pinkbushwilly87

Hello! My name's Gina, and I'm a newbie to this site. Well, a lurker also, I guess. Anyhow, I am 17 years old. Last year, I kind of realized that I'm bi-curious since I somehow felt a bit strangely attracted to somegirls. My feelings got stronger few weeks before school ended, so now I'm sure of it that I'm bi-sexual.

But I needed someone to talk to about my feelings, so I turned to my mum hoping she'd be of some help. Instead, she replies with a "Oh honey, I'm sure it's just a phase. I mean... you constantly talk about boys a lot!"

I do like guys too! She just thinks it's a phase, and that I shouldn't be sure unless I've experienced what it's like to have a relationship with the same sex... and I, sadly, do admit that I haven't experienced that.

So what do you think, guys? Am I just fooling myself, or should I forget my mum's thoughts and go with my instinct?

Thanks guys, I appreciate it if any of you could share your opinions, feedbacks, or was your mum like that too when you first told her?

Better go to sleep now. Laters!

Deafness

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CatoCooper13

Well, I reckon you should experience relationships with the same gender and see if you're really attracted to same sex and want to develop a relationship beyond friendship, then you can decide whether you're bi-sexual or not.
I did go through that when I was about 16...then experimented it that same year -- discovered I liked BOTH women and men, so therefore I'm a bi.

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VamPyroX

It could be a phase. I saw this show on television recently where this lesbian gal was dating this other lesbian gal. They were living together. She had a feeling that her girlfriend was doing something that she didn't know about so she hired a private investigator to check on her. A couple weeks later, she found out that her girlfriend was having an affair with a guy in her own apartment. When she confronted her girlfriend, her girlfriend admitted that she was really in love with that guy and had lost interest in her. She said that a year ago, she was in love with her and it was something she had feelings for at that moment. It was more of a curious moment cuz it made her feel good. After a while, she realized that it was just a "phase" and she lost her feelings and went for guys again.

Perhaps, going with other gals who are "like you" and see what happens. Maybe you will understand your feelings better.

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Defee

Gina..you are only 17 years old so take your time and do a little experimentation of both sexes..then as you get a little older, maybe you will find out for sure which gender you prefer..if you still prefer both, then you will be a bi..nothing wrong with that either..good luck!

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Mizzou

Lot of people feel Bi when they were young but becoming old and the feeling for guys and gals is next step into their lifesytle.

Reba

Gina, you are only 17 years old, that is a minor. I don't think it is appropriate for anyone here to tell you to experiment sexually with anyone, male or female, while you are a minor. Maybe you should just "cool it" for now and concentrate on graduating from high school and planning for college. What's the hurry?

VamPyroX

Maybe, we're not telling her to experiment sexually... but emotionally. If she has friends who are lesbians, it might help to go out with them as friends... nothing more. While going out to dinner, movies, or to the mall... she might be able to understand her feelings better. She could do the same thing with guys as well. If she has the same feelings both ways, it's probably bi-sexuality. If she feels more attracted with her lesbian or female friends, then she's an growing lesbian. It could be anything. Of course, it's a very confusing stage in her life.

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javapride

being confused at this stage is a healthy form for u gina, it's gonna be ok and just go with the flow for urself i know ur 17 ( reba u need to chill on jumping to conculsions this is not just abt sex so get ur mind out of the gutter please)
Having a relationship with women or MEN in either way doesn't always relies on sex so just get to know them get to know yrself and i think u ll find yr medium even tho yr young u got a good sense of mind and im sure its not a phase IMO its just a Crisis of Identiy and thats normal for anyone hell iwent thru that i was bi for abt 2 yrs i came out at 19 So its all good in ALL ways no one is going to put u down which way u decide to go, just take yr time don't rush u ll be just fine u got support in either way!

GalaxyAngel

pinkbushwilly87

Take your time when you feel ready being involved dating lesbain or a guy.. Wha..ever..
Depend how much deep inside of your feelings truly identifty which do you really comfy being w/........
Hoping you could openly and understand speaking with your closest friend or wha..ever you can talk w/....... As long make sure you're certinaly 100% idenifty. I do certinally , I understand who r really want to be... bi. Doesn't matter when find your time until you turns older and understand more.... Perhaps you're still young and fine woman.. as 17 yrs old. Plenty time to condiser yourself. Don't quick into rush your lifestyles.
Wishes you have great luck and to find your own truly identiftying....
Take Care...

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deafbrutha

It's difficult to come out in our culture because it is so heterosexist. It is automatically assumed that to be hetero is the norm...and everything else is a phase.

Even in this modern day and age, it is still so bloody diffcultto be Gay or Lesbian, and still people are so bloody ignorant. And when our parents reinforce that same ignorance through their remarks, it hurst even more. Especially, if like Gina, you are confused about your feelings. And quite frankly,our parents are often NOT the best people to approach for help and advice on things such as sexuality.

But to help Gina, first ofall, you would need to accept that homosexuality is NOT a lifestyle choice. It is a inherent attraction to people, that is not the result of choice..the world would like us to believe it is, but it's not. I don't recall asking to be Gay. It was just there.

Secondly, it's quite easy toconfuse feelings of affection and admiration for people with a sexual attraction.They can be quite intense,but they are different...and that difference is something we leanr over time..so Gina,you need to not beat yerselfover these feelings and try to take themin stride..they willand do sort themselevs out.

