feeling about out of place or uncomfortable

I started new thread because the one about "challenges" before this, some of the ideas about being out of place or uncomfortable, I can relate to that <but not sure of highjacking the previous thread>. Sometimes people get impatient with me because I am slow in line to count the change or I have trouble understanding directions. Sometimes I want folks to repeat instructions about how to do something or get somewhere and they seem to get frustrated with me. I am reminded how as a young kid I especially felt out of place as I was in the resource room, far away from the "other" kids, and because the section of the building with the resource room was separated and considered "weird" and mysterious by the others. A lot if things other kids understood almost automatically <it seemed to me at the time> and I did not, so I often felt very lost and confused.

QUOTE=dogmom;1261934]I started new thread because the one about "challenges" before this, some of the ideas about being out of place or uncomfortable, I can relate to that <but not sure of highjacking the previous thread>. Sometimes people get impatient with me because I am slow in line to count the change or I have trouble understanding directions. Sometimes I want folks to repeat instructions about how to do something or get somewhere and they seem to get frustrated with me. I am reminded how as a young kid I especially felt out of place as I was in the resource room, far away from the "other" kids, and because the section of the building with the resource room was separated and considered "weird" and mysterious by the others. A lot if things other kids understood almost automatically <it seemed to me at the time> and I did not, so I often felt very lost and confused.[/QUOTE]

Dear Dogmom...yes, I can totally relate to what you are saying. Although, I'm not sure what you wanted for this thread...whether you were asking if we could relate to your experiences or if we had challanges of our own to talk about...but I think I'll go with both. I was in the resource room too (though we called it 'learning center'). Like you, it was kind of a world of its own in school. We were 'those kids'. Although, looking back on it, I find that most (not all) of my closest friends were in that room. We learned from our differences how much we were the same, how much all of us were people, how much all of us needed someone to understand. I think that is just as true for adults as children and teens. I was one of the 'lucky' ones in that I could function a little better then some of the other learning center kids, so I did have some friends outside the room. But the kids that I remember most dearly were the ones I hung out with in that room. It did cause me to be very uncomfortable with other kids though, and I was teased mercilessly for being different.

I get very nervous in social situations. Even before I started going deaf, I was shy and akward, and I stutter when nervous. Now, people see the hearing aids, and hear me stutter and look at my baby with sympathy and concern. I know that some people think I am not capable of caring for my baby, and it hurts. I have actually been asked before if anyone was there to help me. I know that people usually mean well, but it hurts all the same. The wonderful thing is though, that my husband and baby love me. My family loves me. My baby smiles at me like she thinks I'm the most perfect being on the earth...she doesn't care how smart I am, or how much I can hear...she just loves. My husband helps me with what I need help with, and he tries to be understanding. I have been blessed.

Yes, it is difficult to be stared at...to have people roll their eyes while I'm struggling with money at the cash register, or to know that I can't drive myself down the block because I simply cannot understand the concept of left and right...but then, I am pretty good at writing, I love to plant, work with animals, knit, and I enjoy reading. I have a beautiful baby and wonderful husband and, no, life isn't perfect, and I'm still grieving for my hearing...but it sure can be beautiful.

I want you to know that I think you are special. That anyone who ever looked down on you because of what you couldn't do, missed out on all the things you can do. You are worthwhile, the people who can't take the time to see that are pretty unhappy and probably pretty lonely. Many hugs my friend.

Hi November Gypsy

I was really touched by your words and feelings! I wasn't asking for anything per se, I was just describing things happened me so others could maybe read and see anything in it of themselves or someone they may know, and then the possibility would exist that what I initially wrote would be of some use to them - or not. I read that many or all of your closest friends were in "that room" - that wasn't the case with me. In those years mostly I had a couple of good friends but they did not go to my elementary school; they were neighborhood kids. There was a point in 2nd grade for a few months where I had a good friend at my school and then her family moved to a suburb in the city which has its own school district so she was transferred there. I was smaller than the others due to prematurity and naturally shy and was physically and verbally bullied for many years, up to high school where I decided to go to an "arts" specialty school because I knew most if not all the kids would be considered "different" and would be focusing so much or exclusively on their art and prep. for career that things like cliques and appearances wouldn't be as significant - and there were no "big team" sports at the arts high school - a tennis team, but that's about it. At this high school I was introduced to Goth and Punk and the GBLTQ community and all kinds of things and learned a lot more than if I'd gone to a traditional high school.

Your baby loves you for who you are because she has no preconceived notions, no attachments to things or goals - she just IS. AND it is WONDERFUL and precious that your family loves you!

I also enjoy reading and writing and love other animals. I learned to drive late. In high school looking back on it I know I would not have been mature enough or patient enough to deal with class driver's ed., even though the other students likely wouldn't have been as big an issue as if I had gone to a different school. I learned to drive cuz I had a social service job - my second post-college job - which was a case management job. This required home visits. I had a caseload of about 20 poeple with developmental disabilities - people labeled as having MR, on the autism spectrum, people with dual diagnosis and more severe LD than mine. So in order to do the HV <Home Visit> I had to drive, so I learned my first year on the job. At first I only had maybe 5 clients so my dad and my husband actually drove me to some peoples' homes and also drove us for the client's shopping, which was another requirement of the position - to transport people who did not use the bus or paratransit services for whatever reason, on their errands and possibly assist in the tasks of the errand. I learned a lot from that job and having LD there was a benefit in relation to the clients - except for the times when I finally learned to drive but couldn't find clients' places of residence, that was challenging! Most of the time I was able to find it, even if I had to come back on a different day or have my supervisor or another CM help me. Sometimes I couldn't find it and my supervisor was ok with that so long as I called and let her know I'd tried.
I took the driving <road> test twice before I passed -

Well, YOU are special too - u are very kind with good words
Many hugs to you also

I see so many strengths in both of you, dogmom and November Gypsy. While it is often frustrating when others seem to take notice of weaknesses and totally ignore the strengths, I can see that you both know what your strengths are, and attempt to use those strengths not just to improve your own lives, but the lives of others, as well. That is such an admirable quality. What matters so much more than the way a stranger in a grocery store line may perceive us is how we perceive ourselves. We do not have to let these chance encounters destroy our self concepts.

