http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/november-gypsy/ Most popular, free public forum for the deaf and hard of hearing. Come share your thoughts and opinions on deaf related topics and issues. en Wed, 19 Jun 2013 06:09:53 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.alldeaf.com/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/november-gypsy/ http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/november-gypsy/408-another-entry.html Thu, 05 Mar 2009 01:25:16 GMT "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow" Dorothy Thompson


I needed that, so I thought I'd share it. It occured to me today, in a quite sort of way, that by being afraid of the inevitable, by not looking at it in it's silent strange face, I am only deepening my depression, my anxieties. It may seem by that statement that I'm no longer willing to 'fight'...that, even though I'm 'only' hoh, and not yet deaf, I'm setting myself on the path to become deaf because I am unwilling to deny it. I don't think that's the case. I think that, by squaring my shoulders, lifting my eyes from the unfamilar road under my feet and looking at what is before me, I am better equipped to adjust, to learn, to be happy.

My husband got quite angry with me today. He feels that I have given up and that I am being negative...simply because I have chosen to start preparing for the future, which, as far as I can tell and as far as my hearing tests show, is going to be a deaf one. I understand, I think, why he is upset by this. For him, it may be akin to what I would feel if someone I loved had cancer, and then told me that they knew they were going to die from it. I don't think he understands that I am not saying this. By facing my future, I am saying not that I am going to die from cancer, but that I have it...and that I'm going to deal with it. Is that understandable? I don't know. Certainly, going deaf is not really akin to cancer. Yes, there is the death...symbolically...of the old, hearing life. There is a silence where once you heard the noise of life...but silence is a new life...not the end of existance compeletly. It is a life is more detailed pictures, of brighter colors, of cherishing your other abilities, because you know what it is like to lose one. It is learning that 'listening' is not about what you hear, but whether you took the time to understand.

I hope my darling can come to understand some time. He is grieving and anxious now. He bought me bluetooth headset today to see if that would help me talk on the phone. It didn't...but at least he can use it. I love him so much...and his pain is almost more then my own at the moment, I think. We will have to grieve and bury this old me, I know. And I am going to try to give him the time he needs to do it. I can't move on until he does. ]]> November Gypsy http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/november-gypsy/408-another-entry.html http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/november-gypsy/402-beginning.html Fri, 27 Feb 2009 03:15:47 GMT Well, I figured I may as well start this thing. I have no idea if anyone will read it or not, but maybe that doesn't really matter. I enjoy writing, whatever the case. I think going deaf is a very powerful and life-changing (obviously) experience. How I deal with it varies from day to day. Some days (like today) I feel frightened and isolated. It's almost as if I have gone from a world that I at least sort of understood to a world where I not only don't speak the language, I don't have the skills to do so. Maybe everyone feels this way. There are other days in which I feel that I can simply be who I am, no matter what I can or cannot hear. After all, I have always been 'different'. I have never quite fit into the mold. It's not that I don't like other people. I do...but I am very shy, disorganized, forgetful, uncertain. And then I can be very happy digging around in the dirt making things grow, or grooming a dog, or writing a poem. Ah, yes. Poetry. No, I'm not going to ask anyone to read it. It's just something I do. I wrote a poem on going deaf a little while ago, and I was shocked by it. I don't always realize what I feel until I write it.

You don't want to read my life story, and, any way, I don't want to tell it. It is enough to know, I suppose, that I have never been comfortable in a grocery store (and malls are hell for me), but that I am contented and a peace when surrounded by people I am comfortable with, or by books that, like old friends, I can read without opening. It is enough to know that I am more comfortable with the world in it's natural state, then the world as we humans have made it. It is enough to know that I love humans, despite this, and that, if I could, I would change the world to make it better for those who cannot defend or care for themselves. It is enough, I suppose, that I am me. ]]> November Gypsy http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/november-gypsy/402-beginning.html