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I have lost my mother due to Cancer in 2001 when I was only Fourteen years old. But I knew in my heart couple months before she died that she is going to die, that she is unable to beat cancer because surgery and Chemo was not working. Some would say that I have lost faith or hope but the truth is I have just accepted the fact, something that Dad and mom refused to accept. When she died, I didn't feel sadness, instead I felt happiness because I knew she's with god, and is not suffering...which I don't want her to go through. All my families were crying and all that and I was only one not bawling my eyes out.
Then Year after that, but in same month (May), my grandmother Anne (My Dad's mom) has passed away in her sleep due to long battle of Diabeates. when I heard the news, I was shocked at first...didn't feel anything but numbness. Dad got all upset again about losing another member of his family and was upset with me that I wasn't showing any emotion of sadness, just netural expression on my face the whole time with family and funeral. Some has even had nerve asking my Dad and Uncle if I was "alright" since I didn't "Grief" in a normal way.
Then two years after my mom's death, a family friend of ours has passed away due to heart attack. I didn't feel anything because I felt like I didn't have connection with him but I of course told everyone sorry about the news.
Dad and stepmom had enough of me acting like it's normal and not greiving so they sent me off to see couseling every week and I hated that. I flatly told the therpist that I am fine and I have accepted the fact that they are gone and I know in my heart that I will see them again when my time has come. I told my parents that I'm fine, I may not greive like they do but I have accepted the fact and is fine with it because they're in good place where God wanted them to be.
Then just four months before my son was born, my Uncle Jesse has passed away due to old age. I bawled at the news of Uncle Jess is dead because I realised that my mom, Grandma and Uncle Jess would not be around to see my son to grow up or won't be seeing me growing old. My husband has comforted me and told me that they are watching me from Heaven, and I can feel them in my heart. It's true, as I can feel them watching over me and is smiling all the way up to heaven.
I hold on to the memories and I feel like they have just gone on to Vacation, that I will see them again when my time has come...as it's not a forever goodbye.
I may not greif like a normal person but the truth is I have accepted the fact in my face and while I know in my heart I'll see them again so it's not as painful as it is for some people.
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