Buffalo

I don't mind the gays who are out of the closet as I consider them to be very honest. I have friends that are out of the closet and they don't bother me. It is those that are still in closet and tried to date/marry women that scare me. I want the ladies know how to figure out if a man will be gay in the future or not so they can protect themselves from the hurt.

I notice that a certain man always tease other people about gays and he even bet another man to see who will be the first to drop hands (before someone see them) as they walk down the hallway holding hands. Later on, I found out that he is really a closet homosexual. I really think that he (and others like him) should leave women alone. He often talk about marriage to a woman as he think it will solve his homosexual problem. Later on, another man was talking about gays for no reason. That makes me wonder if this one is a closet homosexual as well. Do you agree with me or not? (Both of the men do not act feminine.)

What else us ladies should keep an eye out for? Thank you for your honest feedbacks.

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Deafness

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VamPyroX

There aren't any foolproof methods of determining if a man is or will be gay (same with women being lesbians).

There are some assumptions... man dresses like a metrosexual or never has a girlfriend... woman dresses like a tomboy or never has a boyfriend.

Sometimes, it could be true... or not. It's like the famous quote... "Don't judge a book by its cover, but what's in it."

I've met guys who never had girlfriends, but that was during their college years where they were under heavy pressure by their parents to focus on school or felt that they had to do everything they wanted to do without dealing with women. They ended up graduating and getting a girlfriend years later... and getting married and having kids. I've met guys who dated women and were all macho who drink beer and wrestle all the time. Yet, they ended up being gay years later. Maybe, there was a life-changing experience that led that person to become gay or maybe he was just in the closet for years and decided to wait until he graduated before coming out of the closet.

There are some fraternities who are very anti-gay and some members don't come out of the closet until after they graduate out of fear that they will be targeted by their fellow brothers of the active chapter. Some women will see that fraternity and say, "Oh, that fraternity never has gay brothers because they are all real men that women want." Well, they don't know the whole story... that's sad.

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Buffalo

I didn't know about the fraternities that are anti-gay. That is new on me. I am reminded of a very good friend who is very pretty/feminine and recently was divorced after about 20+ years. I suspect she might be back with her former lesbian lover.

Those guys I spoke of weren't in college. The first one quitted college and the other one never went to a college. From what I observed those guys, I really wonder if that is true of any guys. I just want to protect myself. That is all. Vampy, you are right... men should know what signs that tell them that a certain woman would became lesbian. I can't really help you out here.

I remember one woman who was very athletic and never got involved with another woman until after she was accused of being a lesbian. I really don't know what really goes on in her head.

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Byrdie714

Gay men don't necessairly act feminine. My current sweetie is a police officer. ( Men in uniforms.... ) my previous was a United States Marine. So...that theory is shot out of the water so to speak.

If your one friend is talking about gays for no reason, he could be "testing" you to see if you are a "safe" person to "Come out" too. Many gays and lesbians sometimes "test" other people to see if it's okay to let them know that they are gay/lesbian because of personal safety.

I don't "come out" to every Tom, Dick and Harry, or Mary, Linda, and Sue because I don't know what their beliefs are in terms of accepting gays and lesbians. The last thing I want do is "come out" to a friend and have that person preach me, etc, etc,.

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PuyoPiyo

Agreed with Vampy and Byride.

How can we tell if a person is really gay or lesbian is not easy. Homophobia can be gay too but they refuse to admit it because they might be feared to be gay or feeling shame on themselves.

Sometimes when I see other men, I can tell he's gay for some reason, but some of the times I can't.

I agree with you, Buffalo, I hate when the "in-closet" folks refuse to open who they are, and picking things to cover themselves which are totally unnecessary or they will depressized themselves from being happy with who they are.

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Buffalo

[quote=Byrdie714;886712]If your one friend is talking about gays for no reason, he could be "testing" you to see if you are a "safe" person to "Come out" too. Many gays and lesbians sometimes "test" other people to see if it's okay to let them know that they are gay/lesbian because of personal safety.
QUOTE]

Do they test people of opposite sex to see if it is safe to come out to that person??? I am not lesbian and I just don't want to be used by any man who wants to use me as 'cover' to make him look respectable in public. Women need to know of this. Men don't have to use women as cover as they can use their job as too busy to find a woman. Any excuse will do, just don't use the women for cover.

I know gay bashing is real. Is there such as lesbian bashing?? I only heard about gay bashing, never lesbian bashing.

The first guy I was telling you thinks marriage will cure him of his homosexuality. He doesn't use the term 'gay' as it denotes openess. Homosexuality is the term he uses. I seriously doubt that marriage will cure him or anybody of homosexuality. I am not in touch with either guy anymore, not in several years (I moved back home).

