http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/ Most popular, free public forum for the deaf and hard of hearing. Come share your thoughts and opinions on deaf related topics and issues. en Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:58:25 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.alldeaf.com/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/ http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/260-when-you-love-someone-she-doesn-t-love-you-back.html Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:19:43 GMT She was my neighbor, i was 19 she was 17, i was young and naive, she noticed me, i used to find her beautiful and i was hopelessly in love with her ,I used to deliberately wait at the bus stop for her ,I used to pray so that we could be on the same bus . Whenever i saw her my heart used to do hairsprings I enjoyed every moment i got with her, i used to think about her 24 hrs and still I couldn't get enough of her. Whenever her pesky sister used to interrupt us in mid conversation I had to control a terrible urge to wring her neck. She used to do it deliberately and i absolutely hated it. I thought that she knew that I loved her and it will take her time to be free with me as the stifling presence of her dad and sis used to be a constant feature of our meetings so i started missing school just to talk to her, my grades dropped and my troubles at home multiplied but a strange attraction for her kept me going. At times she ignored me but I didn't mind it as whenever she needed someone I was always there. I gave her my shoulder to lean on when all she needed was a hand but she didn't love me she showed this in the most cruel way she used to bitch about me and my family with her friends when I came to know that I didn't feel angry i was heartbroken as that was the way I loved her, but i took this in my stride and kept on a facade of normalcy I didn't act like a loser, I was a survivor who learn the hard way that sometimes you can love some people who are totally undeserving of your heart. I still don't know that a 17 year old can differentiate between infatuation or the love of her life but I know one thing that my feelings for her were true and I can't blame her for not loving me all I can do is wait but if I feel that I was wronged is that justified, should I make her pay for her betrayal of my trust why shouldn't I make life hell for her but what will I achieve? ]]> Nathan http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/260-when-you-love-someone-she-doesn-t-love-you-back.html http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/259-love-lies-betrayal-deceit-why-do-we-lie-those-we-love.html Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:11:23 GMT Why do husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, lie to each other?

Our romantic relationships are seldom what they seem. We all want a relationship that is built on openness, intimacy, and trust, but the truth is, our relationships do not always work that way. More often than not, our intimate relationships involve secrecy and deceit. In fact, if you want to look for deception and betrayal in your own life, the best place to start is close to home. Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, often lie about their true feelings for each other, the feelings they have for others, and their level of commitment. Indeed, it is safe to say that people save their biggest and most serious lies for those they love.

For better or worse, our romantic relationships are full of paradoxes which we try to overlook, downplay and ignore. For the most part, this strategy works well. Until the day comes when it doesn't, and with little warning or preparation we have to confront face-on the reality that our close relationships are not exactly what they appear to be.

Eventually, almost everyone will catch a spouse or partner in one of their lies. Inevitably, we have a difficult time coping with what we have learned and dealing with the fact that someone close has betrayed our trust. We do not expect our partners to mislead us, nor do we have insight into how and why deception occurs.

In fairness, it should also be mentioned that it is just as likely that a partner or spouse will catch you in one of your own attempts to deceive. And ironically, we are just as unprepared to deal with this kind of situation.

Ignoring the paradoxes inherent in our romantic relationships turns out to be a costly strategy and most people pay the price for this decision, unexpectedly, and all at once. It's not so much that coming to terms with the use of deception in romantic relationships will solve all of the problems you are going to encounter, but it will certainty help to reduce the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty that occur when deception eventually comes to light.

When it comes love and romance, most of the things we believe, turn out not to be true. Most people believe that all of their marital or relational problems can be solved through "communication." We also believe that deception is difficult to achieve, that misleading a partner requires a lot of effort and thought, and that romantic partners can tell when a lover is lying, and so on. None of these widely held beliefs, however, are supported by the evidence. Rather, our romantic relationships are held together by a delicate balance of both candor and deceit. And both are critical to making our intimate relationships work.

