AllDeaf.com - View Single Post - Parents apathy in their deaf child's educational progress etc

jillio · 02-19-2008, 10:53 AM

I believe that the fact that many children arrive at the schools for the deaf after, and only after, the oral programs have failed them offers a clue into the answer to your question. Parents are too often willing to be involved as long as the child is progressing according to their demands for that child to conform to their standards for communication. When it is apparent that the fault for lack of progress is not with what the child is doing, but with what the parent has failed to do, they are relegated to the school for the deaf, and then an academic institution is then charged not just with educating the child, but with providing the family atmosphere for that child, as well. It is the old "I've done everything I can, now its your turn" attitude. But the fact is, these parents have not done everything they can.

Too many parents seem to be willing to make extra effort in the name of having the child change to meet their needs, but are unwilling to do what is necessary to change in order to meet the child's needs. That is not to say all hearing parents are that way, because quite obviously, they aren't. But there are still too many that are.

Parents are very willing, it would seem, to have the child adapt to their needs. The problem with this approach is that the child is a child, and the parent is the adult. It is incumbent on the adult to make those changes, not the child. How often have we heard parents use the excuse of "It's too hard to learn another language." as justification for not learning ASL for their deaf child? What about the difficulty of learning oral language as the only means of communication for the deaf child? What is difficult for the parents is not the issue. What is in the best interest, and will facilitate linguistic, psychological, educational, and social development of the child is the primary issue.

Personally, I raised a deaf child as a single parent, played the role of both mother and father, as well as only breadwinner, and still managed to learn ASL and be involved in both my son's academic pursuits and volunteer for the after school activities at his school. That experience led me, once my son had completed his secondary education, to return to school to continue to be involved on a professional level. Has it been easy? No. Has it required that I make sacrifices? Yes. Was it my duty, as the hearing parent of a deaf child to do so? Absolutely. To do less would mean that I had not fulfilled my obligation to the child I created and gave birth to. Does that make me special? Of course not. I simply makes me a person that chose to do what I was supposed to do. Adapt my lifestyle to the needs of my child.

Perhaps, as parents, we need to be less concerned with whether or not we have time to go out to dinner, live in the biggest house on the block, and wear all the latest fashions, and more about providing for the real needs of our children.

02-19-2008, 10:53 AM	#4 (permalink)
jillio Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 16,857	I believe that the fact that many children arrive at the schools for the deaf after, and only after, the oral programs have failed them offers a clue into the answer to your question. Parents are too often willing to be involved as long as the child is progressing according to their demands for that child to conform to their standards for communication. When it is apparent that the fault for lack of progress is not with what the child is doing, but with what the parent has failed to do, they are relegated to the school for the deaf, and then an academic institution is then charged not just with educating the child, but with providing the family atmosphere for that child, as well. It is the old "I've done everything I can, now its your turn" attitude. But the fact is, these parents have not done everything they can. Too many parents seem to be willing to make extra effort in the name of having the child change to meet their needs, but are unwilling to do what is necessary to change in order to meet the child's needs. That is not to say all hearing parents are that way, because quite obviously, they aren't. But there are still too many that are. Parents are very willing, it would seem, to have the child adapt to their needs. The problem with this approach is that the child is a child, and the parent is the adult. It is incumbent on the adult to make those changes, not the child. How often have we heard parents use the excuse of "It's too hard to learn another language." as justification for not learning ASL for their deaf child? What about the difficulty of learning oral language as the only means of communication for the deaf child? What is difficult for the parents is not the issue. What is in the best interest, and will facilitate linguistic, psychological, educational, and social development of the child is the primary issue. Personally, I raised a deaf child as a single parent, played the role of both mother and father, as well as only breadwinner, and still managed to learn ASL and be involved in both my son's academic pursuits and volunteer for the after school activities at his school. That experience led me, once my son had completed his secondary education, to return to school to continue to be involved on a professional level. Has it been easy? No. Has it required that I make sacrifices? Yes. Was it my duty, as the hearing parent of a deaf child to do so? Absolutely. To do less would mean that I had not fulfilled my obligation to the child I created and gave birth to. Does that make me special? Of course not. I simply makes me a person that chose to do what I was supposed to do. Adapt my lifestyle to the needs of my child. Perhaps, as parents, we need to be less concerned with whether or not we have time to go out to dinner, live in the biggest house on the block, and wear all the latest fashions, and more about providing for the real needs of our children.