no one from work reads this! I try to appear strong when am around my co-workers LOL.

:)
 
Jaspheth, I think I speak for many of us here when I say we can empathize with feelings of loneliness and difficulties making friends.

It was because of loneliness and the need to get out of the house that I took up weightlifting for a while and because of that, won a free trip to Hawaii! I made some good friends in the gym. There's mutual respect between people who show up every day to lift heavy things that make them be in pain for the following two days ...hahaha, there were days staircases made me wanna cry. So, it didn't matter in the gym if you were white, black, tall, short, thin or fat or deaf or blind or in a wheelchair. Everyone's on the same level in the gym, we're all haulin' weight and feeling the burn.

I got tango classes as a birthday present to myself when I was 32, to find something to do that would get me out of the house for I worked at home. That was great fun and led to many more good friends and great experiences.

My point being - find an activity that you would really enjoy doing. Anything, go through the classifieds and see what classes are being offered from making ceramics to I don't know, volunteering for a community garden. There ARE good people out there who would like to get to know you. So give them a chance to by getting yourself out there.
 
Like I said before, I found I was becoming more and more withdrawn since losing my hearing, but now I know that's it's most likely due to not being a part of the deaf community and feeling isolated in my hearing loss. Just since finding a deaf church in my area and knowing that I will meet people and become more knowledgeable with my ASL learning has made me feel more open to meeting more and more people. I don't feel as isolated as I have for the past 5 years.
 
KristinaB said:
Like I said before, I found I was becoming more and more withdrawn since losing my hearing, but now I know that's it's most likely due to not being a part of the deaf community and feeling isolated in my hearing loss. Just since finding a deaf church in my area and knowing that I will meet people and become more knowledgeable with my ASL learning has made me feel more open to meeting more and more people. I don't feel as isolated as I have for the past 5 years.
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That's sooooo GREAT!!!!!!
 
KristinaB said:
Like I said before, I found I was becoming more and more withdrawn since losing my hearing, but now I know that's it's most likely due to not being a part of the deaf community and feeling isolated in my hearing loss. Just since finding a deaf church in my area and knowing that I will meet people and become more knowledgeable with my ASL learning has made me feel more open to meeting more and more people. I don't feel as isolated as I have for the past 5 years.
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Great for you I am glad of you! :) it is wonderful!
 
Caroline,
I have found something to do :). I love, love classical music and have brought tickets to see an full fledged orchestra in my area. That'll give me something to do. I'm into art-big time. Art and music geek so that's 1 thing I can do. I hope its fun. :)
 
I didn't know there were Deaf churches, thats way cool and I'm glad you found a place to belong.

If gyms weren't so expensive I'd join up just to get fit...lord knows I'm not a teenager anymore so NO MORE FAST FOOD! :) How do you keep up the working out? it tends to get boring do the same routine three times a week or more.
 
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