My brother not being allowed to use his cell phone

I am a hearing person, and I hope this forum can help me with something.

I have a brother that is completely deaf. He is married and has two children and they live in another town than me, so we heavily rely on texting to communicate, because he doesn't have a computer.

My problem is this: his non-deaf wife has this habit of not allowing him to use his cell phone. I know, it sounds like a crazy domestic problem. And it is, I guess.
yesterday was his birthday and I texted him several times trying to say happy birthday to him. No reply. I tried again this morning. Still nothing. If he has his phone he ALWAYS replies nearly instantly.
My mother called me and stated that my brother's wife took his cell phone away from him. My mother talked to her on the phone via voice. My brother's wife was very nasty and mean and said, "Here talk to your son" and handed the phone to my brother.
wtf??? My brother is deaf and can't use voice to talk on the phone!!!! What the hell???

Anyway.. this has been going on practically since they got married. Before that my brother and I always had so much fun communicating via text message.

I've had enough. Is there anything I can do to put a stop to this nonsense?
Has anybody ever experienced something like this? It is very frustrating and sad that she is doing this to him. Why would she take the only tool he has to communicate with his family away from him??

thoughts?

thx
littlebro

Sounds like they need marriage counseling with someone educated about Deaf needs. You should find a way to talk to your bro too and see if he sees a problem with it or not. Maybe he is letting wife make decsisions and not standing up for himself? Write Dear Abby maybe it will get published and you can mail the wife the article lol.

Sounds like a messy domestic problem.

All I can says.. what a great WIFE...

I have a question to ask you about your brother... I have read some stories about partner who is hearing like yourself... I am not try being insult or anything like that...

I know several time when partner have SSDI (Disability Income) and try control about the money and leash him/her because to keep income. I believe there is something can do about it. Only way have person to says something or just WALK out.

If he doesn't have SSDI.... then other story...

If I were you... ask your brother.. are you happy? Are your marriage happy? Marriage suppose be compromise and not freak control over the partner/marriage. I am sorry that you or your mother notice that happen and that good thing you two notice because people do that to person even at job, family, and the kid.

I would encourage you to have your brother get videophone. You can look at various VRS provider but if need instant communicate with him. If he have webcam, go use zvrs.com and have it fill application to get service right away. So you and brother can talk via relay with interpreter as to avoid misunderstanding. To seek if your brother needs in help away from 'crazy' if true...

If no value communicate between Deaf and Hearing, then marriage is no good. Marriage is about commit to their life into one human.

If you know any friend of his peer who is Deaf and see if you can reach them. You don't have to explain and ask if he looks okay or have you see him but course they would suspect something wrong.

My prayer go with you guy and hope Wife understand the communicate is the key and not WOMEN way.

want to add that... other than that you aware that you can contact police local to check on them but check on brother as you and mother notice. So ensure he is okay or anything. Just want add that part...

That is not a good sign. Let's hope the big brother would have to come to his sense real soon.

Sounds like the wife is a control freak and the fact that she is hearing, she uses her hearing status to oppress your brother.

The woman needs to go.

Generally, unless abuse is involved, it's best for siblings to not get between a married couple.

One practical idea. Can you get a texting phone on your account and give it to your brother as a belated birthday present? That would be his personal property then.

shel90 said:

Sounds like the wife is a control freak and the fact that she is hearing, she uses her hearing status to oppress your brother.

The woman needs to go.

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^^^^^^ Yeah that!

What a cruel thing to do to take away a form of communication from a Deaf person.

That doesn't make any sense... She should allow her husband to hang out or talk with his family... But Reba is probably is right; you can give a try...

Reba said:

Generally, unless abuse is involved, it's best for siblings to not get between a married couple.

One practical idea. Can you get a texting phone on your account and give it to your brother as a belated birthday present? That would be his personal property then.

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You don't consider a hearing wife taking her Deaf husband's phone away as a form of abuse? I sure do.

I agree it's best to not try to come between the marriage but this is ridiculous what the wife is doing.

rebeccalj said:

You don't consider a hearing wife taking her Deaf husband's phone away as a form of abuse? I sure do.

I agree it's best to not try to come between the marriage but this is ridiculous what the wife is doing.

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Yes, according to experts, that is one of the classic steps an abuser does to isolate their victims.

The wife sounds like a true Bitch....seems ur brother is letting her wear the pants in the family....he needs to get a backbone and stand up to her!....If a woman treated my brother that way, I'd be furious, but again, your brother needs to take the first steps and get out of the abusive marriage.

Intentionally putting up a communication barrier against a person is abuse. Isolating a person from families and friends is also abuse.

I can't really help you out on this one. If I were you, I would try my best to get in contact with him and find out what is going on. I know you said you heard it from your mother, but it's better to hear from your brother.

Wow She is very control his life! Sorry I don't know what to say!

shel90 said:

Yes, according to experts, that is one of the classic steps an abuser does to isolate their victims.

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That is my feeling as well. This isn't a teenager who has broken the rules and needs to have a priviledge taken away. This is a grown man who is supposedly her equal and partner.

I'm floored that someone who do this. It seems so incredibly cruel.

Banjo said:

Intentionally putting up a communication barrier against a person is abuse. Isolating a person from families and friends is also abuse.

I can't really help you out on this one. If I were you, I would try my best to get in contact with him and find out what is going on. I know you said you heard it from your mother, but it's better to hear from your brother.

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That's good advice. We Mum's can get firey when it comes to our sons. It's better that he get the information straight from his brother.

I'm floored too.

I'm with Shel -- if this wife isn't going to let her husband use a cell phone, then she needs to go.

To the OP - I'm sorry you're having troubles with texting your brother. Something needs to change, and he IS your brother - I think that gives you some right to at least discuss this with him.

Wow! That is so creepy...

shel90 said:

Sounds like the wife is a control freak and the fact that she is hearing, she uses her hearing status to oppress your brother.

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I agree. It appears that she been doing this for a long time. how in world did he manage to stay with her this long?

Frisky Feline said:

That is not a good sign. Let's hope the big brother would have to come to his sense real soon.

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Did he? did he try to get out of it? is he a very passive man in a dominating relationship with her ?

rebeccalj said:

^^^^^^ Yeah that!

What a cruel thing to do to take away a form of communication from a Deaf person.

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Yes it is. this would cause most of us deaf/hoh to rebel!!

rebeccalj said:

That is my feeling as well. This isn't a teenager who has broken the rules and needs to have a priviledge taken away. This is a grown man who is supposedly her equal and partner.

I'm floored that someone who do this. It seems so incredibly cruel.

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I agree- nobody- I REPEAT- NOBODY deserves to be treated this way.


Now on the other hand I am surprised that littlebro havent talked to his brother alone and have a heart to heart talk with him to make sure he is aware that this is spousal abuse and should not be treated this way. Are there any other incidents ? If so, he needs to get this documented for possible breakup once he wakes up if this been going on for awhile.