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PuyoPiyo

Yes there are people bashed against the lesbians, such like calling them "Dyke". There is also "Lesbophobia" but that is specific from the men who feared that women become lesbian and will never give any love to the men.

I believe I have heard there is some people murdered the lesbian women such like this:

Rebecca Wight - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Brandon Teena - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Roxanne Ellis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

More to read about..

Violence against LGBT people - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

But usually, the gay men have higher percent experience of threaten by homophobics compare to lesbian, but transgenders have the highest of all.

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jillio

It has been my experience that the biggest gay bashers are usually secretly questioning their own sexuality.

jillio

[quote=Buffalo;887279]That guy could use a dose of therapy to increase his self acceptance!

deafskeptic

I believe Brandon was a transsexual man.

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PuyoPiyo

Well it's complicated... The murders kept calling Brandon as "Teena", and kept refering Lana that she was a lesbian, that is what make me feel like Brandon Teena is part of lesbian's bashing experiences..

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Byrdie714

[quote=jillio;887621]But in this day an age, personal safety prevails.

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deafskeptic

Judging from what I've read about Brandon, I'd say that he sounded like a FTM transsexual. FTM means female to male. He was planing on SRS and his male friends found out that he was born a female and they killed him for not being of the right gender.

The media which is not well informed on transgender issues prolly protrayed him as a very butch lesbian.

Homophobia certainly played a part in his death though

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PuyoPiyo

I already know that he is a FtM, I even own a movie about him, "Boys Don't Cry". Yes he was bashed for being transgender, but the people who did horrible thing to him viewed him and Lana as lesbian couple, not as straight couple.

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jillio

[quote=Byrdie714;887764]What?

deafskeptic

Ah, ok. It seems I was the one who misunderstood. Sorry. :Opps:


I used to own a book about Brandon as I'm a true crime fan and that book was distrubing because the author of it clearly wasn't sympathetic to him.


Yes, you're quite correct that they were viewed as a lesbian couple. This case is more complex than the usual homophobia case as you stated in an earlier post.

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PuyoPiyo

Ahh don't worry about it

Yeah, homophobics/transphobics viewed transgenders dating with other opposite sex as homosexual are not uncommon..

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VamPyroX

Well, it's against the law for fraternities to be anti-gay... but they often do it anyway without getting caught.

How do you make a gay guy stay away from you? You do things that make him uncomfortable. There are fraternities that will host recruitment events to get many people involved. During those recruitment events, they will observe and analyze those "rushees" and determine who they want and don't want. If they see someone they don't want (like a gay guy), they will simply not focus on encouraging them to attend the next event. If one rushee is gay and acts in a feminine manner, they might do things very manly such as bump each other like football players, do back slaps like tough guys, talk about their wonderful hetrosexual sex lives, etc. Those gay guys might feel discouraged to join and that's what those fraternities want.

What about those who end up in the pledge program and are "outed" later? They simply weed those gay guys out. They haze them, make rules harder for them, set goals that only straight guys would be comfortable with, etc.

What about those who are initiated as brothers and are "outed" later? They simply make those feel left out and move on. I've seen this happen where one brother leaves NTID and goes to a different college... and another brother no longer is involved with their events except the annual banquet.

Yep, it's a sad story. I've got a friend who has helped some of these "outed" people with those situations.

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Byrdie714

Gay men can be fraternity members of Delta Lambda Phi.

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SxyPorkie

Main reason most of them are afraid of coming out of closets are bashings...I dont blame them at all.... I support gays and lesbians even tho I am very straight...

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Buffalo

That is what I figured out with the first guy I was first posting in this thread. He really was very negative about gays/women and I was really surprised when I found out that he often engaged in sex with guys. Once he said that the only sex on equal term is with another man. When he was being negative about women, I thought he was being old-fashioned and sore loser (for example: he think that men should win all the time and women should lose all the time. I was beating him easily with the Uno card game. ) The only explanation I could come up with why he believes in all that is he has mental illness - he has been in a mental hospital few times.

I also read somewhere long time ago that if a man is willing to share a woman with another man (menage a trois), he might be a latent homosexual (a homosexual who is a "virgin" and refuse to say that he might be a homosexual). That is exactly what I want to know to protect myself from a man who is afraid of coming out of his closet. I just don't think he has the right to use any woman as a cover to protect his secret. He could and should use something else like work or hobby as a cover as in too busy to date women. That is why I don't mind if a guy came out of his closet because I would know that he is off limit to me. I'd rather spend my time with a 100% hextrosexual guy.

Jillio, do you know more of stuff like that??? Does gay bashing always means that the basher is a latent homosexual or just a possibility? Is looking down on women a sure way that he might be a latent homosexual?? How about promiscuity?? Visiting a gay bar just out of curiosity? (I know a college friend who did that and several years later I heard that he died of AIDS.) Anything else???

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Buffalo

Same here.

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