Romantic relationships entail two important features which allow deception to flourish: abundant opportunity, as well as the need to deceive. As we get close to another person, we intentionally and unintentionally provide them with a great deal of information about who we are, revealing ourselves through both our words and deeds. Creating this kind of intimacy or shared knowledge is critical, as it serves as the foundation for a lot of important rewards. Through our close relationships, we create gains with respect to our health, wealth, and emotional well-being.

Because relationships provide so many important rewards, it should come as no surprise that people are inclined to view their romantic partners in a positive light. We place a lot of trust in our romantic partners. We think we know them well. But while our trust surely provides us with a sense of security and comfort, it also lays the ground for deceit. For as we trust our partners more, we also become more confident but less accurate at determining when the truth is being told.

Every relevant study attests to the fact that lovers are terrible at telling when their partners are lying. In fact, detecting deception with anyone is difficult to do, but lovers manage to take this general failure to a spectacular low. Again, as we become more confident that we can tell when a lover is lying, the exact opposite turns out to be true. This "truth-bias" or "blind faith" provides the perfect opportunity for romantic partners to engage in deception. After all, who makes a better victim than someone who is eager and willing to trust everything you have to say?

Not only do close relationships create a wonderful opportunity for deception to occur, they also create the need. While romantic relationships offer many rewards, they also tend to be overly constrictive. Most everyone has felt the constraints of a close relationship from time to time; quite simply you are no longer free to do what you want, when you want, and with whom you want. So intimacy provides tremendous rewards, but at an enormous cost – the loss of your freedom and autonomy.

Lying to a romantic partner helps us deal with the constraints that our intimate relationships impose. Quite frankly, deceiving a romantic partner turns out to be the most efficient and effective way of maintaining the rewards we get from our romantic relationships while pursuing extra-relational goals and activities behind a partner's back.

How do we decide when to lie and when to tell the truth? Well, most of the time we do not intentionally think about misleading our partners. Rather such decisions are governed by our emotions and just seem to happen when the right situation presents itself. Often a sense of excitement, opportunity, and exhilaration can lead us down paths we had no intention of traveling. A sense of fear, loss, and trepidation, on the other hand, prompt us to cover-up what we've done and be more conservative in the short-term. Luckily our emotions are very good at reading situations and keeping our deceptive behavior within limits. Our emotions prompt us to regain some of our freedoms while also allowing us to maintain the benefits we get from our intimate relationships.

When you take a step back and put it altogether, the picture that emerges tends to be rather ironic. Because our romantic relationships are so rewarding yet constrictive, we are simultaneously more truthful and more deceptive with those we love. Additionally, we place the most trust in the person who is most likely to deceive us, just as we are most likely to deceive the person who loves and trusts us the most. These are just a few of the paradoxes that emerge when taking a close look at the use of deception in our romantic relationships. Most of what is uncovered runs counter to our most cherished beliefs about love and romance; that is, the idea that complete openness and intimacy are a central and defining feature of being in love.

Initially most people avoid looking for deception by a loved one. But as you begin to examine your own behavior more closely it becomes harder to dismiss the degree to which lies, betrayal, secrecy and deceit are ever present in our close relationships. Hopefully, you will take on a greater appreciation for the complexities of your relationships as well as a richer understanding of what it means to be in love. Regardless of the final outcome, taking a close look at deception in your life will change the way you view yourself and others. ]]> Nathan http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/259-love-lies-betrayal-deceit-why-do-we-lie-those-we-love.html http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/258-love-pain-suffering.html Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:10:40 GMT Each of us has the ability to love and to be loved, it is just a matter of finding it within our selves, and then finding a person to share it with.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out you still care for that person.

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back! Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours.

There are things you’d love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear them from, but don’t be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from his heart.

Never say good-bye if you still want to try -- never give up if you still feel you can go on -- never say you don’t love a person anymore if you can’t let go.

Love comes to those who still hope although they’ve been disappointed- to those who still believe, although they’ve been betrayed, to those who still need to love, although they’ve been hurt before, and to those who have the courage and faith to build trust again.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don’t go for looks; they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Believe you’ll find the one that makes you smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Always dream of that special someone.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be , because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy gifts for those you love.

