Cold Deaf Community

DeafBajaGal, I am sorry to hear about your experience with the deaf community in your new area. I pray that you will have better experience than what I had experienced over the years.

Well, I've had lived in Georgia (in the Atlanta's northern and western suburbs) for over fifteen years, I still didn't feel welcomed in the deaf community. I used to hang out with a deaf girl in northern Georgia, but I had to end our friendship - she was making my life miserable - intentionally. I met her through my mother's former hairstylist (her sister-in-law.) I only have two close friends that are deaf living in Atlanta's inner suburbs, they moved from elsewhere. I wish I could be around them more often, they are very awesome people to be around.

Couple of years ago. my friend I knew from the deaf school in another state came to visit me, I took her to three different deaf socials/gatherings and two football games at GSD. Several of them came to talk to her like they knew each other and ignored me. I guess they could tell that I wasn't truly deaf or whatever they thought/assumed. I have deaf relatives on both sides so does my step-father on his mother's side. Most of them are no different from other deaf people I have seen/known.

I guess I will always be an outsider. It sure does hurt some, but I am OK as long I have several deaf friends and many friends that are not deaf.
 
Brian said:
DeafBajaGal, I am sorry to hear about your experience with the deaf community in your new area. I pray that you will have better experience than what I had experienced over the years.

Well, I've had lived in Georgia (in the Atlanta's northern and western suburbs) for over fifteen years, I still didn't feel welcomed in the deaf community. I used to hang out with a deaf girl in northern Georgia, but I had to end our friendship - she was making my life miserable - intentionally. I met her through my mother's former hairstylist (her sister-in-law.) I only have two close friends that are deaf living in Atlanta's inner suburbs, they moved from elsewhere. I wish I could be around them more often, they are very awesome people to be around.

Couple of years ago. my friend I knew from the deaf school in another state came to visit me, I took her to three different deaf socials/gatherings and two football games at GSD. Several of them came to talk to her like they knew each other and ignored me. I guess they could tell that I wasn't truly deaf or whatever they thought/assumed. I have deaf relatives on both sides so does my step-father on his mother's side. Most of them are no different from other deaf people I have seen/known.

I guess I will always be an outsider. It sure does hurt some, but I am OK as long I have several deaf friends and many friends that are not deaf.
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Wow, Brian. I had no idea you felt this way. From what I know about you from AD, I know that they are missing a GREAT friend if they choose not to hang out with you or speak with you. It is really a huge loss for them.
 
Deafbajagal, since you're still new to them there therefore you couldn't expect a fast warm-up, probably. Sometimes you have to take your time with the society especially being new to the area, and that it usually takes you some time to warm up and create more new friends.

Also it usually takes ambition and show your interest in others, the better... being shy or lukewarm, then it usually gets harder.

It does same for me in Florida since I'm still considered a "relatively new" person for the local deaf community here. It's six years now although I'm not so out-going as much as I used to back in Indiana so in that case it takes me (and them) extra time here.

Yet some certain deaf groups stay cold just like it does almost everywhere, even no difference with the hearing communities either. If you find them 'no good' or too cold for you even after trying therefore they aren't good for you. Find others then like few mentioned above.

just my two cents ;)
 
i do feel outsider in my community still
i lived in my area over 24 years still they treat me like i am always new RME
some of them are my friends and others still ingored me oh well but the ones who ingored me are not worth to be my friends as i ignored them anyway i don't let it bother me, it just maybe they are not really good to get along with with their snobbness.

i know what is like to be outsider. As i did try but sometimes it didn't work. it took me LONG like 24 years to get to know them but didn't as they are still being snob.
oh well
 
Hey...my Deaf brother moved here to MD over the summer and got a job at a Deaf school 3 months ago. Guess what? He hasnt made any friends with his Deaf coworkers or any of the members from the Deaf community where he lives. He hangs out with 2 people who are hearing or hangs out with me. He said he feels the same as you do with that Deaf community. He has made friends with my friends from the friendlier Deaf community.

I dont know if that's normal or just happens in certain communities.
 
What happened to welcoming others with open arms?

Are these deaf people in question fearful or intimidated by new staff members at a deaf work place?
 
Trust me, I am used to one of largest Deaf population and I know how they would treat with just any Deafies. I *DO* feel offended and invading when a Deaf stranger barged up to me and be extremely friendly with me. I rather go slow and get know them.

What I like about huge Deaf population is less gossip and rumors and back stabbing. Since this area has huge Deafies around, I have no time paying attention to everybody, comparing to area with smaller Deaf community, GAWD! all they care is backstabbing and hurting others. That is why I left my birthplace forever!

It DOES take time for you to grow with right people in your area, you are at your advantage. With huge population in Deaf community has diversity where you could fine group that would welcome you. Do not just barge in there. Socialize them until you find that fits you in. Unlike where there is smaller community, you are STUCK and got only "One size fits all", that is where I don't want to be in.

Alex is right about NYC area.
 
I've been in that situation a lot when I was at RIT.

