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Originally Posted by Ozzie
Chapter One: The word, ‘dance, danced, dances, dancer’ ... is that too many for a chapter?
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Probably. Working on reducing "echoes." I also believe they detract.
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Originally Posted by Ozzie
Chapter Two: a much better revision of this chapter
USDA (choice) ... huh? ‘Just as crazy were sandals with heels, no socks’ (that’s a fashion no-no to wear socks with sandals) ... stockings or nylons?
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Many thanks for "better" comment. It's my goal. "USDA choice" is a US Department of Agriculture grade of meat, and heard in farm country as a crude remark meaning a good body. Ha ha ha, beekeepers know zilch about fashion, and no socks is crazy to him. But your comment gives me a good idea for later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozzie
Chapter Three: cannot see any mistakes there.
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Thanks much. I always appreciate seeing mistakes, and I also need to see things that work, especially if the deaf references are convincing. Again, I can't tell you how valuable are these critiques.