Always put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.

The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves, and not twist them with our own image - otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

I feel wonderful becuase I see the love shining in your eyes;and the wonder of it all is that you just dont realize how much I love you.
I have fallen so in love with you,so much more than I said I would

It is impossible to fall out of love.Love is such a powerful emotion,that once it envelops you,it does not depart.True love is eternal.If you think that you were once in love,but fell out of it,then it wasn’t love you were in.There are no "exit" signs in love,there is only an "on" ramp

Love begins with a smile,endures with a kiss,and dies with a tear.

If you love something let it go.If it comes back to you,it’s yours.If it doesn’t,it never was.

Love is only a word until you find someone to give it a definition. :)

Love is when you look into someone’s eyes and see into their soul....and nothing else in the world matters.

Somewhere there’s someone who dreams of you’re smile,someone who finds your prescence worthwhile,so when you are lonely remember this is true;somewhere someone is thinking of you.

Hoy te quireo mas que ayer,pero no tanto como manana.(Today I love you more than yesterday,but not as much as tomorrow.

When I first saw you..I saw love.And the first time you touched me..I felt love.And after all this time..You’re still the one I love.

Do you love me because I am beautiful,or am I beautiful becasue you love me?¿

It is better to have been loved and lost,than to never to have loved at all.

I dropped a tear in the ocean.Whenever they find it,I will stop loving you.

How do I know if this love?If I can’t take my mind off you when you aren’t around,if I never want the night to end when you are with me,and if when we are together time just stops,so what do you say?I think this is love.

If everytime I thought of him I put a rock in my pocket,I’d have him in my heart and the whole world in my pocket.

If you really love somone,draw a circle around their name and yours,not a heart because a heart can be broken but a circle goes on forever.

I would rather have one breath of her hair,one touch of her hand,one kiss of her mouth,than to live an eternity without her.

Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plently of room on both ends

If you love someone you say it right there or the moment will pass you by-Goo Goo Dolls

Love is a fire.But whether it’s going to warm your heart,or burn your house down,you can never tell ]]> Nathan http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/258-love-pain-suffering.html http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/257-true-love-might-require-you-love-him-her-enough-let-them-go.html Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:09:02 GMT True love is supposed to be what brought you together. Many couples though, whether just dating, engaged to be married, married couples or people just living together experience difficult times, heartaches and breakups. Does true love have a roll at these times? What if it does? Can you handle that kind of love?

It's true you don't feel true love when you are the one being left. There is no sense of love when someone leaves you and you feel betrayed or, feel that you have been done wrong. What you are feeling is angry and hurt. But what if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one who felt you needed to leave? Maybe it's not your desire to hurt the one you're leaving but you have realized that you didn't really love them. You want to move on because there is no sense in trying to be a couple if only one of you desires to be there.

If you are the one being left how should you respond in the situation? How does true love play a part in such a scenario? You are angry and hurt. You feel betrayed and maybe even a bit used and down right mistreated. These are the kinds of feelings and emotions that accompany being left. It's like the fabric of your very being is being ripped to shreds. When you can't seem to stop or get through these feelings and emotions they can lead to bad health. So what can you do differently to avoid the stuff? Well, how deep is the well where love exists in your heart? Not your love for the other person but just love in you.

Here is True Love

Love would not hold someone prisoner. Love won't try to force someone's will. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love never fails.

That is true love. Sounds like a lot doesn't. The good news is that you don't have to do love. Let love do itself. Read again all the things love is and then just submit to it. You have to submit your self to love. In your pain; in your loneliness; in your misery; in your deepest most profound sadness submit yourself to love.

Sometimes it may feel like you are giving up or giving in. You may feel like a failure, defeated and beaten down but, you must submit to true love. It is not that you are doing this for the other person so much as you are doing it for yourself. You only give up your desire for love. To submit to love is to release yourself from the pain. If you don't submit to love you can't forgive. And if you can't forgive you will remain trapped in your pain, loneliness, misery and sadness. No matter what you decide to do, love and forgive or, refuse to love and refuse to forgive, the person who left will still be gone. More than likely they will be going on with their life.