I've been rejected by deaf groups and my ideas have been rejected as well. Their reason? I'm not "deaf enough" or "not like them".
 
I've had the same issue as well. I'm not a well liked person or something. My other friend who doesn't talk much and he makes more friends than me, which I don't get it at all. I'm more of an outgoing person than a chatty type of person, pretty much. I guess it takes time to know a person and it takes years to develop a friendship with someone, I dunno. As well, mileage varies person to person on how they make friends.

Here in Washington state, you generally can make friends easily. They are very welcoming to newcomers, the reason I don't know why. They even social with people in wheelchairs, etc.
 
Ok, for some people are cold each other, like at deaf expo, It felt somewhat weird vibe. I've experienced negative attitude toward me because I'm hard of hearing and I'm different you know gay and color of my skin in both deaf and hearing community. Person who judge me quickly without getting to know me first or he/she get the wrong idea about me. Negative attitude or rude attitude turn me off, I'm like "Geez, okey dokey" then I just simply walk away. I can always move on to someone else who's friendly and nice even be open. I met several nice people in the deaf community and hearing too.
 
What are the reasonings that people are not being welcomed? Are new people seen as a threat? Does this hinder the education system? The lack of friendliness is the reason why my mom pulled me out of deaf school and put me in a hearing school. She was afraid I'd be ignored.
 
diehardbiker said:
Trust me, I am used to one of largest Deaf population and I know how they would treat with just any Deafies. I *DO* feel offended and invading when a Deaf stranger barged up to me and be extremely friendly with me. I rather go slow and get know them.

What I like about huge Deaf population is less gossip and rumors and back stabbing. Since this area has huge Deafies around, I have no time paying attention to everybody, comparing to area with smaller Deaf community, GAWD! all they care is backstabbing and hurting others. That is why I left my birthplace forever!

It DOES take time for you to grow with right people in your area, you are at your advantage. With huge population in Deaf community has diversity where you could fine group that would welcome you. Do not just barge in there. Socialize them until you find that fits you in. Unlike where there is smaller community, you are STUCK and got only "One size fits all", that is where I don't want to be in.

Alex is right about NYC area.
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I think most of the people in this group will agree with you. It's not in my nature to barge into any group (and I find it annoying when people do that as well)...but I do think they should extend some courtesy. For example, I joined a mandatory workshop. They asked me to stand up and introduce myself since I was the new teacher. However, they failed to introduce themselves. Of course I stood back up and said, "Hey! I have the right to know who's who, too." But that kind of thing. When I was back "home" I was the one who made sure the new person felt at home by introducing myself and letting that person know where to find me if they need help with anything. So it's not a matter of "let's be friends." It's a matter of playing the game, "Who Has Good Manners?" Not many people are winning this game. :/
 
deafbajagal said:
I think most of the people in this group will agree with you. It's not in my nature to barge into any group (and I find it annoying when people do that as well)...but I do think they should extend some courtesy. For example, I joined a mandatory workshop. They asked me to stand up and introduce myself since I was the new teacher. However, they failed to introduce themselves. Of course I stood back up and said, "Hey! I have the right to know who's who, too." But that kind of thing. When I was back "home" I was the one who made sure the new person felt at home by introducing myself and letting that person know where to find me if they need help with anything. So it's not a matter of "let's be friends." It's a matter of playing the game, "Who Has Good Manners?" Not many people are winning this game. :/
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It seems like these days many people lack in good manners. I was invited to a birthday party today and I didnt know anyone except for the hosts. They have a deaf child so everyone who attended were their hearing family members...I introduced myself and even tried initiating conversations with them ,since the hosts were so busy with running the party, but nobody really made me feel welcome there. I was basically ignored during the whole two hours by them except for the hosts ...

My husband's family basically do not make me feel like a part of them at gatherings despite me being with my hubby for 4 years now.

I guess it depends on a certain group of people if they are friendly or not.

I agree with many others, I am sure you will find your group of friends that you will click with.
 
deafbajagal-

You're not alone in feeling this way in SoCal. I lived there (in Riverside, even!) for 4 1/2 years. I graduated from Gallaudet and had suitable connections. And yet, I still never really felt I fit in there. C'est la vie...
 
Cousin Vinny said:
deafbajagal-

You're not alone in feeling this way in SoCal. I lived there (in Riverside, even!) for 4 1/2 years. I graduated from Gallaudet and had suitable connections. And yet, I still never really felt I fit in there. C'est la vie...
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Oh, boy. This doesn't look good for me...4 1/2 years and you never felt comfortable? I'm sorry you had to endure that. :(
 
Just have to take time to warm up and find the right crowd who are friendlier than the cold crowd. It does take time to get use to the Deaf communities and find some Deaf friends that will open their arms to you. I think our Deaf communities are changing and do not know their manners, I guess. I am sorry that you are not welcome after three months in California. :hug:
 
Bummer about your experience in Cali.

Could you wait until 2010 for us to meet and possibly click? :)

Anyway, hope you'll make good friends in CA soon.
 
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