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About the poem: Though I usually express myself through other writing, I study the poetic form and like many poems. I see great potential in “Price,” but I think it’s a work-in-progress, maybe only a quarter complete.
The first stanza starts off with a double internal rhyme (whole-soul and protect-reject) in two loose couplets. The image of betrayal of friendship is bright.
The other three stanzas hold good ideas, but they seem to be in more of a first-draft stage. It’s not just the haphazard rhyme. For instance, “hot as fire” and “cold as ice” are good point-counterpoint, but they need work to avoid the clichéd phrases. I like the end couplet, so in my mind, you have a terrific start and finish.
About the explanation: While it’s okay to dissect a poem to see how it succeeds or fails, I’ve always avoided the author saying “Here’s what I was trying to say.” Good poetry, like good jokes, don’t need to be explained. If you don’t get ‘em, you'd best move on.
In this case, the run-on prose often makes less sense than the better chosen words they attempt to explain. After two tries to read it, I kept getting lost when some really unflattering idea seemed to rear its head. I just gave up. Anyway, for what it's worth, I think the prose afterthought detracts from a worthwhile poem, which I hope you finish.
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