True love helps you to release them without anger and malice. In releasing them through love you release your self to quicker healing. To love in this way helps you avoid bitterness. You will become stronger and mentally more stable. Your emotional health will be stimulated. You will be wiser for your next relationship. Yes there will be another relationship. You will be wiser going in and able to again love freely. Love will carry you through and guide you into a relationship with someone who will truly love you. Relationships may end but true love never fails. ]]> Nathan http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/257-true-love-might-require-you-love-him-her-enough-let-them-go.html http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/256-what-love-how-do-you-know-if-you-have-found-right-person.html Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:08:15 GMT What is love? Is it something you can feel? How do people know if they have found the person they could spend the rest of their lives with? It would be easier to know if we've found this person if we could know what love is.

Initially when we meet someone we like there is probably something physical attracting us. We may feel attracted. Then if all goes well - you go out, have a good time, and find you want to spend more time with one another - you may begin to have more feelings for one another. But is this love? Time is the answer to all of these questions and the tester of the relationship.

Keep sex out of the mix. When sex becomes part of the equation things become confusing fairly quickly. Sex is a strong and powerful gift that should only be used in marriage to become more intimate - more intimate than you could without it. Outside of marriage it only serves to destroy any chance of truly knowing if you have love for someone or, if they have love for you.

If your relationship is based on sex you are on an unstable foundation. If your feelings change so will your desire to have sex, so will your so called feelings of love with this person and, the same is true for them. Sex only works if love is the foundation of a marriage relationship.

Feelings change and this makes it an unstable foundation for a relationship as well. A lot of times feelings change when the bliss of sex has worn off or, the things you can't stand about the other person surfaces with more frequency. Sex will cause you to look past the things you can't really live with in another person. And when sex fails to work for you, all you have left are all those things that irritate you about your partner.

So what is love? If you can keep sex from coming into the picture the time you spend together can help you find out if you can love the person you're seeing. You will learn what their values are. You will learn what makes them tick and what drives them. You will find out if you could love them through the time you spend together.

What are the interests you share? What things are you passionate about together? Are there things that get on your nerves - drive you crazy? Can you live with those things? Are you driven by the same things they are driven by? Do all these interests that you both share cause you to draw closer or, do they make you want to spend less time together? If after you have seen all there is to see in a person and you are still drawn then you are ready - Ready for what? -To make a decision.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do. It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

From the bible here is a description of love:

(4)Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud (5) or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. (6)It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. (7)Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (8)Love will last forever..(1 Corinthians 13:4-8) ]]> Nathan http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/256-what-love-how-do-you-know-if-you-have-found-right-person.html http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/252-have-you-ever-predict-future.html Sat, 27 Sep 2008 03:45:30 GMT Have you ever predict the future? Have you ever have flashback? A vision,a premonition? Some of us can! But how do you get 'em. You don't. They can happen on a very rare occasions and events. Some of us are blesses with a gift and some or us don't.Sometime we don't really understand 'em but it's trying to tell us something.But can you predict the future? Of course we can. Sometime you can predict the future in your sleep. We can only have these when there are dangerous among us or lurking us from dangers. Sometime u get the feelin' like u know exactly what's gonna happen.But we can't change our fate that was meant to be.Some of us ever wish we can change the future but we can't. Unlike in movies they aren't real. Did u get the feelin' you are gonna lose the one you love? Of course, it's called instinct. Have you dream that the one you love is gonna die? Of course we can't avoid it. None of us can. Have u ever have flashback? Flashback occurs to me a numbers of time.Flashback can get you to the past,present and future and review the past. Flashback is like a warning, warning you to be careful or predict the future or prevent something from happening,then again we can't change the past or the future but it can happen if it was meant to be. And once you have this experience you won't get it back..... ]]> Nathan http://www.alldeaf.com/blogs/nathan/252-have-you-ever-predict-future.html