But to do this, you will need to learn to listen to your own instincts.That is what saved me from falling for the claptrap that our heterosexist culture still promotes about gay and lesbian issues. Trust yerself Gina, you will work it out.

To help you along this path, find some local groups who you can talk to if possible....what about deaf and gay/ lesbian groups in your area. Perhaps you focus on friendships for now, and don't feel pressured into sex....which will make things even worse if you are not ready [either gay or staright sex]..

Reading is another way that I have used to get information, when I couldn't find someone to talk to or TRUST. If you like reading, it's a great resource. Especially reading other people's accounts of coming to terms with their sexuality. The fact that you canwrite to this site,alldeaf.com is a major plus in your favour....I never had stuff like this when I was 17 [I am42 now]

Gina, your sexuality will be what it is, it is important to trust that it is not a lifestyle choice, but part of you. Like being deaf, black or female.

Take it one step at a time Gina, and you will get there!

Good luck

Tony

Reba

I was only referring to the term "experiment" as it was used by previous posters. The word is more commonly used to refer to sexual activities, not friendships and casual dates. If the posters didn't mean it to be sexual, then I apologize.

darkangel8603

I have to say this. I admire gina for her courage to come out and try to talk about this emotional confusion in her life. It is very hard for a teenager that age to just come out and discuss her sexuality to friends, family, heck even strangers on the line. Myself I am a year older than her, and I still havent went to my parent and said, "mom and dad, i think i am a bi or a lesbian, I am attracted to a girl and a boy or just girls (dependin on lesbian or bi)

When I was her age, about a few years ago i went through the same issue with her, but at the time i also fell in love with another girl in my dorm at school, we both fell in love and started to date for a while but had issues that couldnt be resolved, but by then i knew who i was, i knew that i liked girls and boys. But even then i wouldnt dare to tell one single soul about my sexuality, i was tooo frighten, and scared of what other people would think of me and other close friends who are females will stop being my friends because they were not comfortable with me around etc. Less than 5 people knew about me and that girl's realationship, most of them knew from my girlfriend who told them honestly, but for me I have no guts to inform people who i am. Slowly I started telling some people, the closest friend of mine also roomates because they were starting to get suspicious with me when i was with my gf. Anyway that not the point.. But eventually i moved to another school and began to be more open about my sexuality at the new school because i barely know anybody there. ( i had been at my first school for 8 years all together, so i know alot of people there)

I am happy that gina is more braver or has more courages than i do. so basically all i am sayingthat she is not being encouraged to have sex or to be a lesbian, like talked above she is confused and wants to straighten her minds out, which i dont blame her.

Gina.. I think you should just take your time and think about your attractions to either sexs. if you feel like u reallly loved someone and you start dating that person and you will know your real sexuality after that.

I wish you Luck

I talk to much dun I? sorry if i made you all

Oceanbreeze

I admire Gina also. I also wanted to add something about age. It really doesn't matter that she is a minor. At 17 yr old, she is legally able to consent, because in MOST states, the age of consent is at least 16 yrs of age.

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SpiceHD

i went through same thing too... i kept on switching from straight then lesbain then straight.. finally i decided im bi because i enjoy both genders, and enjoy everything not just sexually. it took me few years before i figured out that im more of straight than anything else in relationship because i seem to enjoy more being with men than women... though i do enjoy once in a while being with a female both sexually and non sexually. what i mean.. i tend to take relationship seriously with males than with females for some reason.

my advice? take your time. take it one at a time and keeping going on both sides. Who knows... you may be BI sexual for real but perfer relationships with men over women, or maybe u perfer relationship with women but play with men also. or maybe it is truly just a phase. none of us can tell... not even ur mom or yourself. only way to find out is to expiment... however i agree with reba. you are so young. you ought spend more time on school and college than relationships. (dont cut them off entirely just balance your time) and stay away from sexual activities till you feel sure you are ready for it.. both with female or male. i apologize if my advice offense anybody but im still young myself (im 23) so i remember very well what it was like of being at 17 years old

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Raven

A point I would like to bring up here (I didn't want to waste your space by making another topic on the same subject). I was walking through my university and came across a brochure on bisexuality.

It stated that bisexuality is a confused time of phase in which the person is undecided.

I think it's bullshit, really.


As for you, Gina,

have fun with what you want to do, high school is supposed to be the best years of your life regardless of what anyone say. Keep in mind, i'm not trying to encourage you to disregard your schoolwork.

Pythia

Ah, Cheaters... Good show.

Gina, welcome to AD! Hope AD members' responses are helpful. Good luck with whtatever you decide!

ScrappyKat

i am somewhat on the bi side but i find myself having an easier time with men. I have a girl at the moment and she is deaf. I think the fact that she is deaf makes her not want to tellher parents not only becaus she is nto quite sure about being gay, but because she thinks she has already dissappointed her mom enough by being deaf. i find it all to be so confusing and that honestly.. for teens.. the whole bisexual thing could be just a nice little phase we go through.. not for all though.. i swear... trust me..

deafdyke

Been there, done that! I guess it's harder for someone like me to come out b/c I also have additional counts against me that is being deaf. It took me years to come to terms with being deaf, and I guess it'll take time to come to terms with being L/B. Although many of my friends seem OK with it or they act surprised that I had to tell them!