Even though the exact circumstances of these incidents may be different, we can all find a common thread in the way these things make us feel. When we are able to recognize how much we have in common, despite some individual differences, we can use that to help strenthen ourselves and others. Feeling understood for our feelings is so empowering.

aw, Jilio !! More kind words

and I agree about empowering; part of case management job was empowering, listening to clients, helping them to find their strengths, learning what they wanted and how they could get there. We learned from each other. I planned and learned with them.

I think we all have the opportunity on this forum to empower-

You are quite welcome. Learning from each other is the best way to go. It is unfortunate that many would prefer to dictate what is best for any given client, rather than asking them for their input. Such an approach shows your openmindedness.

dogmom said:

Hi November Gypsy

I was really touched by your words and feelings! I wasn't asking for anything per se, I was just describing things happened me so others could maybe read and see anything in it of themselves or someone they may know, and then the possibility would exist that what I initially wrote would be of some use to them - or not. I read that many or all of your closest friends were in "that room" - that wasn't the case with me. In those years mostly I had a couple of good friends but they did not go to my elementary school; they were neighborhood kids. There was a point in 2nd grade for a few months where I had a good friend at my school and then her family moved to a suburb in the city which has its own school district so she was transferred there. I was smaller than the others due to prematurity and naturally shy and was physically and verbally bullied for many years, up to high school where I decided to go to an "arts" specialty school because I knew most if not all the kids would be considered "different" and would be focusing so much or exclusively on their art and prep. for career that things like cliques and appearances wouldn't be as significant - and there were no "big team" sports at the arts high school - a tennis team, but that's about it. At this high school I was introduced to Goth and Punk and the GBLTQ community and all kinds of things and learned a lot more than if I'd gone to a traditional high school.

Your baby loves you for who you are because she has no preconceived notions, no attachments to things or goals - she just IS. AND it is WONDERFUL and precious that your family loves you!

I also enjoy reading and writing and love other animals. I learned to drive late. In high school looking back on it I know I would not have been mature enough or patient enough to deal with class driver's ed., even though the other students likely wouldn't have been as big an issue as if I had gone to a different school. I learned to drive cuz I had a social service job - my second post-college job - which was a case management job. This required home visits. I had a caseload of about 20 poeple with developmental disabilities - people labeled as having MR, on the autism spectrum, people with dual diagnosis and more severe LD than mine. So in order to do the HV <Home Visit> I had to drive, so I learned my first year on the job. At first I only had maybe 5 clients so my dad and my husband actually drove me to some peoples' homes and also drove us for the client's shopping, which was another requirement of the position - to transport people who did not use the bus or paratransit services for whatever reason, on their errands and possibly assist in the tasks of the errand. I learned a lot from that job and having LD there was a benefit in relation to the clients - except for the times when I finally learned to drive but couldn't find clients' places of residence, that was challenging! Most of the time I was able to find it, even if I had to come back on a different day or have my supervisor or another CM help me. Sometimes I couldn't find it and my supervisor was ok with that so long as I called and let her know I'd tried.
I took the driving <road> test twice before I passed -

Well, YOU are special too - u are very kind with good words
Many hugs to you also

Click to expand...

Aw. *Blush* Thank you! You make me feel good. Actually, I used to be a nanny for an autistic little girl and her brother, who also had some challenges with the environment (couldn't handle certain noises or textures, for example). That was something that I loved. Thoses kids taught me something. Most anyone can be lovable if seen through the right eyes. I can drive, techincally. I'm just really bad at it and really nervous. But, you know, I do have to get my baby to the doctor sometimes, so I've spent days driving back and forth to the office so I know how to get there. I have no visual concept of it, of course, but once I'm in the car, I can get there. I am so sorry about your intial school experience. It really does affect you for life, doesn't it? I still wonder if everyone thinks I'm strange when I go out. It's so cool though that you work with those people. I really think it says a lot about you! And, you are right, having struggled with an LD makes you better able to help others with issues. Remember this...you are who you were made to be...and you are beautiful that way. It's an idea that I have to remind myself of, but I do believe it's true!

jillio said:

I see so many strengths in both of you, dogmom and November Gypsy. While it is often frustrating when others seem to take notice of weaknesses and totally ignore the strengths, I can see that you both know what your strengths are, and attempt to use those strengths not just to improve your own lives, but the lives of others, as well. That is such an admirable quality. What matters so much more than the way a stranger in a grocery store line may perceive us is how we perceive ourselves. We do not have to let these chance encounters destroy our self concepts.

Even though the exact circumstances of these incidents may be different, we can all find a common thread in the way these things make us feel. When we are able to recognize how much we have in common, despite some individual differences, we can use that to help strenthen ourselves and others. Feeling understood for our feelings is so empowering.

Click to expand...

Thank you once again Jillio! You have a gift of making others feel good and at a 'safe' place...not by false words or white lies, but by being honest, by sharing what you know to be true in a way that makes sense and helps others move forward. I hope you know this...and I hope you are proud of yourself! You ought to be! Thanks!