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statistically, the most proven, fail-safe methods of garnering attention are the "zap 'em with a cattle prod" and "shoot 'em with a 250,000 volt stun gun" techniques. however, these methods have waned in recent years after studies showed that the users of such devices were marginally more likely to acquire erectile dysfunction and/or enlarged prostate with age. protests by the deaf community over being inhumanely beat and electrocuted like animals were largely ignored for decades, as Deaf Prods and Deaf Stun Gun sales soared in Wal-marts the entire nation over, where consumers could purchase the devices for the low, low Rolled-Back(tm) price of $14.88.
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